I had a dream that I was rollerblading
in quick sand,
on a treadmill,
down a never ending tunnel,

There was a moment in time
when I couldn't imagine my life
without you...

You were the air
that I breathed.

You meant so much
to me.

I would've never imagined
that your love wasn't real...

And as much as I miss the
memory of what we used to be,

without you, I finally feel free.

(-DF-06/20/16-)

I studied that face
For as long as I could remember
My first semester
I should have got an F in that class
Because I could not comprehend
What I learned
I ended first semester with a bad attitude
About that subject
I could not understand
The paradox that was shown

How could someone
Be so mean
And so nice
So harsh
So judgemental
And so kind
And thoughtful?

Second semester started
I decided to start out
Un-biased
I would analyze everything
But not let it affect me personally

As I studied
Constantly
Even away I was still thinking
And now I think I understand
You.

I know that you are proud
Of the things your father does
I know you are not knowledgeable
In most worldly things
And you’re alright with that
You hate being teased
But it's so easy to
You are quick to judge
Yet you reprimand others for it
You like arguing pointless things
You like being right
You stand up for those you care about
Your face turns so red
When embarrassed
You aren’t as rude
When you’re around people
You don’t want to impress
You’re funny in a weird way
When you laugh
I always think of a gurgling river
Or an exploding geyser
You do cute things when you think no one
Is watching
I could go on
And on about the virtues
And the imperfections
That are you

But after this semester is over
I think I got an  A+ in this class
And I have learned so much from you
This isn’t about a crush
A teenager love
This is me
Finally understanding
Someone who has always been around me
Someone that has always confused me
That now makes me laugh
Whenever I realize
What he’s doing
Or trying to

my mind no longer lingers on
my memories of you
my eyes no longer search for yours
and their shade of blue

my stomach no longer turns
when I remember that you're gone
my heart no longer breaks
when I remember I need to move on

I know I'll always miss you
and I'll still have bad days
but although I'm not doing great
I'm finally *okay

Perhaps it is time.
I'll go back and say hello,
And maybe they'll smile.

The limbs grow, cover and cradle me
Like the arms of a forgotten lover
The maggots give me love bits as they slowly consume
The worms slither round about, in and out
Never again will my face wear a frown
Never again will I worry about zen
Or about how's and when's
This moss is my bed
Where I lay my weary head
Off to rest for eternity
Where the animal and insects show me love internally

Finally LOVE!!!!!!

Time flies by
Faster than my eye
Can see
But I don't have the energy
To even get up every morning
Or even to do any small, insignificant thing
That everyone else does within a second

To breathe
To open my eyes
To even blink
To my surprise
Is far too taxing
On my mind

So I just sit and pretend that I'm
somewhere far more nice
Until that day where that dream becomes a reality
Overwhelming grief will soon be joy
All my tears will soon be dry
And when I die, I'll be with God

Finally happy

Finally happy