In the clear crisp azure light
Of a windswept morning,
Adorning the air with an Autumn
As sharp as a clean conscience,
Winter was introduced.

We welcomed her as always,
Opened our arms and said:
“Glad you could come,
Where have you been so long?
We have been waiting. “

And she wisely answered:
“I have been to the ends
Of the earth and back,
And I have left fires burning
In my wake to warn you

Of my coming, and I see
You have gathered the wood
And closed up the windows.
Listen…the wolf is close
And the icy winds are nigh.”

“I have come to stay
For a little while only,
For I am the lullaby
To the slumbering earth
As it sleeps in oblivion.

As I leave within due time,
With twinkling eye of mine
And fingertips of frost,
Will touch the snowy drifts
And turn it back to dew.

I will brush my icy breath,
Of  mist and bleak-lit sun,
Across the sleepy moor
In strokes of gold ‘n green
And Summer’s dazzling hue “

And Winter will depart within
A fortnight into Spring.

Do you believe in the new year, new me?
Do you want to change what you believe?
Is changing your personality worth it?
To only soon realize it isn't you and give in?
What about the people in your life?
The one's facing much more strife?
Are you going to leave them behind to?
Simply to change the old you?
What was so wrong with you anyway?
You lived a life simply, day by day.
What was wrong with that?
Was it because you were a brat?
Then just change a small thing.
Wait for what this year brings.
You don't need to change all of yourself,
It most likely wouldn't help.

I have this idea in my mind about you and I dream about it every night AND I KNOW IT’S REAL BECAUSE HIS GHOSTS HAUNT ME IN MY DREAMS AND TELL ME THAT YOU NEED ME BUT JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED SOMEONE DOESN’T MEAN YOU LOVE THEM and I’ve seen more of your soul in my dreams then I ever will in reality because time goes by too fast for you to open up and people pass by like the cars on the freeway but dreams last forever SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU EVER FELT THE WAY I DO AND IF YOU DID WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I ONLY DO MY BEST BUT MAYBE THAT’S NOT ENOUGH and it still makes me sick when I think about the day he died because that was the day I lost you too and I’ll never get over that even if I get over the taste of *** on your lips AND THE SOUND OF ME TELLING MYSELF YOU CARE IS LOUDER THAN YOUR HEART BEAT WHEN YOU SEE ME but it’ll never drown out my body dropping to the ground in the parking lot of the church on the day of his funeral

I want to turn my self-hatred into something physical,
I want to keep feeling like death because
I'm so used to these feelings of guilt and regret-
in an ever-changing world, it's my constant.
You say you despise change-
then how on earth will you be able to stay by my side
as my eyes change with the seasons?
This nicotine tastes like (self) destruction
and I can't get enough of it,
because without it I could put the devil to shame
with the way my mind bends
and seems to snap away from reality,
leaving me shaking and seemingly broken.
The razor caressing my skin
takes my blood and breath but it gives me life.
This old journal I found reads about how
the voices in my head were trying to **** me,
the epitome of my anxiety
tears drip down my face,
I'm getting more light-headed with every passing moment
and I can't help but smile
despite the fact that I'd given up on life
a while back.
Up, down, my moods change with the hour
and these thoughts devoured my sanity
a long time ago.
You say you despise change-
how on earth will you be able to stay by my side
as I change with the seasons?

If you are looking for forgiveness baby you will need to move that *** you wouldn't shut up about a few years back
If you want an out lover I'm not giving you one, stare at your screen and scream
Don't push my head under drowning love only to realize you don't like the way water feels on your hands
Cuz I'm past empty apologies, you lead me to sweet acid and I'm not ready to show your burns but I'm not putting on a painted mask

I am always nostalgic for summer
when the leaves start turning,
and the chill of the air
leaves my breath hanging
in the air
like I
was never
there
at all.

