I wonder if that watered down ***** drowns out the taste of your daughter's empty "I love you's"

This thing, the words and all?  I was trying on a new skin.
It was made of the old -the familiar, too, but transformed.
Something added that could take root,
Take me out from the norm.
Take on a new identity.
Perform.
Squinting at a light, held at arm’s length:
My own spotlight.
So you could watch me act it all out,
Over and over, forever on the page.
but nothing ends as it began.
My troubles, my worries, my lust, my greed,
All fictionalized and petty.

Disgust and shame.
Anger and fear,
Are not advisable
Unless they bring about change.
Even those, now left behind.
Moulted.
Shedding my old skin.
Toughening up the new.

I always wondered,
How does one have so much negative things to say?
When it was he who did close to nothing
What did he offer me?
Maybe pain and a few rides back home
What else?
Maybe an introduction to his friends
About how I am his "sister"
What did I give him?
Time even if he gave me none
I even compromised with being okay seeing him once a week
Or even once a month
What else?
Thoughtfulness
Like how I used to go to his house
Only to give him food
During his stressful days
I mean, yes he paid for one of our lunch
Throughout the one month
I dont think he knows I even bought him a gshock for his birthday
but two weeks after buying his present
He ended things with me
That im sure he was clueless about
Actually no I think he was clueless about everything
Like all the things ive done for him
Or how it is definitely okay to be upset
When you have invested so much time
Effort
And feelings into someone
Who didnt care

And Angelo was my BIGGEST disappointment
and regret ive ever come across
because while he kept breaking me to pieces,
I stayed and held myself together
Only to keep him together
Only to keep the least person who deserved none of the things I gave him,
Whole.