Rules and jurisdictions
What if you disengaged?
Consequences you didn't sign up for
Will **** you or have you caged.

Born in a system that
You can't opt of
So innocent,
Oblivious to the paradox.

They say you have freedom
But do you really see?
They have to tell you, you have it
So are you really free?

Can I consume something?
Just how these thoughts swallow me.
Or seek for an unfair revenge,
Will my conscience allow me?
Fetch me water or even wine,
My thoughts need washing down.
Through my throat, they’re still in me,
But at least I wiped away my frown.

I'm depleting
Day by day
****** into a black hole
Fading away.
I have no control
No will either
Surrendered to the pull
I'm waiting to wither.

Too much effort,
I’m giving in my all.
I’m helping me out,
To get up from the fall.
Such a disgrace,
I can’t stand even tall.
Walking away, a task,
I can’t even crawl.
You look at me,
Rolling your eyeball.
I feel like a mess,
Need alcohol.
Being happy, a norm
But **** protocol!
I can’t fake a smile,
I’m not a doll.
Any well wishers?
The number’s sure small.
Will they stand by me?
Help me build my wall?

I know what ensues.
It's a bitter fact,
Pain, hate and abuse.
It hurts me to say that
You're monstrous.

Just how can I hate you?
You were my hero once.
I cannot erase you,
You're the air in my lungs
But cancerous.

You went overboard
For one little me.
Forgive me,
Too broken to see.

For all this while
You wanted my smile.
Forgive me,
Too broken to see.

Then it broke you,
Me not needing you.
Wounded you hard,
Left you scarred.

There’s no payback,
I’m way too broke,
And broken too.
I can’t heal you.

Someday you’ll know
That I knew your love,
And loved you too,
But I couldn’t heal you.

My thoughts race
So does the heart,
Happens so often
It feels default.

My fingers fail me,
I cannot type.
My hand shivers,
Can’t hold the pen right.

I feel ants crawling
At the back of my head.
I know there are none
But can’t help be afraid.

I try taking a deep breath,
Always end up in a cough.
Paranoia is ingrained,
It can’t get enough.