I starve my body in hopes
it'll nourish my mind
I toy with the idea
that I could feel any emptier as I skip meals
and stick a toothbrush down my throat

When I sit in front of the toilet
I wonder
If I was so small
I disappeared
How long would you mourn me for?

to be honest with you,
i didn't plan on making it this far.

i didn't plan anything at all.

and i'm always baffled by my lack of motivation,
but i forget i've already made my biggest accomplishment by

being here today.

sat in your lap
jealousy builds
like pressure
once a fissure

it now inches
its way across
my soiled soul
lather it on my body
like blood -
thick and treacly
dark, sticky
ever so sickly

tell me your lies
tell me your truths
trace them into my flesh
mark me

cast the runes
now they have spoken
clatter on the rocks
like my pride has
broken

my rage glowing
all I can see
forever growing

I embody entropy
A rule of disorder

hatred rises
through the flames
let it burn me
to ashes
like your touch
sizzles my skins frame

it's a crime scene
of blood swirling like ink
pills scattered
around me
like a ritual
I wonder what
my mother would think

you're a dream thief
knife in my
heavy heart
you've stripped me bare
and I stand
as you depart
with nothing but
at your mercy

I'm you're experiment V
the looking glass shows me
what's left
a withered mess
existing
for you to thrive
tired pile of crumbly bones and
shrivelling rotting insides
tossed aside

burn me to
oblivion

I want the skin
to stop sticking to my bones
melt it off
let the blood pool onto stone
let the fat droop and distend
mocking me, me mocking
never ever stopping
wretch and stretch
till I break
rip my organs out
serenade my limp body
with the liquid lava that drips
as you extract
my black heart
take a sip of my sublimity

I am all you will never be
because I don't think I ever was
do what you will to my material
never to extinguish my fire
that does
never
cease
limitlessly
increase
the
entropy

KG

There is only one letter
difference
from feeling lovely-
and lonely.

Counting calories when I'm bored
Analyzing fat
Comparing flatness
I am the queen of obsession
So quickly
So easily
And then it is too late
So I don't let myself think about it constantly
I try not to
But I do
And all my friends say I have the flattest stomach
But when I look in the mirror
All I can see
Is how my thighs are thicker than last year

I have connected pain with reward
That if it hurts its healing
That if I'm hungry I'll improve
The red is rising with no ceiling
Keeping low to the ground
Not taking off my shirt when I kiss you

Crying with no sound
Not letting myself miss you

Processed sugar is a no
But I am so cold


All the time.

You aren't going to **** me.
You may want to slice into
my scar-riddled flesh,
but you aren't going to **** me.

I swear to god I'll take the last breath
before I let you take mine.
Because I am going to fight
and you aren't going to **** me.

Just burn your twine
and throw out those pills,
unload that stupid little gun.
You are not going to **** me.

Late in the morning, I get out of bed
Feeling dizzy in my head
I look in the mirror and see what is me
How can that be?
I look like a fat swine
But truly, I'm fine

My stomach makes the sound of thunder
What a horrible blunder
I see everyone staring
The problem's not what I am wearing
Don't look at me
I'm just thirsty, I'm not hungry

I'm starting to see double
It's not going to be trouble
I continue my day
But faint, are you okay?
I wake up looking beaten
Don't worry, I've eaten

These are the lies I tell
and every day I excel
I tell them because I want to succeed
Even though I know it's not what I need
I ignore everyone's worries
But someone help me, please