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Opal Jan 2018
I melt into the gap between your two front teeth
When I feel you staring at me
Not caring if I catch you
Locking eyes but you won't look away
I don't know you, but I love you
Please don't leave
Your mouth tastes like my new home
Opal Dec 2017
More than scars
They're names and faces
People in places
That won't seem to leave
Physically absent
Forever in me
I feel your fingertips
Memorizing my body
In the palms of my hand
Making me sweat
On the back of my neck
My hair stands up
Whispering in my ear
But ignoring my calls
Answering my thoughts
But not responding to my pleas
I'm all alone but you still won't leave
I drag sharp things
Across my body
Attempting to set you free
Blood rushes out
Suddenly I can breath
Cleansing my body
A bath for my heart
You always come back
Just to leave me in the dark
Every time there's a new guy in my life he becomes the voice inside my head and stays there long after he stops talking to me.
Opal Dec 2017
I'm tired of these ****** socks
I still don't have clean clothes
How many deep cuts will it take
Til love inside me grows
I can't keep track of anything
Not even my own head
She thinks about me often
Mostly wishing I were dead
I fight her
She fights back
Maybe we really are the same
I thought I'd be the winner
I'm sick of losing my own game
Perhaps I'm her and she is me
I'm really in control
Using my power to devise a plan
For my body to **** my soul
I'm not sure which thoughts scarier
Or if I'm even scared
Death came knocking timidly
If only she had dared
Recently was diagnosed with BPD. Things are coming together but also falling apart. I'm trying to make sense of my emotions but they change so quickly. I'm not sure who or what I am or what I should be.
Opal Sep 2017
When I say
"I'm okay"
I'm testing out how the words sound coming out of my mouth
Hoping they will stick to my tongue
Forcing me to swallow
Instead they stick to your ears
And you leave me alone
Opal Sep 2017
Deep blue
Watered down by an urge to keep painting
Another brush on the same canvas
I bathe to wash away the blue, but I can't afford this water anymore
Conservation has never been my concern
Never stopping to think of what color I'll be when the water stops flowing
Don't talk about the last drop
Stay here with me until it fades my deep blue white
I can't remember gold
I'm feel like I am drying up all of my resources while trying to quiet my anxious depressive thoughts. I'm running out of money, people are losing their patience with me, and I am dragging others into my impulsive behavior.
Opal Sep 2017
I often think how phony everyone is
To clap they're hands to the beat of a song at a concert
To dance at a club with their friends when that one song comes on about having a fat ***
To laugh at a strangers joke, but the stranger wasn't talking to them, and the joke wasn't meant for them
Yet they take it anyways
And let the stranger hear their reaction
To say something nice to their mom when she deserves to hear kind words and it would feel good to give them
How do they not feel paralyzed like I do?
Don't they hear a voice
Saying they'll do it wrong
Or they'll be punished
For some reason
By someone?
Or something
I don't feel like I'm allowed to participate
How do you give yourself permission
To be a person?
I like that song
I wanna dance with my friends
That joke was funny
I love my mom
Yet I am still
I can't move
And if they see me move
It will be BAD
That's all I know for sure
You don't hear that?
You must be kinda dumb.
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