Trust me when I say,
I won't make it through this day,
And when these lights do dim,
I'll enact my final sin.
When you come over late.
And my heart believes in fate.
But my mind knows much more.
My lifeless body on this floor.
Even if you loved me.
I would only bring you pain.
Because everyone I love,
It always end the same.
The best that I can do.
What's really best for you..
Is to leave you far away.
In the end regardless, no one ever stays.
Trust me when I tell you,
I cannot feel at all.
And when you say you love me,
That will be the start of our fall.
Because my heart is empty.
My mind is numb to pain.
Is it romantic if you watch
As my life begins to drain?
Here I stare, At this screen...
Until words come out.
In hopes that I can somehow convey this feeling...
What am I feeling?
An emptiness so hollow that my thoughts consume themselves.
Why won't the words come out?
Am I mad? Sad? Depressed?
Is this for a reason? Is it all in my head?
I'm lost so lost.
I've been trying so hard since you left.
Everyone always leaves.
But you were the only one that made me see...
I need to be stronger.
I need to keep pushing on.
At least until the words come out.
Sink or swim.
Time is thin.
Months to go.
I can't breathe in.
In you weave.
Your deep regrets.
Balls in my court?
That's all you can say.
Boy's games are child's play.
They think they're cunning.
They believe they're smart.
But they fuck with poets.
They play with art.
Girls you see,
We play for keeps.
Close your eyes... go to sleep.
It's always little things that take me back to you.
A lyric in a song.
A shimmer in the snow.
A dark lonely street.
When I have to let someone go.
The darkness of my own hair,
And how it looks against your skin.
The softest of touch,
And elegant curves that reflect your grin.
The sleepless nights in this apartment.
The photos on my wall.
The pain inside my heart.
You're image is in it all.
The journals that I keep.
The drawings I recreate.
The tears that fall.
All the things I hate.
Because of you I'm forced to live.
This new found notion; "I want to be strong."
Even though you're not around to care...
Who would have thought I'd make it this long.
You say you love her,
But you can't seem to remain true.
I love a lot of people, but I am in love with you.
Today I saw pity.
Pity in eyes fixed right on me.
The girl that never knew love.
And the oh so perfect, He.
Today I guess was my judgement.
Patient fingers tap awaiting for my repent.
But to Him, I had none...
I feel it's been time well spent.
Little dove are you hurting?
Are you all torn up inside?
This love you keep trying to feel;
Where oh where could it hide?
The tides are changing quickly.
I see you becoming bored.
Every jagged knife stab...
When will a Prince come end it with his sword?
Empty hearts poor out sorrow.
Cracked hearts set the room a flood.
Having both just makes you hollow...
The water runs red with your blood.
Misery loves company.
But look, you're all alone.
Look at how you make them smile,
While your fragile heart turns into stone.
December is a cold month.
A time when nature dies,
Along with parts of me.
December is a month of dreary days.
Lit up with lights to mask the pain.
Just an excuse to drink.
Food, family, friends.
It's all just more fuel to think.
I grew up to understand the Grinch.
Whose heart became so small.
And although these lights do warm me,
I want to crush them all.
December is a month of lies and of deceit.
It's not at all about spirit, rather a receipt.
I'd prefer sit alone.
A fireplace and a book.
Than sit along beside others, to have my heart led astray by some crook.
"Thank you for sleeping next to me."
A notion that I think a lot can't understand.
On the surface I guess I get that.
What it looks like to the outside, I mean.
People never look beyond on that...
They never consider what else could be seen.
So when I utter, "than you"s,
It's not just cordial or routine.
When I say to you, "thank you",
It's because you've reached some place within me.
People all have secrets.
Heartaches and pain.
And sometimes I guess company can keep that hurt at bay.
Though I create situations that will end in sorrow one day,
And though your time isn't compulsory,
I do appreciate when you stay.
I guess I like flawed people,
Because they show me I'm not alone.
Maybe I'm a mistake to you,
But it's not important if somehow we both grow.
I'm not so great with words these days.
Not that it means anything to someone who doesn't know much about me...
But when I wrote you to you today, I guess I felt like rhyming.
Thank you for sleeping next to me.
Because sometimes the night brings a vicious a storm.
And even though this time means nothing,
I greatly appreciate you keeping me warm.