In the early hours
Sat here deciding
That I'm no longer gonna drink.
I don't feel hungover
I don't feel sick
But the low is really not worth it
And it's bad
It'*****
Very much like I coulda been
last night if things had taken
a different turn
Albeit an unjustified
and unnecessary one.
Undoubtedly why I'm feeling so glum
Caused by "girls"
who can't handle their drink
that would knock
you the **** out if you
looked at them wrong.
Yeah those ones
Putting me on the defence,
Making ****** comments.
Callin me a ponse
Cause they think my friend
Keeps throwing money behind the bar
While we all stand back and let her
But they're wrong.
I don't think that I've ever been
questioned on my generosity
Mainly cause no one
in that regard
has a leg to stand on.
And the fact that my sister
felt the need
to take me to one side and tell me
what they had to say
in the bathroom baffles me.
I try not to read into it
too much cause she's tipsy,
but you're making a point about something and I wonder what is the need?
I haven't felt this uncomfortable
and angry since I was a teen
When I had to deal with
your dumb friends then
and their jealousy.
So quit it,
I'm too old for this ****.
I wonder if it had kicked off,
Would you have backed me?
The fact that I'm not so sure
Has me questioning loyalties.
Cause it got my back up.
It killed my vibe dead.
In fact at that point I would have left
But the only reason I'm here in the first place is for my friend
Yeah you've thrown this
surprise birthday for her,
that you clearly want recognition for,
And it's nice
But you've known her for five minutes
I've known her for life
So relax before you twist in the knife
You know nothing
Got me thinking
when did peoples opinions
that don't matter
start mattering to me again?
Why did I feel like I
somehow had to make amends?
Are these really people I wanna call friends?
And would this scenario have played out any different minus the drink?
Did that one bad vibe skew my perception of that night onwards
Cause I swear these girls were slyly tryin
to hot me up as only females do
That bitchiness wrapped up in banter
but my gut knew
When that lil voice in my head took an inhale of breath and went "ooo"
Backed up by the realest one, the one I like, tellin em to back off
Girls thinkin they're fine cause they got back off, but girls need to back off
cause their attitude stinks,
grown *** women should know better
but oh no they didn't!
Shotting looks at you when you walk off to go talk and dance with the guys.
And they wonder why?
Reminds me why I prefer male company
at times
Cause sometimes they're no better.
When did all this insecurity
creep back up on me?
I think I really need to reevaluate the company I keep.
You know what gets me,
less than a year ago this wouldn't have even bothered me.
It's funny cause less than a year ago,
I didn't drink or party,
it just didn't appeal to me.
I contemplate the reason why I started cause this is far from being carefree.
When you're starting to relate to those who will stand on the edge
of Waterloo Bridge
to test the waters
you're far from happy.
So I stop and think...
**And I know It's definitely time
to stop the drink.
Insecurity and alcohol is just a bad combination all round.
Depression and alcohol is a no go
I'm not good with hate, especially unjustified hate which to be fair most of it is.
