The worst part is
It's happened before.
The sun will still rise in two hours, and life will go on.
Despite the pain, despite the heartwrenching sickness that rips through you.
How long before this is just nothing to you?
That's what you should be scared of, really.
Because nothing will last, and everything will leave or change.
They will be fine without you.
You will cradle your broken heart, forever thinking you, and only you deserved it despite knowing you were next.
You must remember that you did not just take the bricks, you did your best to put them back too.
You are not the only one at fault. You just took one brick at the wrong time.
But aren't you always the last to be sanded away? The last imperfection. Friends, put away your childish things, and that my dear, is you.
But you must realise you can never have the friendships you want anymore. People grow up.
They will never want you back.
It's time to step forward.
Try not to drink, try not to split...hold yourself together even though the world is bleak, and dark...and desolate.
One day things will be better.
And then this will happen again.
It's never going to end, my sweet. So just let it happen.
Falling into the same patterns again and again and only learning a little each time.
Written circa. 24/05/2020
To gaze upon you in the dusky dark
There is light, light as fine as breath,
Spun gold, light that only the blind
Know, as they dream in blue daylight,
Eyes infilled. I see you as mystics do,
I colour your face with mute wishes,
That time has allowed and moments show,
My being unstrung as one abandonment,
A broken guitar in an alley so flayed
Of cat gut and new sorrows unplayed.
If you were any more ethereal —
I would simply lay down into dust.
you give me a sense of peace
uneasy at times
as I always worry how you feel
you say you like to listen
I still think I talk too much
to fill anxious silence, fear that you won't be
there on the other end of the rope
As I still learn to trust
that you will be…..
That you will come back.
"I think I talk too much, I need to listen.."