I have this aching, gnawing hunger,
it just won't seem to pass.
Why can't I ever find a fix,
the fullness never lasts.

I binge on *** and purge with shame,
it's become a sick, twisted little game.

I was always taught that holding hands,
is something from a lover.
How can you kiss my head, and nose,
but say you don't care without a stutter?

Since when did staring longingly into eyes,
become a mask or some disguise?

What is the truth, tell me, does it exist anymore?
If a guy kisses me, holds me, caresses me,
then shows me the door.

Is there a realness, does it exist?
These things cause so much bliss.

But they're just a fix, to numb my hunger.
For REAL love, affection, lust, and desire.
What is real affection, is it out there?
This ******* is causing too much to bear.

I'm starving, I'm aching, please stop doing this to me.
For my heart is too big, too big for there to be no love to be.

Where can I go
When I'm feeling alone
All of my usual places
Are being destroyed
My blade,
It has been taken away
The toilet,
It's being monitored
My binges,
Well what's the point
when you have to keep it in

There's no where else to go
But I can't keep it in
I want to swallow a few pills
Just to free myself
I'm tired of life
But I can't tell anyone
Or do anything
Where can I go

I'm getting better
I'm learning how to eat again
The weights are still in my closet,
and I binged again

I promise you
I'm gonna stop
I'm not gonna die
But I think I'll go purge

I swear I'm fine
I'm telling you, I ate
Don't believe me, whatever
But I truly am gaining weight

Okay, so maybe I lied
I don't want to stop
I want to be pretty and thin
And even perfect

Bingeing on all my sorrows
I can not help but shovel in
All my thoughts and emotions  
That I didn't want to share with a friend
I try to hold it back
I try to resist
But I can't help throw up
All the words I have never wanted to shed.

Binge boar
Sink your tusks
Play dead and rot
Your pillow lungs

Wear your fur over fester
Clean your mouth with mud
Tear your remnant upon
Your blackened tongue

I binge write,
Like an addict relapsing from ******
I wake at 4:13 in a cold sweat
Because somehow words have become more important than sleep

Her head disintegrates
Like the end of a cigarette
Falling into the wrinkles
And folds
Of my skin

no one knows pain
like
the ones
who
curse their beloveds
and
bleed their heart
dry


like
the ones
who
watch blood bubble up
from wounds
self-made

the ones
who
fill themselves up
just
to empty it all
in a bathroom stall

the ones
who
refuse their meals
and
live for the scale
because
numbers
don't leave

the crying poet
the bleeding cutter
the vomiting bulimic
the starving anorexic
the lost
the empty
the lonely
the unloved

the ones
who
love too much
and
not enough

no one knows pain
like
humans know pain