i've really messed up
my whole life now f
                                    a
                         ­              l
                                         t
                                           e
                                             ring
slowly   each moment pushed
on my heart   a   l i t t l e  h e a v i e r

waiting for it to ...BURST...
and blow us all    p
                             U
                          ^^^^
i just don't know what could've been done+

preventing a storm :
only works when you know
it's going to come, coME, COME!
-not- when you're in the eye
•
tOo   tOnGuE     tIeD to speak
and just to hürt to try


ive gr0WN accustomed to
        u  m
the l        p    in the throat
the damming of ~water~ behind eyelids                                          f  c
the quivering of my reddened  a  e
and the knifē through the back to my heart

isn't it a shhhhhhame when pain is so common                         B O
and we learn HOW to T  T
                                        L  E   it up       y
and where to store it so                      a
nobody se•es                                    w
                 only   ..   to be hiding it a
from those who gave you heartbreak
                         $         !
and still they act surprised,
                   and condemn you
                   *  *   *   *             tops
when you    POP    off the ^^^
and DrrrüNK enLY g..g..guzzled them all

You swore,
You said,
We'd do it together,
So is this the end?
He asked you the same thing,
And you promised sure!
Did you not once think,
In my face you slammed a door?!
I trusted you,
I felt relaxed,
Then here comes a liar, a braggart a rogue,
To steal everyone who promised,
With whispers of gold.
My eyes finally opened,
The reality they see.
In politics, they will lie
While telling you you're free.
My right hand betrayed me,
And took everything I planned.
Be sure to watch your back,
You will die under MY hand.

I don't know about you but
Trust falls don't work
I know in my gut
You're only catching me because you're forced too.

Out in the jungle of high school,
No one can be trusted.
At least in my eyes.
Everyone is two-faced
Or has a huge mouth that loves to gossip.

Every ******* time
I wind up broken
Because I actually thought people could change.

"Hell, I hate this life"
I hope my back didn't break your knife.

The secrets and feelings all had a spotlight on them now.
Underhanded moves,pretty lies, and twisted words.
They all didn't matter anymore
The game was over.

Blame it on me. Say its my fault. Say I left you all alone with a broken heart.
How was I winning a game I didn't know existed?
You had a number of suspects already listed
And I was wrongly accused
That's usually how the losers lose.

But playing this game was like Russian Roulette
Seeing who would lose to the first bullet.
We both shot at the same time
Same force, and same gun.
That's why none of us really won.

Now your'e on the opposite side of things.
Glaring, Staring, and Whispering into someones ear.
Here I am, doing the same thing.
Were at a stalemate, but were both in fear.
None of us want to raise our white flags first.

The knife in the back was held by one,
It holds the bottle Daddy couldn't drop,
Mine crack and bleed because of my condition,
My grandfathers curled up as he lay dying, just as his mind had years before, as I watched,
My mothers shook as I held her close,
I held his and he pulled me down into hell with it,
And my grip is becoming weak,
Its so hard to hold onto you, when the hands are pulling me away.
Nothing has been handed to me, but pain.

I knew what you wanted
And it wasn't love
It wasn't what I wanted
But I let you push the boundaries
In hopes that it would make you happy
But even with me giving more each time
You weren't satisfied

You knew there was someone who was...
More experienced
Could please you better
And make you happier
Too bad that girl happened to be my best friend

I don't mind when it strikes and it hurts
Eighty miles per hour
It won't ache it won't irk

Discover when you've been lied to
And the ones with blood on their hands
Just wipe it on your face and kiss your cheek

I don't mind when it wounds and it shoots
The alcohol tastes so sour
Though it claws at the memory from its roots

And the times spent in your room
Dissolve with the tears from the fumes

Sons of bedeviled thorns and pistols
They take you in
And they swallow you whole
They take a shot
At your chest, at your brain
They take a shot
And they can't really explain

Hotels filled with lonely corpses
A beautiful face seems the only source
That might get you out of your mind
When you are sick and you are lying

Discover that the ones with blood on their hands
Are the only ones who take a stand
With their sins and knives behind their backs
And a smile, and a laugh,
You have to know where you're at

You spell an apology letter by letter
Yet the sky would know better
Than to clear up on a day like today
When it can strike your soul
So fragile and so frail
And your hands
So skinny and so pale
And your smell
So old and so stale
And your heart
I can almost hear it fail

There's no light at the end of that tunnel
There's no mercy for merciless gunner
Maybe next time they'll think ahead
Before their words shoot you dead

But right now I don't mind
If it stabs from behind
Eighty miles per hour
And I still can't race past my mind

And right now don't you mind
Of your hit and run
Are you blind
To the damage done
I hope the sound of the drums
Drowns your cries
Where my soul once lied.
                                             *p.t.