Oh, how strange the day
That casts a shadow on my grave
That I have dug in wickedness
Through the flesh I have praised

I've found the woe in all of this
Yet in darkness I bathe my bones
While I chain my neck to sins
I stubbornly refuse to turn against

Like a sweet apple from a tree
I lust for the succulent taste
Of a fleeting happiness of addiction
That grasps my veins like ******

I've bonded myself to all the lies
That I  have whispered to my soul
Each night as I stared into the stars
And drifted to the hell inside my mind

But in this place I found an angel
That defended the death I claimed
And I, like the vulnerable sheep
Drank the words of all she said

Like a glutinous fool I was quenched
Until the morning came again
And I woke upon the driest desert
My soul shriveled to nothingness

Yet I find somewhere within my spirit
To fight against every ounce of me
That keeps running to false desires
In hopes to find the freedom I yearn

I plead to be crippled from head to toe
To fall on my knees for eternity
Until I'm bruised and broken
And my heart can breathe again

When my lungs are filled with joy
That sings mellifluously throughout
And my eyes burn with passion
Ignited by the purest of light

And like an earthquake on land
May my spirit be shaken violently
Until the day I'm alive again
Where my mind will blossom

Like a field of flowers in the spring
Where the birds hum their beauty
And my thoughts are silenced
While my flesh dances like the bees


Oh, how beautiful this day will be
When winter is quelled by the sun
And every life is flourishing
In the Truth that we all had lost

a wild rough presence
and each carved muscle
are the art of God!
to skin it's Desire
and to flesh it' affection
beneath a creeping thought
I lay fertile,
Vanity, gluttony, lustful sins
I pardon,
gluttony is of your love's hunger
that I desire
and those I commit
are lustful sins

the remarkable thing is that in all of my confusion about you, I really knew from the beginning all I needed to know and then some. I knew that this glass panel I had placed before me was mucky and soaked with dirt; I was seeing the full picture, but through the wrong lens. I don’t think about you much anymore, maybe once or twice every now and then, but all of the bundles of escape and the masks of summer were torched in all of our distractions from reality. time has moved like it always does, and our minds have evolved to our own separate desires. for you that would be the fake laughs and twisted foul calls you don’t fully agree with, and for me, well I’m not really sure at this point… maybe it’s my decoupage of memories that keep me going, or maybe it’s just the benefit of the doubt. sometimes, I picture all kinds of wildflowers; purple, yellow, red, and white, and I try to imagine them as the serenity in my life, so out of the ordinary to be left unnoticed. that’s exactly how you have become, just a plain old wildflower in my life left on the side of the highway.


(j.a.r.)

The realness of it all
just
hits me.

My *******,

could be what most
definitely
ends we.

My love,
I am a bomb...
waiting to tick.

the ring on a grenade,
wanting to click.

I knew it wouldn't arrive
I knew it was a lie
How much time cause of him did I loose
Broken promises with zero done
This is love, very problematic
Like you, Like me

It's a wait on the telephone
The simple adventure on the ilogic
The craziness of the magic
A posion without any antidote
The bitternitess of infity.
This is love, very problematic
Like you, Like me

I do not need you to love me
like an insecure youth.
Life has been cruel
and taught me that such words can be mute.

I do not need you to hold me
each and every night.
I have learnt that such demands
can drive one further away.

I do not need you to change me,
or me to change you.
Such actions are poignant
like a steak through the heart.

I do need some sense of security though,
to know that you trust me
to be there when you need me
and when you don't,
and for you to do the same for me.

As long as our hearts may desire,
and faith that when they no longer do,
that I will be a sweet fading memory
for you.

My mouth is guided to a pasture of white roses
The momentum of the unseen builds like a sparkling night

The dark shadows unhinge me as the stone wall stacks like bricks
The vines wrap around its crevices and webs into spontaneous paths
My mouth guides to the light as my eyes roll back

I decide to stick my arms to my chest and feel the light of dust roll onto my arms
Push, Push, Pull
I drink the light as my body is closer to full exposure of it's power
The tingling of teasing is so close
My heave to reach to the top of the rose garden is extraordinary
I push and pull with every arm, but every time my mind is more excited I become weaker
My mind is foggy
The roses are now blooming into red, and the night is changing into day and the lure of the mysterious is straying it's luster
As my weak body touches the top of the Stone Wall I split my legs into two and dangle my legs with the faintness of falling between the stone wall.  

The moment my mind feels the light on my nose I fall back
I fall back into a dark black ground
My body rolls around in the ground as I find more ways to feel more sorry for myself

I am depressed with rage and sorrow

The light thickens into blackness and the roses begin turn into a darker more deep blood red.
I see my hands pick up the blood from my lips as they drip red, blue, black, and purple
I see my eyes as they puff up into black and my skin peels back into so many layers of rough edges

I wanted to be seen! Oh how I wanted to see the light of day! I wanted to feel the skin on my cheek.... I wanted to be seen in the light for what I am.

The stone wall held me back

The wall covered in roses took away my skin and gave me a different pair of eyes.

So I am looking at myself in the black water shielded by the sun, who is this body? What do these eyes want you to see?

They want you to hear the unheard and see what you can not.

Actions are words at deeds,
Feelings untold,
Feelings unspoken,
Actions are worth better at showing.

Love is a building tool,
Hearts breaking,
Hearts leaking,
Love is still a mending wool.

How do you say these words felt?
When is the right moment to voice them?
What hormone builds such a desire?
Will these emotions ever die?

Words Unspoken,
Hearts sealed,
Love leaking,
Thoughts hindering.

Words untold,
By a heart dreading,
To a heart unknowing,
For a stranger unseeing.

Why do desires  turn to space when you go to grab it, Then beam on your neck as soon as you walk away?