I am disgusted with myself
Under a disappointed stare
The agony clear and palpable
As it courses through open air

I cannot change the deeds I've done
Unspeak the weighty lies I told
I work towards a better future
To prove trust is something I can uphold

The idea of you wondering
If I am not who I am
Keeps me enveloped in fear
Words barricaded in a tricky dam

Together we can tear down obstacles
Defeat shadows and doubt
One by one I will fix the problems
We have been fighting about

My ghouls are running wild, exposed
By the knife plunged into your heart
I long to have you in close proximity
Yet keep tearing your love apart

As your salt stings my chapped lips and my open wounds I come less and less to you

You grit your teeth into dust that carries through your heinous breath that makes my eyes water and my heart ache

And I cannot believe not too long ago I turned to you for care and comfort and compassion but instead I was caught in a tight spot lacking wiggle room

I can feel you burning a hole through my chest as I ***** words and phrases that don't make sense when put together like

"I love when you make me cry"

What to say to an already devastated mind
What to preach who is already a disciple of harsh thought
What to  believe in the one who have vapoured their beliefs
What to teach who have already taught themselves to get corrupted...

Your love is poison,
It spreads all through my body
Just like each goose bump
That remains on my skin,
Its the one thing that i can prove
That every inch of me
Is disgusted by you
You give me the coldest look,
I've never shivered so warmly.

I caught her staring at me again
I can't quite place
A name to the expression
she has when I catch her
looking
but it's different from when
she doesn't know i'm watching her
watching me
from the corner of my eye

She never brought up the 'notes'
even the one I wrote out of rage
I don't remember putting it
into her bag

But is she afraid
curious
spiteful
disgusted
What name can I for a fact
put to the face she makes
when she stares

And when I catch her

Only time I feel sane is when I bath.
When I cleanse my body of the sins I committed.
When my heavy weight of problems feel like a feather..
But this bath was different.
This bath was the ultimate two way street
Where I had to choose where to turn
This bath is where my doubts overpowered my way of thinking..
My lust for contact with a boy felted overpowering...  
This bath I took made me realize that I'm not okay...
This bath I took was the bath we're I laid my sins on the water just to go out and perform new sins that I was aware of...  
Where I knew I should have not done such yet I continue to go...
This bath was a traumatic bath because I knew I was going to be used and felt crap afterwards
But I still went for it..
This bath was the bath I knew I'd come back home regretting it and wished that never happened
This bath...  Just knew that I wouldn't listen

You Don't Know What
It's Like To Be Me.

Until You've Looked In The Mirror
And Don't Like What You See.

I went to pour out your bottle,
but found you had emptied it into your throat.

I wonder if that watered down ***** drowns out the taste of your daughter's empty "I love you's"