officially it has been two years,
unofficially one.

I am happier elsewhere, and I can imagine you are too
still you remain
my inspiration for poetry,
art,
and my thoughts.

when I see her there with you,
I am not sad,
and I am not not happy
mostly, I wonder —

do you think about me still?
do you compare her to me?
I did, I compared him with you

even though I promised to him and myself
that I wouldn’t

but the mind does what it wants

do you fight like we used to, loud and aggressive?
or does that require years of confidence built up by baby love

do you love like we used to, admittedly & comparatively selfish and shy?
or was that our teenage bodies remaining in us past our 20th

mostly I try to remember how being freshly loved by you was
so much intense frustration, in all ways,
endless giggles, but often nights with dawn sorrow.
of course, I need to remind myself that there was bad
my mind tries to only highlight the good with you

mostly I wonder how such intense fighters
could turn to such formal friends
and mostly, I am disappointed that you haven’t
told me about her yet.

I cant believe i just let you leave
you are just like me
i make myself sick with sadness
you are perfect
but you left me for her
the abuser in the relationship
but her soft eyes
and charming smile
are what captured me
and they've got you in their grips
good luck leaving
her sticky sweet trap
will be your downfall too

You're the worst person I've ever known
I can't believe I let someone like you into my life
Months have gone by and I still resent you
I just can't get over everything you've done to me

Maybe missing you
isn't such a bad thing.
Missing you reminds me
of all the good times
we shared and
to a time where
we were
real.

Ohh wow congratulations,
Finally, you are engaged with your one and only!
Noice!! Naah I’m not feeling anything,
Or maybe I am, I don’t know why my heart is heavy, I was knowing this from the very start, but it’s just I am not feeling good enough to feel anything!

Because I was waiting for you to realize that we can be back with each other! And hoping you to realize that you are losing someone who truly loves you and will never leave your side.

But you hit me with a shock of your engagement picture, but it has been only a year since we broke up and, you moved on so quick. How is that possible? I will never forget that day.... that hell of the day 16th Nov 2019! We broke up...! and, exactly one year, you are engaged with the girl I hate most, The girl for whom you cheated on me or, you cheated her, for me. Haha, I don’t know what is more accurate. Funny!

It’s not like I’m jealous or something, but you wished me in Diwali just two days ago and talked to me like nothing had happened, Saying “I was waiting for your message" what the hell do you want from me? Am I a toy to you? When you feel like tearing my innocent heart you do without any hesitation. You always do this to me, always messaging and showing love and care to me when you don't even know how I am doing, or how my mental state is. you always did things as per your, please.

I never complained anything to you because, at some point in my life, I loved you more than myself and also don’t want you to pity me for loving you this much..!!

But, today ill say my heart out and, I'll ask my heart out! They say people do silly things when they are in love and, so I. I don’t wanna say but, now they term it as using someone’s kindness for nothing and I did things which I’ll never do for myself and, in exchange What the hell you did to me? Did you ever thought of me as your girl? Did you ever loved me, even for a couple of seconds? or ever wondered what the **** I was to you? Just tell me honestly!

I am done with lies .. so please, at least today, tell me the truth. I must know the truth!

I don’t have any regret to be part of your life, and I promise I will not complain a thing, and BTW to whom you think I will complain? You already know... I had only one or at least a myth of having one..!! And that one is no more mine. Or never was Haha..!! So much confusion!

Lots of mixed feelings are hitting me up! And even I am unable to write this **** on blank paper! What I’m gonna do with this ******* life when I don’t have enough guts!

I know, I wasn’t this miserable any before! We were never at the same level, we had differences too like other couples but, somehow we managed everything up. And, I still don’t know where and when we started partying ways... I don’t know what I did wrong to make you find someone else to fill that gap. But now I don’t know what I am, who I am! maybe it would have different if you had told me it on your own rather than finding things like this, today, and also one year ago.

I can’t trust anybody anymore, and you are the reason! It’s still unbelievable you, you did this to me!

To be honest, I still can’t believe that you are already someone else’s, while I’m still struggling with my feelings! People think I am too slow but, I know, I don’t want to forget you and our memories, how happy we were with each other but, now it’s confusing, I can’t believe things have gone too far this early.  I never said to you but, I was too fast to dream about our future life of being together, happily ever after!

so it's hurting! just that!

And now there is not a single reason for being ***** like hell. I am tired of being a good ex-girlfriend turned into a good close friend. So today, finally, I am saying goodbye to you and my feelings. It’s heavy and, I can’t lift that weight! And Yes, one more thing..!! Please tell your friends to stop seeing me as a matter of gossip. I was thankful for their support in our hard times but, now you had made me pity object so, they check on me just to get entertained by my feelings, which is just not acceptable.

So, goodbye!

Cigarette smoke made
Your mouth taste like ash so
I dug deeper into your throat to find an
Approximation of honesty, caked in filth and motherhood.
You would bow down before the wrong masters and yet consider yourself mine...
And a good master protects his pet, respects his pet, Listens to his pet.
Do not approach me with apologies that are late and I will not approach with the same.