1 Screaming at all hours, sleep is my enemy. My greatest fear is loud sounds and bright lights.
2 Daddy is a tall giant and the smartest man in the whole wide world, mommy is the best mommy ever. Also, touching the fire on birthday candles is not allowed. Or singing at the table. Or watching scary commercials because mommy is tired of me waking her up at 3AM with my nightmares about the big hungry man in the commercial. My greatest fear is being alone in the dark.
3 I’m still too young to know real hurting, I’m unscarred and the greatest tragedy I’ve experienced is a skinned knee and having my favorite stuffed animal taken from me overnight for bad behaviour. My greatest fear is the day I get married and have to live away from my parents.
4 I’m too short to see myself in the bathroom mirror, the counter is in the way. My greatest fear is the monsters under my bed.
5 I have a birthday party and invite every person I know because I’m friends with everyone. My greatest fear is being in trouble with my teacher for talking in class.
6 I’m a big girl now, I can help mommy with dinner…by tasting her ingredients. I don’t understand why those people on the show daddy watches called The News **** each other. Why does anybody hate anyone? Why are grownups crying? Big girls don’t cry. My greatest fear is quicksand, but fortunately I have multiple plans on how to escape quicksand.  
7 Daddy is teaching me how to ride a bike without training wheels and it is scary and I’ve fallen off alot. He told me he wouldn’t let go! I can’t believe he lied to me! I cry and cry but look! Look, I’m doing it mommy! Look! CRASH. I’m starting to read big girl books more easily now. No pictures and only words isn’t as bad as I used to think. One day, I want to be a writer. My greatest fear is falling off my bike.
8 Boys are yucky, and not every girl is my friend anymore. It’s strange, the girls I used to play with have their own friends now. I’m not one of them anymore. A girl told me I was ugly and I felt this odd feeling in my chest like I was falling. Why did it hurt? The only things that are supposed to be able to hurt you are things you can see like knives (which I’m not allowed to use) or falling down, I thought. A girl tells me I am dumb. What a bad word to say, I’m NEVER allowed to say it. It is a mean and a bad word. When I grow up, I’ll never swear. I thought the bad guys were the only mean people in the world? I thought they wore black capes and lived in scary glowing castles like in the movies. The pretty girls in my class who look like princesses are saying things to each other and me that sound like the bad guy’s line in a movie? Why is this happening? I wish on the star every night like princesses do for the girls to stop hurting each other with their words. My greatest fear is that my wish won’t come true.
9 Did you know that fairy tales aren’t real? Did you know that it matters how your hair looks and where you buy your clothes and how many friends you have? Did you know other people care about what you have for lunch? Apparently, those things are true. I don’t like everyone anymore and not everyone likes me. People say some things to me that hurt my feelings and I make someone else cry because I said something just as mean back because I was angry. I didn’t mean to hurt them even though they hurt me. I do things I regret. Am I a bad guy now too? My greatest fear is of becoming a bad guy.
10 I am not a little girl anymore. Girls are turning on girls. Boys are liking girls. Not me of course, but other girls. Suddenly, everyone thinks they are a teenager. Someone calls me fat. Someone says I’m ugly. Someone says I’m dumb. Someone says I’m weird. I like a boy, but he could never like me. Less and less friends, life is growing uglier and far, far colder. Quicksand did not turn out to be as big a problem as I imagined when I was little. Suddenly, I grow up far faster than I should, because if I don’t, I’ll spend way too much time crying. The boys are playing a game at lunchtime, who would you marry if you had to marry someone in the class. One of the boys says he’d: “pick someone stupid like: My name.” Why did my name finish his sentence? “Then I’d shoot her in her sleep after we were married.” He finds out I heard what he said. He tries to talk to me, to apologize but I don’t want to speak to him. I refuse to cry over this. I’m not a baby. But it secretly hurts a lot. I never speak to him ever again. Not a word the whole year, or the next or ever. My greatest fear is being unwanted. And I am.
11 Boys are mean and girls are heartless and cruel. Girls hate me, I hate girls. I hate myself, I hate school, I hate hating everything. I feel worthless, why is everybody else so pretty and perfect? I haven’t been invited to anyone except my best (and only) friend’s birthday party for 3 years. I get invited to a sleepover with girls who don’t like me and I don’t really like them but I don’t know them too well I just know their names and when they think I am asleep I hear them start to talk in-depth about why I am ugly. Scarred. Humilated. Scarred. Broken. Mostly scarred. Why am I so ugly and worthless and fat and stupid? My greatest fear is the monsters inside of my head.
12 New school, new friends, new life. So happy. So, so happy and free. Friends who actually care about me. Friends who heal me. Closer than friends, like sisters. Not alone anymore. My greatest fear is losing all that.
13 Everything is perfect, and beautiful and I am so happy I could cry. I laugh all day and love my life. Until May. Then it fall apart. Jealousy, lies, family problems at home, pasts collide, friends are fake and sisters forever fades into a broken promise. I hate my friend but God, I love her like a sister even though I loathe her so much. It hurts it hurts and I start to feel ugly again. I scar myself, I do terrible thing to my body and myself. I only have a few friends left, but now I know who is loyal, and who never was. My greatest fear is everything that is happening to me as my world crashes, crumbles and burns all around me.

Many years pass, but my mind, soul, and heart are unchanged. Though my age grows larger, I never grow past it all. I’m reliving it all over and over, I still hate myself. Chained to 13.

Please repost if you are trapped in the past too.
Comment! I love to read other people's interpretations and thoughts on my work!

Somewhere

Somehow

I can’t identify when
it changed.

I saw things differently,
my eyes no longer covered
by an opaque way
of thinking.

Sunshine brightened this world
with unimagined colors,
butterflies broke free,
songbirds warbled lovely tunes.

Amidst emerging beauty
words became
every day’s lifeblood;
I found my voice.

All around me,
there was change,
yet everything remained
the same.
For it was me
that changed.
Reborn, rewired.
My heart drummed
a brand new beat.

Driven by transformation,
I wrote. I write.
Adding a dash of color.
Singing harmony
to surrounding melodies.
I am changing.
I am writing.
I am a poet.

Do not try and ephixiate your mind on random cohesions.
Breathe.

Everthing is an abormal abnormality,
The thought of existance, such a chaotic verse of simplicity.

Exhale.

Open the gates of inguinity and forget what lies beneath you,
You are far better than your demons. The demons that seek to end all presence of creativity.

Let there be nothing but a powerful pound of the heart.

I am alive. I am the darkness inside the light.