I went to Hell
for Christmas eve
only to return with
something nice
to gift you for
this special
day.

It died when I
no longer felt warmth
in your kiss nor
the spark in your words.
So just bury this beast
we call 'love',
anything else would be inhumane.
Anything more and we’ll die too.

When our
shadows die,
do they bleed
light?

December is just
a month-
so why all the
gloom?

You broke me into millions of little pieces

I am never going to be even close to who I was before

We both tried putting me back together

But I am missing too many to hold my guts inside

It took a lot of
courage to tell you that I
am far from okay

5:10 AM
16/12/19

through hell & through earth
an angel starts to die
to death & from birth
an angel starts to die

so when we can't cry but try
when we can't die but try
it's the price we pay when an angel starts to die

we threw stones at the stars but the sky fell down
cause' when angels die ash hits the ground

and as the darkness fades to black
your soul dissipates; never to return back
she will never love you the way you love her eyes
because ash only falls when an angel starts to die

I’ve been down to this place before
Devouring my flesh like a self-cannibal
Another lap around this body
Swallowing the serpent’s tail.
It hisses just behind me,
Covering every track, I make.
When my inner eye turns to see its trail,
It will be consumed by the snake.

Is my preacher a liar?
Is it in my nature?
Am I no different than the animal?
Are my thoughts even mine at all?
I am not alone in this body,
There’s a stranger here with me.
Making every choice for me,
Dug out of my ancestry.

Muscles expand and contract,
Pulling me further in.
I feel myself dissolving,
The past is the future again.

My own ouroboros.

**** the lights,
Take my eyes.
I don’t want to see,
The serpent that’s swallowing me.

It feels like I’ve done this all before.
Swallowing my tail.

**** death before it is born again.

Dear me-
I think I can
love again,
not well,
but at least
I am trying.

Like a shooting star, what was once now is gone forever
leaving a trail of memories behind,
the only thing lighting this bleak sky called life.
The night is cold and we are restless,
staring at the dark ceiling caging us in.
Headphones cover the ears of the sane,
blocking out the screams of their companions.
And here I stand,
surrounded by voices blending and changing,
monsters streaking out of mouths and
capturing others before freeing them
only to make them its slave – a contagion,
contaminating even the purest of hearts.
The sounds from my sweet songs mix
with the knives from the real world,
easily piercing through the fragile film
that keeps out the monsters.
As the daggers bury deeper into my haven
the darkness slips in,
wrapping me up and stifling my silent screams.
The headphones removed, reality’s sky blinds me
as the monster slides down my throat
and settles in my gut.
It curls around my stomach and lungs and tightens its grip,
now a constrictor leeching the life out of its prey.
I’ve been caught. The virus called life
has
found
me.