My life is surrounded
by people armed by me,
loaded guns aimed at my heart.

Every time they leave,
I'm shot.
I bleed out for awhile
depending on who it is
Some guns are smaller
some are bigger  
but I always get repaired

You however didn't have a gun
I placed a whole nuke in your hands
It was never supposed to go off
Wasn't meant to end like this
And when you set it off
I wasn't prepared for the blast

I didn't get to bleed
Most of me is scorched and black
Shrapnel buried deep inside
the pieces that stayed in tact

Other Pieces flew places
Some of them, you must've grabbed

I'll never heal
from this wound
and Ill never get those pieces back

I love you,
most say these words are powerful.
Love is such a strong word,
to just be saying it.
I mean it,
I do not care if you look at me different.
I have BPD,
and sometimes my loyalty disgusts me.
When I feel betrayed,
I still would not try to unlove you.
I may push you off the pedestal,
but you are still good,
I cherish you.
If you need me,
I don't hesitate,
I love you!
I learned the way I love,
is the same love I be missing.
They say my love can be toxic,
I can become possessive.
I have worked ******* managing my love,
I love near and far.
Love is all I am made of,
Love is all I want to give you.

The knife glints under the dim bulb,
its silver tongue whispering
how easy it would be
to open what aches inside me.

I brace my hand,
press down slowly,
feel the skin split,
hear the soft tear,
watch red bloom
across the board
in trembling pools.

I cut again, and again,
shards falling like thoughts
I can’t keep straight,
my breath coming faster,
the smell rising sharp,
green and raw,
like the earth itself.

I tell myself
this isn’t what it looks like,
though it feels like release.
All this mess,
all this red,
all this trembling,
only
vegetables.

remember when you use to video call me,
we would be chatting for hours.
that's when you use to talk to me.
i could barely get a text back now,
but it's all my fault, there's my accountability.
i really took things for granted.
that phrase i always say pops up,
if you are not meant to be my lover,
i hope that you can still be my best friend.
i want to blame it on one thing but i could only blame myself.
i hope you see my actions i am really trying to break these bad habits.