I am a monster created by the thoughts in my own head.
I will make you feel like you are the most important person in the world,
Then in the same breath I will make you feel like you are worthless.
I will tell you all of the things that make you beautiful and then point out all of your flaws.
I will take up all of your attention,
and then I will threaten to **** myself if you decide to leave.
I will love and cherish you,
I will hate and despise your existence.
I will do something wrong and pretend I am the victim when you confront me about it.
I will take everything you have,
And I will leave you when your world crumbles.

summer quietly creaks open the back door
slips from beneath your skin records shattering
as you stare down from the attic, questioning
everything. it's gone before you can remember
what warmth even is
sadness warps
an old yellow novel you used to love
holding it close as it twists and moans
rip the best chapter out because
it belongs to you

Every day I wake up feeling like a different person.
I have different thoughts.
Different feelings.
Different goals.
Some days I am unsure of who I am.
Some days I feel like I am exactly where I need to be.
Some days my body aches and a simple task like brushing my teeth exhausts me.
Some days I feel like I can do a million things at once and I can't sit still.
My mind is always moving.
I constantly need a change.
Being capable of doing the same thing for a long period of time has never been normal for me.
Always changing.
Always moving.
I've tried so hard to settle down.
To stay in one place.
To be normal.
What is normal, anyway?
Maybe I'm not meant to stay in one place.
Isn't that what life is supposed to be about?
Seeing new things.
Meeting new people.
Making memories.
So maybe I don't always know who I am.
But if I did know, I don't think life would be as fun.

Bored on the internet, so see what I find.
I'm taken back to that moment in the past
When I met the droop-eyed star and starlet.
Look what Twitter has. Their pale face framed
and recreated, pixel perfect, inundated.
Talking in circles.
Talking highly of
Your self --
Like you're above the tower seat of power,
In the clouds. You're a mental case. How
you gonna love yourself so much?

Have you seen my heart?
I might have lost it
Have you heard my heart?
I might have misplaced it
Have you felt my heart?
I might have left it behind
Have you tasted my heart?
I think you might have eaten it

Hell, I'm the result of a decade or more of some coddle culture
******* left over from safety scissors bound up in bubble wrap
Much to do about feuding parties of mopped up has beens

Gutted and mutilated by the dullest claws, vomiting out soliloquy to someone waiting off screen

Feeding on attention when I've got none left to spend
Endemic of the stations fashioned on the broken bones of little kids
Who do you think you're kidding
Fitting each misfit with a fistful of
Faux Information
And letting them sort it out with perfect indigantion
Each stroke of a pen left blood on the page
And you wage war warning all of the names written
The only fitting way for you to die
Is in the cause you've helped create

Facing facts

Fabrication is largely left to the mental state
Of intoxicated fake plastic yet venomous snakes
Imagination only limited by wavelength
Of who's thoughts can last longest
Who can outlast

What class is the farthest when ranks are displayed
With golden tradition on vest made of clay
Surrounded by privation
Formal ware decays

When dinner jackets are
Met with machine guns

If its won by numbers, the race will all starve and
If science is ******, vanquished gods walk the streets
The enemy is what we've seen in the dreams
Not what befalls us in countless nightmares

Daring

My scrap meat is metal to build my machine
Body of parts I was so denied
Lithe and disjointed
Foraging necessities
Festering sensitivities lead to machinated loss of life

Let it sink

This ship is filling with the inked material lies
You claimed I could safely sail upon
Bailing out every word I despise
Something tells me, I'll find nothing to drown in

Nine o'clock

Weaponry only to serve me in time
Once in the presence of what I will claim is mine
Deep inside, rooted in every peer
Fear is the malady keeping them occupied

Each click represents a reclamation
Every time

I can change my mood at the drop of a hat
One extreme to another; I'm the epitome of that

Selfishly I'll draw u in because I need ur touch
I'll push u away just as fast coz I care too much

Emotionally I'm wounded and don't know how to heal
I think things I shouldn't think and feel things I shouldn't feel

I take solace in silence rather than speak
I don't want to be vunerable I hate that I'm weak

I analyze our conversations, I break down every word
You could be singing praises but it wasn't what I heard

I always tend to listen to the voice I shouldnt hear
The haunting words of rejection, abandonment and fear

My triggers change daily, im so hard to predict
Happy one minute, the next moment; conflict

Pain,rejection, exhile and shame
I know I'm at fault but its you that I blame

I blame you for not knowing exactly what to say
I judge you for not doing the things I want done in a very particular way

Logically I get it, I understand the way I act
I don't how to fix myself, it's just a skill I lack

With all of my quirks and personality flaws
I feel it's for the best that I'm behind closed doors

Safer on my own so there's no pain's involved
Alone isn't ideal, but how else will my issues be solved

I can be me when I'm away from the crowd
I can just be myself cause I say I'm allowed

Where's this happy person that other people see?
It's time for me to let him out, time to be set free

I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Whether it's alcohol to numb the pain,
Or lead to end it all,
I don't know anymore,
Maybe I should take some Adderall
Cause the voices in my head got me contemplating suicide,
One voice telling me to overdose on triple c
Another one telling me to just drink Hennessy
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain,
Ever since you left me I've been different,
Got me ******* pessimistic,
Cause you left me with nothing to hope for
You didn't just close the door,
You slammed it in my face
Got me wishing I could erase
the memories
Wish I never ******* met you.
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain
Now isn't it just silly that your playing this game?
We used to be perfect
Now I'm about to be ****** suspect
Maybe we can reconnect
Before the voices take effect
I'm insane,
Wanna take ten shots to the brain.
Was I just a test subject
An object to neglect?
A reflect from your ex?
I'm insane,
wanna take ten shots to the brain.