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Mariah 1d
I am impulsive
I am strange
Lying in the bed I made

I am anxious
I am loud
I won't make my parents proud

I am restless
I am tired
I'm not one to be admired

I am obnoxious
I am trite
The devil keeps me warm at night

I am indecisive
I am sure
Enjoying what I haven't earned

I am curious
I am afraid
Cleaning up a mess I made

I am grateful
If I am at all
I have no regrets that aren't absolved
Your guess is as good as mine.
Led by only moonlight.
I wander till im lost.

I find myself in a forest
untouched by all but frost.

Its quieter than death itself
I'm afraid to even breathe.
I can feel the eyes upon my back.

I try, but fail to scream.

So lost now, what do I do?
I dont know my left from right.

The darkness seems to compress
I search for a source of light.

I look for any kindness within, the demons surrounding me.
******, vile, hate and rage are all that I can see, so I sit down and hug my knees.


As I pray " please someone find me"
Mariah Jun 20
Guilt, guilt, guilt
As far as I can see

Weight, weight, wait!
Its crashing down on me

Shame upon my name
Rehabilitate with blame

Change, change, strange
Things still stay the same
I don't know if this makes sense but I feel it anyway.
Mariah Jun 19
Thank the God I don't believe in
Thank the ones I do
Thank the mistakes I've made
And how they beat me blue
guilty guilty guilty
Mariah Jun 19
I cannot forget
While you deserve the whole world
I deserve the dirt
How can I apologize when you won't let me?
Damocles Jun 19
I promise I’m not trying to tear you from your energy
Shadows dancing in you like your enemies
A matinee of all your memories
Ping pong nerves trying to tear you out of me
Still beating despite the scars etched in effigy.

I still see you when the lights get low,
Glad you haunt me even I can do this on my own
Got a few demons on my shoulder keeping company.
I’d give you my soul but it’s out on loan
Signed documents to give me closure
If only for exposure
Penning my words a one way discourse
Discussed in my disgust, but who am I to bemoan?

I’m just traveling on distant shores,
Sinking to the bottom,
Losing myself in lore
Pretense in my pretend
My fiction is makeup over the real
A bruise concealed
But the truth revealed is my pain is raw like a bad tooth
Exposed like a nerve root
Play violin chords in my heart strings
And watch as I dissipate.

Do you still see me when the light gets low?
Do you know I haunt you when you’re on your own?
Glad to keep you company
Spare me a moment for your sympathy
As we mourn in morning light
And give me the night, the night, the night .
Sometimes you wear masks to hide the real pain and sometimes you feel like a ghost because you’re so lost in the fiction of pretending to be ok.
Damocles Jun 17
Illumination,
Not only lighting my way
Opening the pathos for my ethos
My memory is on full display.

Feel the course of knowledge
Coarsely exfoliating my pretense,
Cognizant of the folly—
Of never seeing through to the end of the show.

Illumination,
Not only chases the shadows,
But shows off my deep scars,
Rooted systems of traumatic plants
In a garden, I hide behind secrets.

Sacred thoughts,
Priceless feelings,
Caught in vine-riddled ramparts
I can’t be bothered to open a draw bridge
Can’t trust that the enemy isn’t calling from inside,
Chasing me like a phantom,
All my pain in tandem, nerve death like a bad tooth.

Illumination,
Not only a granter of knowledge,
But a memento mori of a past life,
Reminded of innocence at it’s last rites
Buried so far beneath the core of the world,
I’d explode like a neutron star over and over
To relive a single moment over.

Illumination,
Illuminate all that is dark in me,
Warm me with your cruel heat,
And make a better man of me.
in my feels today, but that's okay!
Damocles Jun 16
It’s getting louder in the silence
And even harder to breathe,
My heart wretches with a hunger
And I’m desperate to feed.

It should have been so easy,
Growing life from a seed,
Watching you grow where I could never follow
Has taken its toll.

Scars are etched upon my soul,
Lesions pressed against the brain,
I don’t even dream any more,
The day they took you from me
Was the day everything changed.

It feels like I’m lost at sea,
Floating on wishful hope
And tree bark memory,
As the pine sticks through my flesh
Back riddled with all their blades
I’m bled out to feel these sharks
Of my doubts encircle me.

What could have been,
Had I known then,
How to be a better man,
Instead I—
Feel the weight of burden
Anchor me to this boulder
Where carrion comes to pick me clean.

It’s getting louder in the silence
Desperation in the form of a plead
Seethed through every exhale
When it’s the loss of you I breathe.

Lost like a poltergeist in purgatory
Shuffling in this flesh husk like a zombie,
Loveless, I can’t , feel you
Loveless, I can’t , feel anything at all.

It should have been me,
And I want you to know,
If I could trade places,
I’d rot in the earth,
Faded like paper pulp after the rain,
Scatter my ashes into the sea,
And watch as the sharks of my doubts
Encircle me.
If you know me well, this piece is actually pretty straight forward. If you don’t…then it’s completely up to interpretation and I hope the meaning you assign it helps you in some way.
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