i don't feel myself
i became someone else i used to hate
i'm a hypocrite i'm hypochondriac i'm hypothermic
and i'm overly active

A few things I like
About that old green truck

A new chrome coat with a few rusty parts
That makes the truck look tough, when in reality, it requires a gentle, caring touch.

the way it struggles to start, but eventually prevails with a successful roar, even with a few mishaps to begin with.

the unique growl it makes, when the car shifts, and moves forward.
A noise which is so recognizable, it causes a grin whenever It is heard.

The mighty roar it gives which is thundering and distinct, but brings genuine joy to the soul.

The way it makes you feel like you're home, even when you're not.

The way it can't take you everywhere, but can make you happy anywhere.

a few things I like
about that old green truck.

I want to be able to catch someone stealing glances and feel giddy,
I want to notice the little things someone does for me and be happy,
I want to smile to myself when I read a text from a boy that I met,
I want to be bubbly and excited whenever something small happens,
I want to be able to open myself up to other people,
I want to be able to be happy with someone else,
I want to be able to reach out to others,
I want to be able to escape these walls I built,
All because you hurt me,
I want to,
Fall in love again,
But every time someone catches my eye,
I get a glimpse of a second chance,
To fall in love,
But the hurt you gave floods my mind,
And that glint of hope,
Turns into cynical thoughts,
And skeptical views,
All because of,
You

I’ve met my soulmate
A few times now

- Maybe more-

Only in this life time though


I met him once in his past life
He spoke Portuguese
I only thought in Kiswahili  

Once I met him when I realized
Past and future lives are really just extensions of the one you live
presently

Once

-a few really-
Which cause me more sorrow than anything
Not at all the confusion past and negative everyone elses said I should have

He was a she

Because of my soulmate
I learned that,

“Love at first sight”

Is just a literary device

Because of my soulmate
I learned that,

“Happily Every After”

Only exist in the land of make believe.


© Christopher F. Brown 2017

no one sticks around
they don't want to hear me out,
conversations go unfinished
and I'm back to wearing a frown.