if the clothes hanging in my closet
start getting bigger
i know
i'm either eating too much
or hiding under sweaters

if they all turn from black to white
i feel like I'm asking for attention
i look in the mirror
and force my smile away
"don't get ahead of yourself
you're losing direction"

i need to feel bad about myself
to get the right motivation
hide under sweaters
that shield me from affection

okay, but I don't 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 to be the bigger person.
I want to be the person who looks out for their own needs.
being the bigger person for what?
the benefit of someone I hate?
the benefit of someone I avoid in the halls?
you don't 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 for me to be the bigger person-
so I will throw my fits.

Bolts go with screwdrivers
Wrenches install nails
and life keeps going.

Sadness goes with anger
Empty thoughts will never fill
and life keeps going.

I am on to bigger
and better
people
and she will stay in
    her
      little
       world,
             forever.
       and one day it will burn.
and I won't care

Younger wanting to be older
Older wanting to be young
Child wishing to be bigger
Bigger wishing to be thinner

Teen wanting a clearer face
Clearer face wanting a better body
People lamenting bad hair days
Bad hair days replaced with no hair days. . .

We diss what we have
Wish for what we lack
When what we have is gone
Oh, what we'd give to have it back!

Youthful desires for future yearning
Future bearing down like a train
Elders' memories of past unnerving
Hit by a train never the same



Mark Toney © 2020

I wrote a note with your name mentioned
But deleted every word within a second
The feeling is long and drawn out
But it’s nothing aside the bigger picture
And much like a small city on this planet
It’s only feels larger when inside of it