My jaw aches after I cry.

I thought it was a genetic thing.
But my mom made me realize I’m actually clenching it.

It’s weird how you hurt yourself without even noticing.

I’m trying to express how I feel like I did as a child,
Through crayons and pencils
Pressed into paper until they break in two.
How can I feel so hopeless
Doing something I used to love to do?
Like I did as a child
I make myself small and cry in my closet
That painful sobbing that hurts your throat
And convince myself yet again to give up.

I try not to cry but sometimes my vision is clouded with tears as they start chasing each other down my face.
They fall to my chest playing in a pool of emotions.
I cant contain them anymore.

I think you'll be gone in a matter of time
Not entirely disappearing, part of you will still remain
You'll travel to another country and meet new people
To soon forget about who I am
And I keep telling you 'I love you'
Maybe you can find your destination in my words
I don't think you will
But I keep hoping that one day you'll say 'I love you' before I do
Before I make you to
You are the first male I really trust
The first one I truly love
And my heart will break when you go away
It will shatter and collapse and create a tiny pile of broken pieces
That'll be me for the next few years
I will not tell you this
I refuse to tell you this
Because I, I love you

As the midnight snows
my desire to be
another's grows
to be as beautiful
as a rose
seems to be my new pose
I'll sit here waiting
for my love, at last, to show
that true love is not just something that I suppose

I ponder on the fictional love
that splatters on the television
as my tears spill because I will never
experience that love
I am not in a movie

To dance the night away
is my new favorite thing
the flashing lights, the whisky in my breath  
and the man attempting to dance
all excite me
I escape into the night
and I forget the truth
I never want to leave
You will find me at the club, now every single week