Like a child who drew
Rain and Clouds
On a dusty window
On a clear and sunny day.

You were aiming for the moon,
lifting your head as high as your neck would let you

But as you were walking,
you forgot to look down

...
so you slipped and fell

Blue :
     surrounded by black
     for the emptiness
     a night sky

Red :
     for nothing I have
     that I could have had
     today

Green :
     was followed by a rain
     the pain - while subtle
     was the cause for insane

Purple :
     a royalty proven
     the queen called
     a falsity - the King folded

Clear :
     the sky after a rain
     the heart after the last tear
     the crystal everywhere

I'm all out of emotions
There's nothing left
Onside of me
I'm completely
Over you

I'm empty and clear as water
I've no desire for you
Leave me alone
To be with my insanity

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't know if I'm ready
To go yet

Don't know how to keep you
here
around me

Can't we just talk about nothing?

Silently
Speaking

Silently
Screaming

Life without a meaning
But with a meaning
Meaning nothing

Can we just talk about nothing?
Don't go yet
What does it mean
to say nothing
I don't know yet

But the feeling in my head
Makes me wish I wasn't dead
But I wanna be dead
But I don't
Wanna be dead yet

I wanna talk about nothing.
I wanna feel nothing.
I don't want nothing.
Nothing wants me.

I can't ask for nothing,
What does it mean?
It can't mean nothing.
It has to be something.
Anything is everything.
Why does everything
feel like nothing
to me.

Your words are crystal clear
But my loving dear,
This love we share, I seem to fear.

Your words sound so sweet
But the truth is my love,
You were never truly mine.

Our love is like a trapped bird
Dying in its cage.
Longing for that one last taste of freedom.

And now,
Just like every other love story
I must let you go.
Because when we love something too much,
We must set it free.

I wish I could say you are a piece of me.
I wish I was a piece of you.
I don't know if I ever was.
Did I make it up?
Was I wrong?
The distorted thoughts consume me but contain the most vulnerable memories I have.

I was never a piece of you.

This is where I was wrong.
I let myself believe in a person that I knew didn't want me.
I knew you didn't want me.
It was clear.
The distortions that I believed became me.
They became my "love" for you.

I did not love you.

I can truly say you were a piece of me at one point in time.
When I barely knew you.
When I didn't know the true monster you are.
The manipulative soul that I let take mine.
The manipulative soul that I let manipulate me.
I let you consume me.
Every part of me.
Destroyed.

When you were a part of me I couldn't get enough.
It was nothing like the nights I lay crying in your bed.
The nights I lay crying in my bed.
The days I lay crying in my bed.
The entire days that I cried.

Too many wasted tears.
I had hoped you wouldn't waste them.
I hoped they would fix you.
I hoped they would make you want to fix youself, for me.

I was wrong.

You haven't been a part of me since I relied on you.
It's hard for me even to remember when I could do that.
It's hard to recall the times you were actually there.
You actually did care.
But you were not invested.
You never let me become a part of you.

And I will not be consumed in these distortions any longer.