It's so hard to explain my grief
Because life with you made me meek
Once an outspoken, strong-willed, creative girl
Turned quiet, despondent, afraid of the world
All because you swore it was bleak
The world would never have sight of me.
Your "star child", your "shadow"
Perfect, smart, talented and divine
But those were just lies
To keep up your guise
At home I was weak, tired, pathetic and lazy
You did everything for me
But you were sure
To never let me learn.
Learning meant growing
And growing meant leaving
Bursting out of my cage
Growing meant you didn't have a narrative
So I didn't get to learn skills
One would think were imperative
I stopped hoping for growth
I held up my end of our unspoken oath.
Still, I tried to get out of it
Time and time again
But death never did win.
I began to hate
I chose everything not to be you
Still i couldn't leave you
Still you were my mother.
Even though you caused my aching,
I refused to leave the woman who made me.
And I knew you'd never do the same
Yet I remained
To help you pick up the pieces
But youd never take blame
You'd say I was deranged
I was just playing games
When you were the one who put these rules in place.
But I know better now
That person you became,
Was all a symptom of a much bigger play..
You thought I hadn't noticed it..
Your remedy, your medicine.
You hid in a bottle,
You'd swear the doctor said so
But it was killing you
You said in time
It would fix everything
But we didn't get time, did we?
That day, I found you
Cold and blue.
Frozen in place, like ice.
I held your hand
For the very last time...
I finally put the pieces together mother
You were dependent
Finding the perfect cure
For your brokenness
But in the end,
You just broke us.