-The modern day is poor as people continue to act wild
-Lack of accountability been running rounds
for miles
-Marching marathons in remorse for awhile
-Watching expectations come up short as it starts to pile
-Its been a long time that its been a good time now
-Happiness is hard to be found
-Life has emotionally been roller coasting in the pandemic trials
-And time is racing pass the finish line, hoping to make this life count

-I talk pro about growth cause it’s important to me
-But letting go certain habits is a con i’m avoiding in me
-Praying towards my come up. Patience is slow, but surely
-I’ll manage to overcome those traits one day with the burning desire in me
-I know the potential is in me
-Been supporting free speech to damage people to speak out like it’s therapy
-But hold up, who’s volunteering their time for me to hear my story?

-Life’s crazy causing pressure on me
-Single making 50k yearly, but the office career is unhappy
-The girl I love right now not even mentally ready for me
-Of course I love myself but now who’s gonna love me?
-My heart holds hope while beating lonely, and yet
-Waiting patiently for something new and more
-Chances of getting married now is betting a craps game on the floor

-Can’t continue to sleep with this women I have deep feelings for
-If it’s 50/50 we’re not going to be together moving forward
-And if there’s zero chance for us in the future,
then allow me to close our paradise door
-Back to the drawing board of this single world tour
-Letting go is hard, but good for the soul i’m sure
-Healing these deep wounds is speaking straight to the primary source
-So I started writing my confessions in multiple letters to the Lord

-Hoping my sins don’t cast the next stone, which I can’t afford
-Asking God how further away am I from my reward?
-Once I take that first step to obedience, then his light will shine from the door
-This the start when I stop “starting over” and gain a little more
-This the start when blessings touch my hands as they begin to pour
-This the start when feeling apart turns my part into love and adore
-This the start when the heart can fully be restored
-And if there’s a high chance of life turning around, this the time I walk further towards more in store
-Growth is what i’m fighting for

You, to me, run like clockwork.
Which is to say:

In sections , your insides spin at insidious speeds, whirring a blur of gold silver copper gold silver copper-
In others, they crawl, wrestling, pushing, heaving, scraping and screeching.
A cacophony of cogs, the crashes spark thoughts.
Thoughts that think of everything,
Thoughts that think your mate can sing
Thoughts you thunk when you where drunk,
Thoughts you think you thought you’d thunk,
Thoughts that form into ideas,
Thoughts that show eternal fears.
Thoughts you thought you thought you’d thunk,
Thoughts you think you thought you’d thought but nought comes to mind about the thought you thought you’d thought about thinking the thought you’d thunk,
Thunk, Thunk , Clunk.

These lighting shards that shatter and glow,
They seem to know which way to go.
Conjoin with fractured other parts,
To hold together another heart.

But all they see, is a calm face.
That subtly shifts from day to night.
So unaware of any fright.
Tick, tick, tock.

You are the all encompassing
Incomprehensible complex
A never ending clockwork
Spinning deeper and deeper
Swirling deeper, deeper
Twirling, deeper, deeper, deeper

Dirt and diamond and daisies and you,
Contain all in life i know to be true.
Clockwork you.

A deep conversation with heaven
Unspoken words and sorrows
Emanate from my fountain pen
Igniting my creative flows

-talking to the moon about you

Mountains of pain is what I have been foretold
Waves of confusion for my being and all that is
Constantly questioning everything in a dark world that is painfully cold
I apologize for sometimes being so terrible with words as I am trying to express the gratitude I have within me
I try my best to seem appreciative, to seem friendly
Positive perspectives in this life I know I may lack
Many emotions I refuse to show to the world because I know very well how they can be belittled or mocked behind my back
Empathy I feel for those who share feelings similar to how I do, for they should never
I’m quite good at persuading others in believing positive lies about life, I’m what you may call clever
The truth is we are all inevitably doomed for an earth that cannot handle all of our weight
I returned to these same earthly grounds after many centuries, perhaps too late
Misunderstood, is my old soul to this generation, but perhaps it was always
Each day I find myself wishing, begging for clearer days
Time is a wheel that never stops
Silence greets us when we are alone at night, yet the chaos screams so very loud within our deepest thoughts  
Music grips my saddened soul, warming me to my core
Bringing me company, somewhat soothing the pain I fail to ignore
I often sit and remind myself how there is good in this world and it shall win over the evil.. or at least this is what people believe
Evil often hunches over me, but I need the light to shine through the darkest depths of my being so the stress and discontent inside can perhaps heal, perhaps relieve
I take what comes whether it may be fair or not
I’m unsure of how many demons I have even successfully fought
Familiar feelings I have carried with me, heavy as my fatigued eyes
The belief that I will get better may just be nothing but lies, lies, lies.

a deep slated plume
of hatred for those telling
me what not to do
such a mindful waste

Get familiar with knowing silence, it is the permanent outcome for us all.

Drawing down the moon
eyes on deep down the ocean.
Perhaps no sketch on the up for a dwarf  
but deep down may be a mirror.