now, i am so tired.
the sun’s rays have stretched and became the evening,
as today ends.

and, oh, today, i’ve done so many things.
today, when the day began, when it was night,
i fell in love and confessed. and then you answered.

today, i was hopeful. today, we are hopeful.
but as the shadows come out,
i feel tired.

i feel this longing,
to crawl into bed,
this longing to absorbed beneath the shadows.

and you’d come, if you wanted.
wherever you wanted,
that’d be fine.

today we became something,
and as this day ends,
i wonder what we’ll be tomorrow.

but against all odds,
against this world.
i think we’ll be something.

and i sleep with that knowledge,
tucked into my heart,
a note against my chest.

long time no see,
sweetheart.
i’m not sure if i’ll say that to your face.

this day, i’ve been elated and terrified,
then hopeful, and wondering, and odd,
now tired but weary but happy. sure.

how will we ever go home again?
me and you, we’re doing things they’d think us crazy for,
things i think myself crazy for.

but i have no regrets about you.
i’m glad you know,
and i’m going crazy.

loving you is like mapping stars,
tracing constellation after constellation,
never wanting to finish.

loving you is like soft whispers,
persistent, underlying my heart,
my heartbeats and breath and smile.

loving you is my hands shaking at times,
softly trembling,
touching the air with gentle taps.

loving you is like dance,
feeling the lights warm your skin -letting the glow cover you,
and being a diamond -allowing your heart to lay you out.

loving you is like the stage
because you’ve never felt an energy like this,
never let it consume you.

loving you is hope,
trust that we’ll be something great,
trust in fever dreams and laid out plans.

loving you is like sleepless nights,
because we’re moving and moving,
too busy dreaming to stop.

loving you is like a story,
sleepless nights and coffee and pacing,
thumbing through pages until you fall asleep on your keyboard.

this is what loving you is like.

I am a feminist
Feeling fenced in
in a gender binary
fenced in a ****** binary
so people dismiss my Bi
No ally can stop that without listening
Listen with your ears and if you can't hear
listen with your eyes. Know that I don't need to prove my Bi
Yemen child brides, committing homicide
building graveyards inside of themselves
Acid attacks, police and blacks
**** is asked for
Jews are gassed more
Conversion therapy
People can't see through the Trans*parency
Gender roles wrapped up into us
Making us feel trapped making us adapt
A is not for Allys
A is for Ace or Aro
Thrown with a bow I miss the target
cast into the shadow
Lesbians are loved stripped down
but not in the gown
appreciated more with their mouths shut
and no ones mind open
They chose to be blind not see with their eyes
hear with your ears
hear the gunshot or the scream from the queer kid
who is bleeding, smiles were misleading
thought they were happy
Thats because we stigmatize mental illness
I feel the stillness of progress
My anxiety is as bad as the start
I've been told that l'm not being smart
but I know my voice is a work of art
We whitewash the shadow
using bleach to whiten skin
drinking bleach when that skin isn't light to begin
I am a feminist

i’m trying to see what you meant
-when you said she was our kind of beautiful.

our skin is the same, a pimple in the same place,
and the same hair and color.

but have you seen your eyes?
in mine they looked golden.
and then green.
and then yellow, brown and back to gold again.

i know you’ve felt my hair,
and it felt softer in your hands
-you made it beautiful.

the comb, the brush
and my only regret was i didn’t do yours.

i also remember this
-you said you liked this clip,
this dress.

well the dress is still hanging,
and you can be sure i’ll wear it,
next time.

I saw my first lesbians when I was 6.
She was short with spiky hair,
She was tall with curly hair.
They held each other tenderly,
Floating blissfully in the swimming pool,
Absorbed in each other and unaware of

The shaking head of my father
And his outstretched arm
As he shielded his children from the happy couple.

When I was little, I held weddings for my Barbie dolls
And I couldn’t understand why my parents made me stop.
It wasn’t until they bought me a shiny new Ken doll
That the weddings could start again.

A few months ago
Mum discovered her friends were lesbians
And I beheld in her eyes the mixture of wonder and disgust.
Wild-eyed recounts of intrusions on quiet embraces
And the fear of the unknown heavy in every word.

How disappointed they would be now!
To know that I dream of my head between a woman’s thighs.
That I remember with fondness
The feminine lips that have pressed against mine.

I am what you fear.
The hell-bound filthy sinner
Bent on destruction and lust.
Sneaking into your society, poisoning your children.
I am the monster you hate, the wretch you pity.

But maybe you would understand
If you saw how sweet this ******* is.
If you knew how it feels
To see sweet contentment and bliss
In the arms of a woman.

i hate the feeling
electricity zapping
panic rising up

elephant sitting
when you have to breathe to live
but breathing kills you

frantic brightness fills
my eyes become not my own
this rollercoaster

the ride is rising
imminent crescendo comes
makes my brain explode

frantic morphs into
the manic part takes over
breath is optional

heart racing pumps blood
this is my brain not on drugs
**** this high on life

is this how he felt?
fragmented thoughts shooting pain
in constant motion

he was bi-polar
only 26-years-old
manic made him shoot

powder burns gaping
bullet isn’t only a word
it’s self-inflicted

is this how he felt?
ghosts collide with memories
make sense make sense again

is this how he felt?
i can’t get out of my head
south polar-trapped north

reality shifts
welcome to my Upside-Down
make this go away

perspective shifted
shattered doesn’t begin to
put name to sorrow

i miss him so much
every breath i take is laced
knowledge of absence

i welcome the pain
i feel him trapped inside me
can i do this life?

my world has shattered
i will never be the same
**** this time and place

wishing for a break
from the hectic mania
that my mind projects
and the absolute havoc
the outside world reaps

i'm not doing this on purpose
i just wish i knew
how to be a person without
having to think it all through.

i wander through my days
with a fog before my eyes
i don't know who to talk to
or if i'm even alive.

it's difficult to live when you
spend almost all your time
fantasizing about death
and that's the only real thought in mind.

i just wish i knew
who to be
where to go
what to do

People say I will go to hell
For touching him and loving her
But If hell is filled with what society deems sinners
Baby call me the devil