only with loss with you realize how important everyone is around you. you will learn to treasure everyone's presence a million times more when you finally know how much the absence of the one you love can **** you. but still somehow no time spent in the world is ever enough to make you feel like you've given your all to them. you live every moment making sure you're not taking them for granted while they continue living their lives totally void of the memory of loss. nothing makes you feel more alone and hopeless than this.

from moon to sun. from being beautiful and harmless, to illuminating & burning everything on this path that will hurt me, but still warm enough to give light to the ones i love.

To my first love.

the one who made me feel important. the one who made me feel cared for. the one who made me realize what it felt like to have someone genuinely want to get to know me. the one who never failed to show me so much affection and care. the one who showed me what mutual love was. and also the one who broke my heart. the one who made me feel the worst betrayal of my life. the one who showed me how disposable a person could be. the one who made me realize words could mean absolutely nothing. the one whose heart changed till i no longer recognize. the one i cried many months for. but also the one who taught me independence. the one who made me realize there's more than just one person i can love wholeheartedly. the one who helped me grow to be the person i am meant to be. the one who made me realize i am strong and fine being all by myself.

i will always love you, you will forever be in my heart.

what do i do with all this love left in my heart for you?
what do i do when i found my favourite person but the world doesn't want us to be together?
why did we meet only to be separated?
grief is love with nowhere to go
and with all this love left in my heart for you
i will never stop grieving

What we had wasn't something they would call normal
Chaos resonates in our eyes
We made impulsive decisions
We both didn't know if we would have the chance again
The chance to have someone to love
So we claimed to love each other when all we wanted was something else
Genuine or not, it was something I would never forget
I wouldn't say it was love, but it definitely taught me what love shouldn't be
It all ended as quickly as it started
But there were good times
And if given a chance
Those are times i'd live through again and again, and again
Our chemistry together was remarkable
And I have never felt so comfortable with someone
It's like we've known each other for years
But our chemistry was too strong
We both wanted what we couldn't give each other
But that's just life, right?
We never keep what makes us whole
And that's just the way it goes.

"Better to be safe than sorry", they said.
So i took the safe path.
Full of roses and all beautiful flowers.
I made sure I took the right steps towards you.
We had it.
We almost bloomed.
Did i make a mistake?
Was there not enough water and sunlight to nurture and make us grow to be even more fond of each other?
Did i forget that flowers will eventually wilt?
I used to be so risky with love.
So for once, I choose to take the safe route.
But it brought me so much sadness.
So much pain.
And still i failed.
Still, i end up hurt.
Still, i falter.
Still, just like water.

Through this heartbreak,
I finally understood what he is going through
He lost someone who was his world
He loved her
but he lost her unintentionally
He didn't think this would happen
He would do anything to get her back
but life is unfair
He felt stuck
He's just treading water
He couldn't do anything
He just wanted her
but she didn't
She didn't love him like he did
He loved her till this day
even though it was never meant to be
If this is hurting me, it must be killing him
I'm sorry he had to go through this
I want to take his pain away
I want to love him the way he loved her
I just want him to be happy

They say we all have that spark in us that'll light the way when we're in darkness
I think my spark burned brighter than the sun till it burned down all the bridges i was on
I lost my lover
I gave him all my love
but
i guess he was too used to the darkness
He didn't want to be found
The love i gave him lit up the bridge
I'm drowning in the ocean beneath us
and there is no way light could lead me out of the dark
I'm left for dead
I lost my lover, and i lost myself

i love poetry
it made me realise who i was
i understood myself better
and i felt understood
though we are all swimming in different tides and waves
we're all from the same ocean
different,
but together as a whole

You're all around me
Everyone is telling me i should let you go
But how can i do that if
Every song
Every sky
Every smile
Every laughter
reminds me of you?
How can i pretend we're strangers when we've shared so much memories?
How can i let you go when you've given me so much to remember?
How can i let you go if you made me feel like i was the only one you held on to when you were low?
I can't pretend we're nothing
How did you let me go that easily?
What was it all for?
Teach me how to let go
I really need to know

You let down your walls for me and i walked in
I was in love with the view
The sun was shining so brightly
Flowers were blooming
Birds were singing
But
You forced me out
You wanted me gone
You didn't wanna let me know you better
You didn't want me to enjoy the view with you
You didn't give me a chance to be closer to you
You wanted to be alone
You isolate yourself
You locked me out
I thought we could be something more
I really don't know what was it all for
Dark clouds are all i see
Thunder is all i hear
The sun hasn't shined since the day you left
And my dear,
I broke down your walls
But you broke my heart in return

Ever felt nostalgic for a love that hasn't happened?
Ever wanted to dedicate your favorite love song to a future lover?
Ever felt like the world would crumble if you're never going to meet your soulmate?
Ever wanted to risk it all and just confess your love to your crush?
Ever felt like you won't be good enough for your future lover?
Ever realized that overthinking will bring nothing but countless questions with no answers?