In a little hole in soft dirt she planted a tree holding his hand she said it's for you and me

Like their love for each other the tree quickly grew
He and she with the tree no longer made two

Kisses and hugs were their thing to share
as the time passed the tree was no longer bare

The branches stretched out all the way to the sky
but the apples couldn't be reached and started to die

Instead of a lot they ate them a little
without care and nurture the tree became brittle

The apples shrunk and started to wither
But not so for the love that he had to give her

She came across another fruit that changed her taste

Delicious no more the apples went to waste

When the fruit goes out of season it will not taste as sweet
She will then remember how tasty those apples were to eat

He knows she knows he loved her to his very core
Why can't things be like the way they were before.

It turned out that the soft dirt could not support the tree
A stable foundation may have been different for he and she

The taste of Juicy Red Apples we know is hard to forget

He knows the tree is still alive, in that he can bet

Will she ever return to the apples or just let it be

Will she ever want to plant another apple tree

I can change my mood at the drop of a hat
One extreme to another; I'm the epitome of that

Selfishly I'll draw u in because I need ur touch
I'll push u away just as fast coz I care too much

Emotionally I'm wounded and don't know how to heal
I think things I shouldn't think and feel things I shouldn't feel

I take solace in silence rather than speak
I don't want to be vunerable I hate that I'm weak

I analyze our conversations, I break down every word
You could be singing praises but it wasn't what I heard

I always tend to listen to the voice I shouldnt hear
The haunting words of rejection, abandonment and fear

My triggers change daily, im so hard to predict
Happy one minute, the next moment; conflict

Pain,rejection, exhile and shame
I know I'm at fault but its you that I blame

I blame you for not knowing exactly what to say
I judge you for not doing the things I want done in a very particular way

Logically I get it, I understand the way I act
I don't how to fix myself, it's just a skill I lack

With all of my quirks and personality flaws
I feel it's for the best that I'm behind closed doors

Safer on my own so there's no pain's involved
Alone isn't ideal, but how else will my issues be solved

I can be me when I'm away from the crowd
I can just be myself cause I say I'm allowed

Where's this happy person that other people see?
It's time for me to let him out, time to be set free

To evolve is to suffer that is a fact
only your emotions and thinking cause you to react
There is no good or bad, thinking makes it so once you realise this you'll know which way to go

It's a futile search when you seek happiness Freedom comes with awareness and worrying less

Leave the past behind, be present in the now
It’s ok to ask for help if you’re unsure how

Don't buy into drama and all it's demands
life is always now the future is in your hands

To all my sober friends,

If you were one of my friends during my addiction that I left behind
please forgive me I am sorry.
I wasn't in the right frame of mind

I was too focused on my chaotic life,
I wasn't available to be there for you
please don't judge me based on who I became and what I had to do

Some of you may not understand what it's like on Satan's dance floor
before the devil found me,
remember who I was before

Some of you know the combination to unlock the demon's vaults
knowing the secret to walk away instead of being in a never-ending waltz

To all my sober friends, you possess a strength that I admire
some of you found joy in life again, some of you never fell into the fire

Just don't blame yourself for my actions, I made my own choices
I knew the game, I took the risks and listened to the evil voices

I was once that sober friend who was always getting left out
I could never grasp what hold the drugs had and what they were all about

Embarrassed by the slave I'd become there was only me to blame
I knew all this but still I took his hand and walked right into the flame

It wasn't a conscious decision it was one that was vexed
It was based on who can inflate your ego and where to score next

I could ask anyone who's felt the flames to listen to what I have to say
But addicts hearts won't listen, they always need to learn the hard way

We need proof that it will ruin our lives to the darkest parts of our souls
we need to see it with our own eyes, we need to feel the holes

We broke our promises that we made and took his hand to dance
even though we wanted to rest the devil continued to prance

Dragging us through every waltz, tango and two-step
when we fall he comforts us like a friend he's always kept

All along it was us, we were the ones who needed to let go
I hope you never dance with him, i hope you never know

I pray you never understand, I pray you see me for who I use to be
when I let go of his hand I hope you'll be there waiting for me

Hold out a hand for me, be someone

that makes the  bad things run and hide
not someone that I allow to drag me, be someone who walks beside

You give me the hope that I can be strong and let go of the devil's hand
there is a better life than dancing to the devil's evil band

You're my prayer I say each night before I go to sleep
please know that you crossed my mind when I was in too deep

I didn't want to be embarrassed, if we didn't talk you wouldn't know
if i didn't see you then there would be nothing I had to show

I wouldn't let you down like I let myself down every day
thank you for being who you are, it's for you I pray

Continue being the light because one day I won't be at his command
I will see you again even if you choose not to take my hand

Even if you're not there waiting know that with your help i grew
I hold no loathing towards you, you just did what i could never do

It's not the life I wanted, it's one I wouldn't have picked
with kind regards, from yours sincerely, your friend the drug addict

No matter how hard I searched I couldn't find spring,

footsteps littered among the clouds and everywhere I trekked
coming home I laughed catching a roses scent
spring at the end of each stem, each rose perfect