There are those days best forgotten
In solemn silence all begotten
Comes fear and fire
and all that's rotten
In what seems
suddenly ..to be
my lot in life

Life is lived in cost-conscious revisions
Applied like mud poultices
Upon all daily impositions
Inclined to find
the weakest point
in the structure
Eating at you
in silent observation
Of your salient need for salvation as it ***** your
soul
Into the void
where all lost causes
Seek redemption
For all wasted time unspent
In cost - conscious
Solemn silence
When fear and fire
And all things rotten
Were what should
have been forgotten
Instead of all that
you left
unbegotten

My love
I'm sorry that we never got to meet.
I am to blame for that.
I was so afraid of the outcome and how people would take it.
I regret doing anything to harm you.
You were the definition of pure.
You hadn't yet be exposed to the toxins that walk this earth.
I was the only toxin you knew of
And it was i that ended your life.
I'm so sorry.
There are so many things that I wish I could have done  with you.
I wanted to hold you and feel you grasp onto me.
I wanted to be the one to stop you from crying.
To comfort you.
To nurture you.
To love you.
I never got the chance to look into you eyes and see you looking back.
To hear you say your first words or see you take your first steps.
Just the thought of seeing you run around and the way your curls may have bounced.
It is all a figment of my imagination.
Something that could have been reality but was not.
That reality was taken with the slightest thought of unworhtiness.

I've never heard a voice so loud as its
It has no name,  yet its name is beautifully written on the platter of its mother's heart..
It has no vain..
No thought..
No face..
No voice..
No shape..

If you've never seen it..
Go to the doctor's crib..
Go to the nurses coop..
Go to that woman on the street that digs out stems from the earth..

You will see its veins..
You will see its blood..
You will see its shape..
You will see how it frowns when coming out of it mother's bowel..

It is called unwanted..
But its mother opened wide her legs to receive it..
She threw it in the dung of a white pad..
She silenced its voice forever..

You still wonder what it is?

It is an unwanted child.....

Rebecca Nneka