pony-tailed playmate
head tucked in her shirt
gazing steadily down
at her toes in the dirt

chaos tiptoes around her
naive oblivion
journeys in far away lands
just west of the meridian

watercolor fairy tales
bleeding outside the lines
unaware of the danger
unaware of the signs

let me sit with you, darling
in the dampened flower beds
and paint a new world
for us in our heads

To November,
Thanks a bunch
for reminding us,
that the letting go
is the only way to make roads
for new blooms!

Every November I felt something new. November is full of change, nothing remains the same as before!

Acceptance: Somewhere in the month of November, I met a new person who changed me inside out..!! Embraced me with love, gave the warmth in those chilly days. We spent moments with happiness and shared our fears in the night sky, witnessing clouds uncovering the moon. Dreamt of good things, peace, and a bucket full of love. And November turned out as a happy month to me! No matter how much I tried but memories kept coming back, making me blush every single time..!!

Togetherness: Time passed really very fast, Again November came! I remember, spending days like never, contemplating each other’s hearts. Aimless drives, messed up schedules, movie marathons, street foods, and open bottles of beers. I found a home in him, a home of love with no limits and no worries. We promised to step together, holding hands in November, and to hang out till the November dissolves! And yesss we did...few Happy Novembers!

Separation: And then a few years later a day in November came with lots of new feelings..! Feeling of abandonment and betrayal just like dull and dark days. Crying in freezing night under that large yellow full moon but this time all alone! It felt cold, even the stars were extra cold to me; lights were so dim that paths were invisible. My heart was aching, and my trust was dissolved. I was miserable and pitiful! Always lost and struggling in the memories of past and present!

Learning: And now it’s again November I see blooming flowers and sometimes butterflies..! Red, Pale, Blue, Pink and White flowers. And it doesn’t feel like cold/dry or happy month to me!  and as I see he got engaged so, probably a month for him too!  Now I see November as the month of change and new hopes. This November taught me no matter how dry the weather is but you have to keep blooming, And I have realized that not everything is worthy of you! If something feels like a burden to you, just remove them and make some space for new dreams. And that’s the only way!!

Tiny cheesecake
You are such a delight
A tiny morsel
Three bites all mine
Once I find that pesky fork of mine

Ohh wow congratulations,
Finally, you are engaged with your one and only!
Noice!! Naah I’m not feeling anything,
Or maybe I am, I don’t know why my heart is heavy, I was knowing this from the very start, but it’s just I am not feeling good enough to feel anything!

Because I was waiting for you to realize that we can be back with each other! And hoping you to realize that you are losing someone who truly loves you and will never leave your side.

But you hit me with a shock of your engagement picture, but it has been only a year since we broke up and, you moved on so quick. How is that possible? I will never forget that day.... that hell of the day 16th Nov 2019! We broke up...! and, exactly one year, you are engaged with the girl I hate most, The girl for whom you cheated on me or, you cheated her, for me. Haha, I don’t know what is more accurate. Funny!

It’s not like I’m jealous or something, but you wished me in Diwali just two days ago and talked to me like nothing had happened, Saying “I was waiting for your message" what the hell do you want from me? Am I a toy to you? When you feel like tearing my innocent heart you do without any hesitation. You always do this to me, always messaging and showing love and care to me when you don't even know how I am doing, or how my mental state is. you always did things as per your, please.

I never complained anything to you because, at some point in my life, I loved you more than myself and also don’t want you to pity me for loving you this much..!!

But, today ill say my heart out and, I'll ask my heart out! They say people do silly things when they are in love and, so I. I don’t wanna say but, now they term it as using someone’s kindness for nothing and I did things which I’ll never do for myself and, in exchange What the hell you did to me? Did you ever thought of me as your girl? Did you ever loved me, even for a couple of seconds? or ever wondered what the **** I was to you? Just tell me honestly!

I am done with lies .. so please, at least today, tell me the truth. I must know the truth!

I don’t have any regret to be part of your life, and I promise I will not complain a thing, and BTW to whom you think I will complain? You already know... I had only one or at least a myth of having one..!! And that one is no more mine. Or never was Haha..!! So much confusion!

Lots of mixed feelings are hitting me up! And even I am unable to write this **** on blank paper! What I’m gonna do with this ******* life when I don’t have enough guts!

I know, I wasn’t this miserable any before! We were never at the same level, we had differences too like other couples but, somehow we managed everything up. And, I still don’t know where and when we started partying ways... I don’t know what I did wrong to make you find someone else to fill that gap. But now I don’t know what I am, who I am! maybe it would have different if you had told me it on your own rather than finding things like this, today, and also one year ago.

I can’t trust anybody anymore, and you are the reason! It’s still unbelievable you, you did this to me!

To be honest, I still can’t believe that you are already someone else’s, while I’m still struggling with my feelings! People think I am too slow but, I know, I don’t want to forget you and our memories, how happy we were with each other but, now it’s confusing, I can’t believe things have gone too far this early.  I never said to you but, I was too fast to dream about our future life of being together, happily ever after!

so it's hurting! just that!

And now there is not a single reason for being ***** like hell. I am tired of being a good ex-girlfriend turned into a good close friend. So today, finally, I am saying goodbye to you and my feelings. It’s heavy and, I can’t lift that weight! And Yes, one more thing..!! Please tell your friends to stop seeing me as a matter of gossip. I was thankful for their support in our hard times but, now you had made me pity object so, they check on me just to get entertained by my feelings, which is just not acceptable.

So, goodbye!

I was fifteen years old,
when I witnessed
that beautiful ocean
for the first time.
yeah, it was huge,
just like a carpet
even my eyes failed to see
that entire gross spread
of emerald blue water

But I was twenty years old
when healing shore washed away
all of my melancholy,
and the aural of the tide race
felt pure as the driven snow.
I got vibes of another universe
within my own self,
where daystar was shining
right at the top of my head
it captured the carbon copy of
happy valley.

and I am today year old
when I realized
it stays loyal
whether day or night
sun or moon
it holds the reflection
of changing sky
ocean breeze,
cold but warm
white horses,
salty but smooth,
comes and goes
but it stays
within boundless boundaries.