I tried to write of someone new,
But everything I wrote down,
Made me remember you.
I wanted to talk about his dazzling smile.
And the way it makes the air around me glow.
But then I saw your face.
Plastered on that smile that always knows.
I wanted to write about his eyes.
Oh, how the sun makes them gleam.
But then I saw your gaze.
That one that makes me look away.
I want to find out his personality and charm,
But then you start reaching out your arm..
And tell me things like,
"If only time was different."
I can only think that he'll be another you.
All of his dazzling features to haunt me in the time coming soon.
I guess I haven't grown very strong.
I still can't see your face and feel nothing at all.
Above the surface.
Not for long.
That wraps around you in the night.
Makes your heart beat.
Gives you fright.
That you breathe in.
Lost in bliss.
Don't forget, I'm sin.
In a moments time.
The sun comes up.
You're not mine.
Like a bullet shot through your brain.
You become intoxicated with pain.
If fills you up; the taste of "we".
Misery loves company.
Trust me when I say,
I won't make it through this day,
And when these lights do dim,
I'll enact my final sin.
When you come over late.
And my heart believes in fate.
But my mind knows much more.
My lifeless body on this floor.
Even if you loved me.
I would only bring you pain.
Because everyone I love,
It always end the same.
The best that I can do.
What's really best for you..
Is to leave you far away.
In the end regardless, no one ever stays.
Trust me when I tell you,
I cannot feel at all.
And when you say you love me,
That will be the start of our fall.
Because my heart is empty.
My mind is numb to pain.
Is it romantic if you watch
As my life begins to drain?
Here I stare, At this screen...
Until words come out.
In hopes that I can somehow convey this feeling...
What am I feeling?
An emptiness so hollow that my thoughts consume themselves.
Why won't the words come out?
Am I mad? Sad? Depressed?
Is this for a reason? Is it all in my head?
I'm lost so lost.
I've been trying so hard since you left.
Everyone always leaves.
But you were the only one that made me see...
I need to be stronger.
I need to keep pushing on.
At least until the words come out.
Sink or swim.
Time is thin.
Months to go.
I can't breathe in.
In you weave.
Your deep regrets.
Balls in my court?
That's all you can say.
Boy's games are child's play.
They think they're cunning.
They believe they're smart.
But they fuck with poets.
They play with art.
Girls you see,
We play for keeps.
Close your eyes... go to sleep.
It's always little things that take me back to you.
A lyric in a song.
A shimmer in the snow.
A dark lonely street.
When I have to let someone go.
The darkness of my own hair,
And how it looks against your skin.
The softest of touch,
And elegant curves that reflect your grin.
The sleepless nights in this apartment.
The photos on my wall.
The pain inside my heart.
You're image is in it all.
The journals that I keep.
The drawings I recreate.
The tears that fall.
All the things I hate.
Because of you I'm forced to live.
This new found notion; "I want to be strong."
Even though you're not around to care...
Who would have thought I'd make it this long.
You say you love her,
But you can't seem to remain true.
I love a lot of people, but I am in love with you.
Today I saw pity.
Pity in eyes fixed right on me.
The girl that never knew love.
And the oh so perfect, He.
Today I guess was my judgement.
Patient fingers tap awaiting for my repent.
But to Him, I had none...
I feel it's been time well spent.
Little dove are you hurting?
Are you all torn up inside?
This love you keep trying to feel;
Where oh where could it hide?
The tides are changing quickly.
I see you becoming bored.
Every jagged knife stab...
When will a Prince come end it with his sword?
Empty hearts poor out sorrow.
Cracked hearts set the room a flood.
Having both just makes you hollow...
The water runs red with your blood.
Misery loves company.
But look, you're all alone.
Look at how you make them smile,
While your fragile heart turns into stone.