Nov 2020
when I'm mad, there are no mess-ups
but one
I'm trying to explain
why do I resent
the fact
you
don't see me trying
J
it's hard to listen when I'm angry
I don't know you-?
You don't know me.
You know my stories and my ****** reactions
"I get that"
no, you don't
you don't get me
no one does
I'm losing myself
while you find yourself
I feel I can't say anything anymore
I can't say **** about you
I can't talk about my ex
I get shunned
you twist my words around
make it into something it's not
I try my hardest to stay on a good track
but God
sometimes
I wanna rip my arm open
but that's hard
hard because everyone else around me does
and I'm trying to prove
I'm stronger than that
I try to be stronger
laughing
laughing
laughing
God, shut up.
shut up.
I laugh and laugh but it isn't funny.
but if I'm not funny
you won't love me
quiet.
we haven't talked just listen to your music
is that wrong?
is it?
is it bad that that's the only way that things come out of my mouth?
they whisper
I turn it up
they scream,
I blare
is it wrong that the voices don't stop
my mind is something you will never understand
but it's okay
I don't either
whatever makes
me
happy
you hate?
I know you have weird moods
so do i
so I guess I can't say much
sometimes J
just sometimes.
i
my whole life I've been shut down,
now by you too
I love you
but
the more we talk
the more that
I question your stories about
cheating and
being toxic
I doubt that
changed for me
everyone knows about your cps cases
and your grandfather
okay so I tell you things no one knows
but you tell me things everyone knows
quiet
silence
...
it's always had my back
but anyways
that shouldn't matter.
I'll just stay quiet.
**NOT MINE, MADE BY MY GIRLFRIEND, I JUST WROTE IT DOWN AS SHE WAS TALKING
but one
I'm trying to explain
why do I resent
the fact
you
don't see me trying
J
it's hard to listen when I'm angry
I don't know you-?
You don't know me.
You know my stories and my ****** reactions
"I get that"
no, you don't
you don't get me
no one does
I'm losing myself
while you find yourself
I feel I can't say anything anymore
I can't say **** about you
I can't talk about my ex
I get shunned
you twist my words around
make it into something it's not
I try my hardest to stay on a good track
but God
sometimes
I wanna rip my arm open
but that's hard
hard because everyone else around me does
and I'm trying to prove
I'm stronger than that
I try to be stronger
laughing
laughing
laughing
God, shut up.
shut up.
I laugh and laugh but it isn't funny.
but if I'm not funny
you won't love me
quiet.
we haven't talked just listen to your music
is that wrong?
is it?
is it bad that that's the only way that things come out of my mouth?
they whisper
I turn it up
they scream,
I blare
is it wrong that the voices don't stop
my mind is something you will never understand
but it's okay
I don't either
whatever makes
me
happy
you hate?
I know you have weird moods
so do i
so I guess I can't say much
sometimes J
just sometimes.
i
my whole life I've been shut down,
now by you too
I love you
but
the more we talk
the more that
I question your stories about
cheating and
being toxic
I doubt that
changed for me
everyone knows about your cps cases
and your grandfather
okay so I tell you things no one knows
but you tell me things everyone knows
quiet
silence
...
it's always had my back
but anyways
that shouldn't matter.
I'll just stay quiet.
**NOT MINE, MADE BY MY GIRLFRIEND, I JUST WROTE IT DOWN AS SHE WAS TALKING
my girlfriend read this to me. she was upset about something I did(I know what I did, I was telling her about my ex again and she had every right to be ******* about it) So while she was talking and reading it, I typed it out so that I could think about it. We're on the phone, still, even after she's read it as if nothing happened. She thought that we would break up over it, that we would break up because she believed those words were things to break up for. I'm shaking a little bit. A lot of bit. She said "I knew that it would upset you." I'm trying very hard not to act upset. I think that maybe I really am the toxic one. I've been working on something for her recently, about how much I love her, but that doesn't mean much, does it? I think maybe I'm stupid. I think maybe I should be the one to stay quiet. For what it's worth, I'm sorry Sydney.
