There's a story untold,
and that is, my dad has a heart of gold.
I promise you, I'll take care of you when you grow old.
Like how you took care of me, when I'm three years old.

He holds hammer, he likes gun,
and he will do anything for his loved one.
I'm so happy,
cause to have you as my dad?
I'm very lucky.

Peugeot, Porsche, Lexus, Ford.
You deserve more, more than adored.
With you, my life will be explored,
Without you, it will be uncolored.

"The greatest gift I ever had, came from God, and I call him dad."
I love you Daddy,
You never let me feel unhappy,
because you always do your duty,
and that is making me feel "Life is easy."

Dad, you're my superhero.
You know how to keep me out of sorrow.
With you, there's a beautiful tomorrow.
And with you, I glow.

I love you Daddy.....

Because yes,

You are the reason I have these problems, these scars on my wrists and thoughts in my head. My unspoken horror in the night, but you used to be the one to read me to sleep. Like a boy with a magnifying glass, you tried to do everything you can to doubt me, put me over the edge and put a suicide to the front of my mind.
It’s not that you’re mean, horrid or cold-hearted

It’s just that you are only as ****** up as the rest of it, but too clever to see.

Myself, too kind to let him show it, because I was the one who stayed,
Who stayed and held your hand

Who removed the knife and wiped the blood away.

But you never noticed me, sitting there on the floor. An ant on the pavement, as the boy with the magnifying glass cowers over, my life in his fragile hands.

You were once my dad, but I fear you have but become a shell of your former self, and unrecognisable memory of a happy man who is covered in grief and layers of dirt in the form of depression, built up long ago from a broken home.

So, no. I can’t blame you.

You and I are in the same sinking ship, but only one can swim and you always got sea sick. Sick of my company, sick of me.

I see
the fear in my father’s eyes
as he beheld the world fall,
as he screams through
the wall,
and starts to lose it all.

I see
the fear in his eyes
when he gives me
an hour’s worth
of lecture
as he tries to
tell me to do
better.

His pain
he does not keep;
he has kept his hurt in
for far too long
already.

He sees
the world around me
crumble
as buildings topple
over one another
and he sees
my position
under the rubble.

He weeps
as he predicts the day
I die
by sword or by stone.
He unleashes his wrath of
frustrations
he’s been through

“Don’t die, son.
Keep staying alive.
Keep breathing,
keep moving,
keep working
to survive.”

I see
the fear in my father’s eyes
as he beheld the world fall
He does not want me
to lose it all
He does not want me
to lose.

“Survive, son.”
It’s okay, Pa.
Don’t worry.

I’ll live.

I brought a pen
cause I want to write
nothing important,
just my thought.
cause of this little square
journal book,
that remind me of you.
even when I hates you
I want to write it on that book
how silly is that book is.
nothing important,
you give it away to someone
who don't appreciate the truly
meaning of that silly book.

Amber is the color of your energy,
I know I understand you,
bonded from paternal love, so naturally,
A soft melody, Your reasons, a lot of,
times you learned, fueled by experience,
your guidance for me, it's furious,

You're gone now, with a part of me
We can't find common ground,
we agree to burn it down,
We play it like a game,
Too late, we realize that's lame,

the needing in our compass is trembling,
your words hurt, an eminent sting,
Now I see all the futility,
of resisting all these jaded realities,

Don't burn what can't be rebuilt,
your mind is a million miles away,
your heart in the same place,
fix the day, before you separate,

Now I've hit the ground running,
these lessons I find so cunning,
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin,
The water is getting warm, go ahead, swim,

I miss you dad, and this is how I say
goodbye, I know you cannot stay,
The years start coming, and they don't stop,
Anxiety's the worry on top,
I know I let you down,
but I'm just a slave to the night,

I know I gave you hell through the years,
I know you've shed countless tears,
and I know you have countless tears.

But now there's a single truth.
There's you in everything I do,

Betrayal is what I felt today,
a feeling not so strange.

Light it, smoke it, breathe it in,
choose it; yet again.

You are beautiful, and yet terrifying, you push your limits to try to get to Cloud9 -
until you are flying, flying away from your imperfect life, away from your mom and your dad.
you swear you'll never become anything like them-
you never open up, but when you do, oh when you do, your blue beautiful eyes stream water- pouring down your face , you probably have realized that even on cloud nine
you feel misplaced

Lately, my bones have been aching more than usual.
They call them growing pains and although I may not be physically
growing, I can still feel myself changing.
I remember when I was younger
and you used to be my best friend,
you were the super hero and I was your faithful sidekick.
But lately, the only attention I seem to get from you is just the
anger that was meant for my mother.
(That she never deserved.)
Maybe I remind you of her too much.
I remember once in the car you yelled at me.
You said, "Just shut up. You can never be wrong,
can you?
You're just like your ***** of a mother.:
You didn't know it, but I was crying.
And for whatever reason,
I still feel love for you.
You got in my face,
You yelled at me,
You almost hit me.
"Stay out of my ******* life."
I still love you though.
You drink so you don't have to feel and
that's one thing I've learned from you.
Thank you,
Dad.

-o.b.