The word ‘poet’ no longer sits comfortably between my teeth.
I grind it, choke it down, regurgitate it, manipulate it to be something it never will.
I wash it down with lovers, cut my feet on the shards of broken hearts I leave behind.
Still, your curse bleeds out from feet and wrists that carry the cross I bare.

You made me from the scars of every woman you ever hurt.
My body is an ocean of tears that were cried in your name.
Your infidelities, the ball tied to the chain that pulls me under.
Under the dead weight of guilt left on a 1000 lips that weren’t my mother.

Now she sits at the table, by all accounts alive and well, but we know you killed her.
Your face rests upon my bones, tormenting her, like a ghost forever caught in limbo..
You're the XY. Shes your ex and I’m your why? Like why create a body you won’t love.
The ghosts of your women scream inside my head, like I should die for your sins.

So I give myself entirely, and fall in love with everyone I meet.
I’m looking for silence, my chalk outline hidden between bed sheets.
Because this is what you taught me, this is all you ever said.
Naked I wait for someone to hold me, to settle the panic in my head.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark, with a  hope to see a view filled of stars. I've dived into dreams and drowned too deep that now its difficult even to differentiate between day and dark. I begin the story again today, even as the winter winds have been warning me on not to bring new bugs into my brain. Years of care was cursed by a single ring and now left me to find my own cure. 1

All the announced amendments altered already and that sunny warm day,was  when the rings were exchanged. My feet followed to a new home, found a new soul to share,  and a new person to live with.! Tears filled eyes but a hope for a better life. It was another moment when my parents smiled though i had tears dropping down.

Shining everyday in a new way, making every move a moment to memorize with love. We were singled out for laudation, as were pointed to be the best couple. I almost started to forget my home, my parents, my people, and my life, as the new life had not the better ones, but still could trivialize my past off my mind.


And one day everything changed, began phonation, and further filled odiousness, words crumpled and feelings grumbled, all our love and hatred jumbled, loath among us silently aligned to outburst, and with a sudden pounce all the pandemonium proliferated and conflicts growled.
"i never loved you actually, just was forced to" that words owned the same tears just as the ring did once. i know i couldn't reply, but i really wanted to.


pulled a bag to the shoulders, and lugging it out, i thought of all the smiles, and all the highness, that kept me blind throughout our relation, just a dangerous drug had dragged me inn, chopped me up into little pearl pieces and quaffed me up.  frustration frowned, pique at peeks, woes worsened, i couldn't resist and after great toil to control i throbbed my handbag against his head, running drops down my eyes still. He swept me off to the ground with a single slap, and recollected not to apologize but for another shot.


clutched my chin and spoke, warned that he would wing me to hell. clenched my neck and spoke, notified that i could be dead soon, seized my legs and spoke, leave me or leave your breath, and banged me down. Even before i hit the floor i knew, i can never imagine a life without him, a life without breathing would be preferable.


splash*
I was in my room, behind the metal bars, holding me from the rest of the prisoners. thinking of the day, i stabbed a knife against his heart, then i knew he would die, i felt the pain, my heart weighed high, but i also knew, that if i left him alive then at that moment, he would **** me, but i wanted to live, at least to let the world know that i can still stand, though i fell down, I've had enough zest to stand back.

his blood ran through my hands, eyes widened and drowned for the last time, breathing deep and deeper, mouth opened wide and wider trying to catch a breath, forgot to fight back so i fastened to faint down.

I did wake up at the hospital, with few police men around me guarding. They call me '308', I didn't knew back then, but what they meant was that I committed a ******. Recollection of memories started in my mind, yet i couldn't cry, as tear sacks emptied already, wasn't exactly fear but love,

Yes, love that hated myself, love that wanted him, love that loved him, love that wanted me dead, love that boosted pain, love that murmured death wishes, love that broke, love that stroke a mother on seeing her baby for the first time, love that hit a father on his daughters marriage event, love that waved a brother at the end of the game, love that brought mid night ice creams to a sister, love that now kept me in crying, weeping actually.

I screamed ******* the hospital bed, and was immediately tied to the metal bars attached to the bed, pain was all I could feel, love was still fading in from nowhere. I know I love him, I didn't have to prove it to the world, but I have to accept the bitter truth that I killed him with my ****** hands, and suddenly from the heavens, a wild laugh in the room broke my pain and silenced my tears, it took me long enough to realize, when the doctor said "Oneirophrenia", the laugh was mine, I was crying inside, but someone above me was laughing out to the world.

I didn't know what was happening, I was weeping still, but physically it was called laughter. Couple fortnights passed, and the judgement " seize until treated mental illness, by the Indian penal code 308 considering mental depression of the convict ".

Prison is nothing new, as my heart was seized long ago, when the knife pierced through his flesh, as well penetrated past my soul. Later few years, again a new brightness, a sunny day, a glittering sunlight filled my eyes, my parents took me home, and fed me all that I loved, they thought I've forgotten all my past, I'm a new man. But the truth there was no difference in me, I was weeping and still crying the same in me, but back then I was physically laughing and smiling as if everything were alright.

Years later again, a young boy visited me at the charity, where I now stay, after loosing my parents, and asked me if he can have my story narrated to him.
I warned him "its a sad one", he reassured that he can take it all, no matter how sad it goes by the end, and I began.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark, with a  hope to see a view filled of stars. I've dived into dreams and drowned too deep that now its difficult even to differentiate between day and dark. I begin the story again today, even as the winter winds have been warning me on not to bring new bugs into my brain. Years of care was cursed by a single ring and now left me to find my own cure. *2

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Kno­wn stranger❤
www.anoldstranger.wordpress.com

The emptiness is crippling me now that you’re gone again,
You keep telling me soon, you’ll return to my side,
That it’s not over yet, we’ll keep spreading the sorrow together,

For you and I, there is no such thing as a happy ending,
I’d rather die than watch you recede though,
Although the tears keep falling, every second you’re away,
I’d wait eternity if it meant we could be as one.

Except if you keep me waiting so long beloved,
You might return to nothing but a pile of dust,
For without you, I’m slowly falling apart.

He was my greatest sin,
The devil tempting me,
Just one taste..
Was all it took,
For my entire world to decay,
Shining so brightly,
I was blinded by his charm,
Still sinking deeper,
I refuse to let him go.

I was his greatest sin,
The one no one else could reach,
Not even in their dreams,
The one he put up on a pedal-stool,
His beautiful prize,
Forever his queen,
He swore to keep me by his side,
No matter the cost.

Our selfish needs,
Our joined betrayal,
Made them all weep,
never to be forgiven,
eternally cursed,
These are just the sins we bare.

I found my love yet again,
In the beautiful garden.

Among fragrant flowers,
Beyond the thorny bush.

I cannot ever forget her,
Moving on is impossible.

Let her be stone-hearted,
I can not change it now.

I feel that I will be alone,
Like dead resting in grave.