Call me ugly, call me dumb
Say I’m boring and no fun.
You can say that I’m a mess,
You don’t have to be impressed.
Just tell me that I’m lazy,
You can even say I’m crazy,
‘Cause it may be somewhat true.
But please, whatever you do
Don’t tell me I’m too sweet,
That my company’s a treat.
Don’t say that I’m too nice a guy
That’s not a reason why.
If you’re not interested that’s fine,
Rather stay friends? Well, I don’t mind.
You could let me down easy,
Or you can say I make you queasy,
Just give me a reason, even blame it on fate
Just don’t blame it on one of my positive traits.
We’re all deeply flawed, you can take your pick
Just don’t choose something I don’t need to fix.

3/20/19

Through my own tyrannical enforcement
I spew insipid scripted statements
I do not support nor enjoy.
Afraid to be aberrant
Oppressed I am pushed to lecture repugnant contradictions against my own disposition.
Turgid loathing of the fear of dropping the expected facade
Supported by ego and enforced by group-think to mold a homogenous majority.
I hate self pity.
Here marinating in my own self indulgent sorrow.
I am a hypocrite.
Another one of my enemies.
But weakened by forcing myself to state the opposite of what I value,
I open myself to further self destruction.
Through this introspection I might be able to reclaim my social autonomy.
Possibly at the cost of diminution of social impression.
That is held at such divine standards today.
I might become a social martyr.
But at least I’d die complete and confident in my own voice.
It would open me to ridicule.
But I’d rather understand myself and be subjected to hate than to live objectively in a self confined contrived reality.

How I manage to be both a ******* and a ******* is beyond me.

Never drop kick an alien,
Or they will shoot fudge in your ears,
And nut in your eye.
Then stick a needle in it,
Then stick a probe up your ****** pipes.

Nobody wants those things done to them, so I advise that you don’t ******* the alien that took you from your planet.

Oh **** the E Mother ******* T is at it again,
Stealing cows and ****.
Running the farmers out of business.
What do they need the cows for anyway.
Is their planet running out of milk or something?
Are their women not producing enough ***** milk for baby alien lips or something?
Makes me so mad that I want to drop kick an alien....
But I need to keep it together,
Because I know what they will do to me if I do.

Such beauty,
But empty...
Such pity,
Little missy.

A fake diamond.
So pretty...
So shiny!
But all synthetic...

When the grey shades creeps
I fly , fly high
I never see the leaves fallen apart,
The dwindling light.
I just fly, high and above
To the zenith.

selfish
that’s definitely it
i don’t know if i can help it
my first thought is
how will this effect us

second thought is,
i don’t want you to leave me

you need to get better
i know because
if we compiled all of your
suicide letters,
i’m sure we’d have a book

one day, youre going to be
more scar than skin
and i’m afraid that
your self destruction
is going to win

i’m afraid that one day
you won’t be here anymore
no more late summer nights
or cold mornings where all i can
feel is you you you under the blankets
and my skin; you are everywhere all at once. you are in my clothes and my blankets and i keep finding bits and pieces of u in my journal.
youre even in my dreams

no more muddled i love yous
or standing in the rain until
your nose is cold just because
we like the way it smells

no more waking up to you
no more you dude
i don’t think you understand
your impact
how deeply you are loved
there is a crater in my chest
and if you were gone
i don’t think it could ever be full again

it’s selfish to want someone to get better
because u don’t want them to leave
to die
to wither away and decompose until
all i have left of u is a stupid bracelet
and the smell of your hoodie

i don’t want you to go
but you can’t stay
you can’t continue on like this
we can’t keep playing pretend like
you might not **** yourself tomorrow

you need to get better
i just don’t want things
to change with us
even if they have to