“Will you love the glimmer of dew that shines from the point of my shovel as I bury your body in the forest on the mainland?”
He says as he demands that I terminate the only thing I know I’ve ever loved
-forced abortion

Don’t wanna waste my life, writing all these love songs….
Refuse to be wasting away, scattered on this page,
Like a salesman the thoughts of you won't go away,  
So I’m stuck thinking about you, night and day.
Then you softly put hand to my heart,
And i fall apart.

Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….
I really hope you like this part, cause it’s gonna repeat a few times!

Starts writing, from the heart.
Scary reality, nowhere to restart.
If you mess up now, it’s over and done.
But God will still claim you, as his son.
And it's time to make headlines, and big budgets.
The boy forgets about the girl, who doesn't?
The boy sings about being a big rock-star,
Whereas the girl can barely afford to pay the down payment on her car….
It’s all downhill from here.(Oh, it's all downhill from here.)

So, it's almost twenty years later,
The boy never went to college, girl studied the theater.
Now both on even playing field,
Success is by far the easiest shield.  
And they meet back up at a high school reunion.
Old sparks fly, brand new tux and gown? Ruined.
Is this love? No, it’s called Teenage Spirit.
They take a break, boy needs a minute.
Girl starts to remember the abortion pill.
And it all goes downhill. (Oh, it goes downhill) 
Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….


Girl begins to cry, alone, in the dark,
Her tears become steadily angrier, gonna go berserk.
Starts remembering every finite detail of that horrid day,
Where Boy drugged and ***** her, and then told her it would be okay.
Because love is forever right? And they love each other right?
This Boy didn’t know love, he just wanted to satisfy his needs at night.
And that's all it takes for the cycle to begin,
A girl, alone in a room, without any friends.
And that's when our story begins.

Boy just wanted to feel, all the power in the world.
Dad beat him so hard, his mother’s toes curled.
And a vicious cycle continues,  from Dad, Boy, to Girl.
And Girl had a real shot in life, if only she gave it a whirl.
Life is so difficult now, and she’ll always remember.  
What happened, all the way back that September.

Catchy tune, that you’ll fall in love with,
You must be a goddess, of legend and myth…
Because you pierce my eyes, and see into my soul,
And recognize just like a knife I’m dull.
How long has it been since i was sharpened by your love?
But, at least you’ll have me, thank God above….
And we shall never again, truly feel loved.

You could have felt every finger
and every little toe,
but this never happened
so we'll never know.

You could have felt my every move
when I was inside,
but my chance to be
in this world was denied.

You could have held me in your arms
and tickled my tiny feet.
That never happened,
we never got to meet.

We could have twirled
our hands into one,
but we will never know
for I was never to come.

We could have had a life
learning together,
but we will never know.
I am lost forever.

By Amoy

Breathe…Breathe…heart beat, life!
Inhale, inhale. I saw your chest rise,
Exhale… exhale… no!  no! No! No! No!
Weeping, weeping, wailing sounds
Beep.... beep.... beep.... Beep..
Sorrow, grief, pain, grief, sorrow pain
Tears I can’t control, I’m in… I’m out.
The sorrow is deep in my soul
Soul, spirit, tears, dust
Why must this be us?
Soul, spirit, tears, dust, how can this be us?
Must… must… I must see her first
Silence, pain, silence, pain
I watched my baby get carried
I saw, I saw, I can still hear
I want, I want, I need her near
Good-bye little bird, your chirp is dear
Look to the heavens and have no fear
We shall, we shall, meet again, the time is near
Goodbye goodbye my dear!

The beautiful girl with the raven hair.
A sleeve of pain she doesn’t remember.
A past of stolen innocence and growing up too fast.
A life of raising her sisters but losing her daughter, because money doesn’t grow on trees and 22 weeks was all the time she could get.
A heart of gold but a facade of steel, too scared to let anyone back in.
A soul that rages of fire, power, and more grit than anyone I’ve met.
A future that my heart wishes for her more than she will ever know.
She will get everything she desires.
Her sobriety will be the medal around her neck.
Her life will be the trophy she won back.
And her beautiful children will be the emblem of strength that let them be born.

Most days, I don’t know strong.
Not the lift my arm, flex my guns type of strong, because you and I both know that I can barely do a push up.
So I never really know much about that type of strong.

I’m talking about the type of strong that will keep this a secret, and still crush me.
Demand me into silence, teeth and jaw and fist.
So I will fold it and shove it underneath my pillow.
The type of strong that forces me to beg you.
And I will beg you to let me hold onto this.
Let me hold onto this like it’s the last part I have of you.
Don’t make me go to that clinic, I beg you, let me look into the mirror and see a mother, not a graveyard.

You see, I keep finding my hand on my stomach.
My fingers tracing the letters to everything their name could’ve been, on the skin under my belly button.
I press my palm against my flesh, and I can feel a heartbeat but I know it’s my own that echoes through these veins.
And at the end of the day, our hearts beat as one.
So when their heart stops, I wonder if mine will too.

I know the type of strong that will go back and forth on my decision a million times,
and I’m sorry that I keep telling you I’m keeping it,
but I can’t seem to shake this uncertainty and regret and I wish this weren’t the case.
I wish I had the kind of strong that prepared me for those two pink lines.
It breaks me that this is goodbye before I even knew hello, and I’m never going to meet them.

They could have your eyes, and they could have my nose.
And at three weeks, their heart started to beat.
And at four weeks, I was running out of my english classroom, because morning sickness decided to check in.
Now I’m sitting in social studies, and you’re sitting across from me, and a girl asks,
“Why do the abortion protestors come to a high school?”

I hope you saw my jaw clench, and my eyes close.
Because now my brain is running through everything I wish I had done differently,
and everything that I wish I had been strong enough for.

You see, I wish that I had the strong that allowed me to go against what was best for you, to do what was right for me.
But my strong just leaves me wondering if it were a boy or a girl.
My strong makes me want to go to walmart and buy those glow in the dark stars, stick them to the ceiling of my room, and call it a nursery.
My strong reminds me of when I was little, and my mom put pigtails in my hair.
My strong looks like tired eyes, in a bed made of sheets that needed to be washed two weeks ago.
It looks like a seventeen year old girl, that wants to go to graduate high school, but she has to be anxious about mifepristone, before she can be anxious about university acceptance.
My strong makes me feel like I’m losing a piece of myself, and my soul is being ripped from my body.
I don’t know a strong that is enough for what I need it to be.

My strong tells me to apologize, but I don’t know how many more sorrys I can give out.
I’m sorry to bring you into this.
I’m sorry that I told you.
I’m sorry that I’m scared.
I’m sorry that I can’t bring a little more of you, and a little more of me into this world.
That they will never see the blue skies, or the green fields, or the yellow flowers.
They will never know the sweet songs that you sing, or the warm chortle of your laugh, like a fire that burns through a forest of sorrow. They will only know my cries, and my sadness, and this black cloud that floats around me and screams storms when I hold my belly.
My strong tells me that this is more than just taking a pill.
It tells me that this is death,
do I need to write an obituary?

You tell me that I am so strong,
but the door to the abortion clinic is so heavy,
and I can barely do a push up.

In the pale white light
    Fine Flowers in the valley
She learned of child to come in the night
    The green leaves they grow rarely

The night came sooner than expected, it did
    Fine Flowers in the valley
She went to the clinic and did it in
    The green leaves they grow rarely

Walking down the street she saw a child
    Fine Flowers in the valley
And saw the love they shared and smiled
    The green leaves they grow rarely