it’s falling, it’s falling.. everything is falling all of a sudden.

but why is it falling?

because i am alone. because i am not being currently distracted from anything.

ahh, there you go again misplacing your emptiness for loneliness. why do you do that?

well-

because you can’t stand to be around yourself for longer than five seconds in a clear head.

i mean-

i did not miss your rude interruptions.. so you fill me up with anything you can find in the moment; smoke, drugs, men, food that i’m not hungry for, or perhaps i’m in dire need of and you neglect me.
now, it seeeems like you’re trying to get rid of me.

no offense but you cause all of the pain i feel. like is it really my fault when you decide to start aching deeeep inside that i eliminate it through punishment? you hurt people and you get hurt back, besides you wear the shades of blue and purple rather well.

hold up, you think i am the one causing that ache? i’ve lain dormant for years, constantly kicked in the face each time i try to get up. you suffocate me, you deprive me, you do not honor me as you should. you lay me down time and time again to feed your sick habits. it would be like YOU to throw your nastiness on someone else, though. reminds me of someone in particular we know-

don’t. you. dare.

go look at me and tell me i’m wrong?
you can’t.

And now i'm sitting there
feeling nothing
feeling like every breath is a fight
my heart is beating
beating fast
it screams, let me die
please please let me die
i don't wanna wake up again
never

my chest tickles
energy is an odd feeling after many months of emptiness
i sang to the birds today because i woke up and did the dishes
no i didn’t put a bra on but the dishes didn’t mind
my mother tells me i am a good girl, and i am
i smile without her knowing that is the greatest moment of my week

"Im not getting bad again, I promise"
I repeat to myself any time I feel down
as if having a bad day isn't allowed when depression hangs its cloak over you like a coat rack
Im not bad im just a little sad....
but then they ask are you sure,
so the two sides of my brain start to brave the battle of paranoia
and instead of concluding with joy
im constantly lost in the limbo
trying to find a ploy out of this crypto

Hi! or do I mean die?
2 teens sitting in an ally
Ones high on life and the other is high of the pills she found in her mothers medicine cabinet.
Both walking the slender tightrope called love,
knowing at any moment,
one wrong movement could send you spiralling out of eternity.
The only difference between the two, is one has confidence that the other long desired for.

Hi! or do I mean eye, as in an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
As if lying to the two faced backstabbing ***** called your brain makes the colours in the sky appear brighter.
Taking scissors to the depressing tightrope in hope it will make you happier, I mean I forgot to say thank you, so this is the only way to forgive myself. Braving the plunge for the sole purpose to escape....NO!

But now High.
Yes thats me high, I will fly so high ill soon forget the mistakes of my past. Soon looking down on them thinking they are so small, because hi and high are two different things, and although I am both those teens sitting in an ally where everyday is my darkest day....those eerie thoughts will burn to a blaze.

When your running from something for long enough; you loose sight of it within the dust, just don't stop to catch your breath....