Beyond the city limits
These lights swarm the sky
Instead of the ground
An orb it does form
Squeezing everything inside
Together, for better or for worse

It's there where I see you again
The buildings feel so far away now
Only a room do we stay in
Enclosed but not locked
Let me sit on your bed for a moment to
Inspect the condition of which your skull, hands, and spine are in

Our eyes meet and suddenly
I'm looking from the inside
Out again
While I'm staring so deliberately,
I find a piece of me
Lodged inside your ear,
So deep it sleeps on the pillows of your pretty pink pipes
That flush with the most vibrant of colors every night
It stays quiet while you draw near unconsciousness
Then when I say "goodnight" to you,
Into midnight I soar away and try to break the walls around your mind just so I can whisper
Goodmorning to you in your dreams

The sunrise must be astonishing from this far away
I wish, somehow, that I could stay
Here alone with your warm gooey mind
We would both cry while we watch blue transfuse into golden strands
Over a wide, open, greenish space
New skies arise from below our toes
Dissolving the salted stars and igniting a crisp morning fire that
Warms the pale skin off of your face and
Engulfs the walls of this room with flames until
All that's left is the stone-cold ground

Mystery, slow and steady
As I watch the stars take form
Powerless in this shell
But at least it's kept me warm
Concealing the outside world
From me, just a scared little girl
With no thoughts of bravery
Or curiosity to wonder about the storm
As lightning strikes
Through the scars in my eyes
And imagined tears take form

Tunneling through the hole in my brain
Trying to find a spot in which you still remain
Getting lost continuously along the way
Finding old memories,
Some dreams previously lost to me
Leaving my thoughts in disarray
If only I could find you, you'd say
'Take my hand, I'll guide you home
And never lead you astray'
But that destiny is clearly lost to me
And deep inside, I start to pray

To my once dearest friend,
I simply wish to make amends,
I know that you've moved on
It's my turn to go.

But what's it like to realize
That what we felt was only lies 
And not for real?
Did it catch you by surprise,
And did he open up your eyes
To how you feel?
Oh, I just want to know, my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

I often wished to write, but then,
I feared upsetting you again.
 I really should move on,
But I need to know.

Will I look into her eyes 
Only to think of all the times 
I looked at you?
Will not everything she does 
 Simply remind me of the love 
That I first knew?
Oh I just want to know, my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

I can't help thinking of
The day I get to fall in love 
And show how far I've come,
That I've let go.

But what's it like to realize 
That your first love was all a lie
And not for real?
When she looks me in the eye
Will it catch me by surprise 
just how I feel?
Oh, I just want to know my friend;
What's it like to fall in love again?

 I'm not sure how I'll feel.
How will I know if it is real,
Or if it's better that I run;
I need to know.

Will she catch me off my guard
And will I feel within my heart
A love that's strong?
Or will I know upon first sight
When I'm with her I am right 
Where I belong?
Oh, I just want to know, my friend;

Will she help me off the ground
And will I at last be found
As I take her hand?
It hurt like nothing else before
When you knocked me to the floor,
I couldn't stand.
Though I know you said we can't be friends;
Tell me, what's it like to fall in love again?

9/10/14

CONFORMITY kills CURIOSITY

Momma brought me up to fear
all of those four-letter words.
Two times two combinations that
stirred my interest and made me wonder.
Four-letters that I would
string together and spout off
louder and prouder than
a freshly lit firecracker
spinning and spitting on hot July pavement.
The same four letters that
slapped my fingers, flicked my lips,
lathered my mouth with bitter bar soap
and coated my tongue
with crushed red pepper
until there was nothing left
to touch
to speak
to chew
to taste
but my cautious curiosity surrounding
a apprehension of language that I refused
to acknowledge.

And when I grew up, like most little girls do,
I kept my nose in my books
straitlaced, like Momma asked,
and I learned
about my freedom of speech
and his freedom of speech
and her freedom of speech
and the same freedom of speech
that celebrates our right to use all words
in any order—
four letters or not.
In those same books, I learned that
freedoms come with their own price.
And trust me, I’m no stranger to their
single-syllable ugliness.
It’s their power to elicit such reactions
that makes them such forbidden fruits—
such juicy, delectable flesh at that.

In that same vein, I read the bible too,
and I know
when Eve bit into that apple,
homegirl wanted a little more than to just
keep the doctor away.
She wanted her own mind.
She wanted the same freedom that comes
with those four-letter words,
and she wanted the power
to fire them at Adam as she saw fit.
After all, her mother didn't
give her that mouth—
God himself did, and He knew
how that story would unfold.

But now I’ve grown up
and read a lot of things,
I understand those freedoms.
I respect them and use them
to color my communication as necessary.
I weave them into poetry and stories,
paint them with lush inks
and let them drip down
from once naked pages.

The truth though?
There may be one four letter word
that I’m afraid to speak,
and it has no mother-given stigma at all.
Anyone can tell you, its four letters
have more power than
any curse or swear ever conjured
by the evercreative tongue of man.
I keep it hidden in the thick of my throat;
locked away
until the L
the O
the V
the E
sheds its skin
and transforms into something
that I won’t refuse to acknowledge—
until I find my freedom
to scream it without a care
for its never-ending consequences.

Yeah, Momma should’ve of warned me
about that one.

****.

Once upon a time
There was a Girl and a Wolf
One in hunger
The other on the brink of fear
The girl shivers and cries
Collapsing as her legs go numb
She wipes away her tears
And she clears her eyes
To see glowing eyes at the forest fringe
A place she was told never to venture
For a she-wolf roamed that wood
One with no pack
One that her grandfather told stories of
One whose hunger could never be satiated
She has heard the horrible tales
Ones that caused a tradition
To spring in fear of it
It was said the beast could never die
There was a chilling curse
Set on that tangled wood
That caused this she beast to be immortal
But the little one had to go
A child's curiosity is never quelled
So she edged ever so close
Leaving a trail in snow
Battered velvet dress
Starting to tear
Fingertips moving at a crawl
The eyes at the edge have lost the sparkle
She can see the beasts battered fangs
No growl, no howl, no sound at all
The white wolf did not pounce
Not like one should
The child had prepared
Steeled her fragile heart
Waiting for fangs to puncture
Moving her small hand ever so slow
She reached under her frozen dress
Revealing her father's ****
Laying it the edge of the wood
To feed the she-wolf
The wolf's eyes never blinked
Frozen as the weather itself
So they sat gazing at one another
The girl gazed and gazed
Inside this creatures black eyes
She found the reason
Why the wolf patrolled the edge of the wood
Like a fleeting shadow
Inside that wolf was not a beast
But a woman instead
Beautiful she was
That brought tears to men's eyes
This princess of sorts
Was the Lord's daughter
Who also sought what the forest covered
But her curiosity became her everlasting doom
She patrols this wood
To protect ones outside the fringe
    From the curse that transformed her

Sometimes i wish i could forget you. but i know, that's not what i want. I think really deep down, i wish for bliss, i wish for ignorance. A child like mind, closed up and tied, containing only good thoughts of you. I wish to be blind to the world surrounding.