Dear diary;
I thought about dying today...
or so I thought I did.
I think about death a lot lately
and I'm not too sure I
know the difference.

I'm not that girl, who smiles.
I'm not that girl who has a cute laugh.
I'm not that girl who every guy wants as a girlfriend.
I'm not that girl.

I'm not that girl, who can forget easily.
I'm not that girl, who can hold grudges.
I'm not that girl, who has her own people.
I'm not that girl.

I'm not that girl, who has popularity.
I'm not that girl, who everyone wants in their life.
I'm not that girl, who needs fame over friends.
I'm not that girl.

But,

I am that girl, who'll go out of her way to make you smile.
I am that girl, who laughs with you but never at you.
I am that girl, who has eyes only for that one special guy.
I am that girl.

I am that girl, who won't forget but will forgive.
I am that girl, who can never HATE anyone.
I am that girl, who pretends to love her life to not let anyone worry. Cz
I am that girl.

I am that girl, who fakes a smile.
I am that girl, who cares below her façade.
I am that girl, who never feels enough.
I am that girl.

I am that girl, who's actually very silent.
I am that girl, who's strength is slowly fading.
I am that girl, who slowly getting tired.
I am that girl.

I am that girl, who cries herself to sleep.
I am that girl, who's doesn't go to the balcony just to see the beautiful sight.
I am that girl, who's strength is slowly fading.
I am that girl.


But,

You see that girl, who's rude.
You see that girl, who can never say the right things.
You see that girl, who's mean.
You see that girl, who doesn't give a **** about others.
You see that girl, who's always in the wrong place.
You see that girl, who's annoying as hell.
You see that girl, who's always loud.
You see that girl, who's extremely bulk
You see that girl, who's never tired.
You see that girl, who's always smiling.
You see that girl, who never cries.
You see that girl, who's talking someone against self-harm.
You see that girl, that's forever strong.
You only see that girl.

~Ishvarya.

Dear Diary;
now that the dust has settled
I have realized that
all I want to do is
work,
travel,
work,
travel
to distract myself
from the joke that is my life

My life is a mess
but so are
you.

Dear Diary;
this year already
tastes like last year
and I can see the
rot ahead.

Dear Diary;
It's the last day
of the year and I
think I will burst into tears
for having held them in
all year.

Summer has
only just begun,
yet it feels like winter
now that you are here.
Hell will freeze over
by the time all is
said and done.

Dear Diary;
I have concluded that
there is no soul left in me-
maybe I never had one.
All I know is that there are
no dreams and no love
to be desired.

One more kiss,
one more drink,
and I can go home
a happy man.
Oh, if only it were
that simple.