Don't look in the rear view.
It's there, in front of the windshield,
That looks to the immediate future.
I sit between the two,
With the past in the mirror,
And the simultaneous future
Over my hood,
And my wheels spin,
I'm moving.
Trees and people jostle
From front to back, continuously.
Road signs are a blur
As the air pushes the world aside
Like lace curtains,
Like love,
Enduring through unintended consequences.
A simple gesture,
A mustard seed,
Growing.
Like crystals, connecting,
Dissipating into one.

And in the midst of
clinging to both
Undecided of
which hand to hold
You have ended up
losing them both

I'm a demolitions expert of renown
Star of the show, the talk of the town
A destroyer of worlds they say
Or at the very least a destroyer of one

Voices rang inside my head
When things were good in my life
The urge to sabotage, the want to destroy
The desire to go off-course, the desire to stop

It has been there for as long as I can remember
Guiding me to the dark path
More often winning than being ignored
It was something I blamed for the way things are

But that was just me, my subconscious, my insecurity
Molding my decisions to be as suboptimal as possible
I need to accept, and got to learn accountability
Face the consequences, and fix the broken crucible

I want to destroy no more, for destruction is already here
Already suffering for the mess I have made
What I thought I deserved, I definitely do not
Now I have to make do with what little I have left

Let it stand as a lesson, let it stay as a warning
Beware when you light the fuse and watch the sparks
They may shine beautifully, but they are searing to the eyes
And if you do continue, give the big boom my regards

We are all the sum
Of choices made,
Whether right or whether wrong,
Made in good faith
Or in bad,
And the Good Lord knows
I have made many good but
Also many bad,
Worse than that I have acted
Upon the worst of these,
As much as on the best,
But here is the question
That I wonder,
When it came from push
To shove,
I chose
You,
Did I do right to love you?
Or is this love just another
Poor and painful
Choice?
Only you can truly answer,
But to see that I have invested My all in your net nothing
Would break my heart

All the ways my heart broke,
in the time that I was yours.
With every fracture of my soul,
my memory obscures.
As I sit beside you now,
in this empty room.
I realize that I am done.
But do you feel it too?
It is a heavy feeling,
deep inside my chest,
sinking down to fill the void,
and giving me no rest.
You say that you won't lose me,
but I fear that it's to late.
Cuz it was only after I walked away,
that you begged for me to stay.
I am done with cheaters,
So just stop acting like you're hurt
Its getting to be ridiculous
Remember you left me first.
You made that choice to walk away,
you chose her not me.
So now you can live with what you've done,
You got your wish,
                                     you're free.

~
Dressed for purgatory
But early to the party
So many bodies in the house next door
A living dance upon dead minds

A grocery store sunset
Thru the windshield of an SUV
Gets you distorted colors in
Gasoline rainbows
From those precise lines
Of the turning lane
Love ends at a traffic light

We do this to ourselves
All in the pursuit of happiness

Church of questionable things
Descending like vultures
Where idols once stood
For individual suffering

A pageantry of jackals
Quiet like sirens
Picking at parts of bad contestants
Playing a game called 'poisoned trees'
Fallen soldiers in strange negotiations
With meantime brides
Riding on the train of irresponsibility
For no apparent reason

We do this to ourselves
All in the pursuit of happiness
~