i am yours
until my heart
forgets your name
i am yours

s.s

bodies pressed together
he whispered
"i needed you"

bittersweet
was the feeling
of his skin

s.s

hearing you say
you're proud of me
is all the reason
to stay clean

s.s

he had found a girl a while back
to fill the space i left
and now that he's the one who left
i finally understand why
because another boy
might rid my mind of you
and the taste of his skin
might make me forget yours

s.s

i rather be high off pain pills and *** than memories of us that are only that;
memories

s.s

you and i
we felt hopeless
full of regrets and bad choices
but that never stopped me from wanting you
even now
i fall asleep with you in my head
hoping you'll follow
so i can be with you
happy
even if temporary

s.s

everyday
i am learning to love
the imperfections
that litter my body
the same way
we find beauty
in the petals
of dead roses

s.s

drugs may **** you
they may drain
the color from your eyes
but they will never
break your heart
and walk away
still in love

s.s

poets
will make you see heartache in beauty
and love in disaster
they will make you feel
you will stare into a sunset
and feel your heart break
but grin and giggle
at the pouring down rain

s.s

he was hers
she was his
even if they weren't together
they were tied at the heart
waiting for a miracle
or for life to finally cut the tie

only time will tell

s.s

she bit down on her lip
and the taste of blood filled her mouth
yet she didn't mind
because it was the farthest thing from sweet
as he always tasted

s.s

getting bad again is not noticing the eleven pounds you've dropped in the past month simply because it makes you sick to eat and the empty feeling in your stomach masks the one in your chest

getting bad again is falling in love with the chaos as much as you fell for the boy because having a life in shambles is what you know you deserve and knowing you never deserved that joy in the first place

getting bad again is grinning at the hateful comments you hear because its validation for everything you think and it only fuels the fire of self loathing in your soul

getting bad again is the deep set bags under your eyes that still aren't big enough to carry all the emotional trauma, the guilt that never seems to leave, and the regrets for all the mistakes you've ever made

getting bad again is the late nights
the unsent messages
the tears and puffy eyes
the empty stomachs and empty minds
the aching chest
the drugs and distractions

but most importantly
getting bad again
is just a part of life
and getting better again
is just the next step

s.s

the satisfaction
of numbers dropping at your feet
and the warmth
of nothing in your stomach

s.s

she was a riptide
the kind of disaster you can’t see
but once you're pulled in
oh god, you can’t get out
she was a crooked smile
a terrible laugh
too much of this,
too little of that
she was a mess
but she was golden
an 11:11 wish
you’d later regret
chaos in a quiet package
something that is
better to forget
she was something to fall for
until you realise
all she does is fall
she is a mess
and always will be
her lungs are filled with panic
and her veins laced with turmoil

s.s

i keep trying to write about how i dont feel right without you, but now im crying in class and none of the words seem to get the point across that you were the best thing to ever happen to me and i miss you more than i ever thought i would and all these words are as ****** as i feel

s.s

i've compared you to
oceans
drugs and
storms
to light
water
love and
more

i've crafted a million different metaphors
just to try and capture your beauty

but the truth is
you're just a boy
a boy i found perfection in

in every breath you took
and every atom in your ******* body
i found a reason to love

s.s

this is all my fault
this mess of life before me
this is all my fault

s.s

love is chemical
it's not my fault
i can't rid myself of you
your name is dopamine
your eyes serotonin
your voice oxytocin
you are chemically threaded
in my veins
flowing through
a heart you broke

s.s

silly boy
if you wanted her to be happy
you wouldn't have left

silly boy
don't tell her you miss her
you don't
we all know that

s.s

one day
you won't be crying your self to sleep
or hurting your body
they won't be in your dreams
or your head when you wake
their name won't make your heart stop
and seeing them won't make it ache

one day
when you tell them
you're doing good without them
you won't be lying
you won't be crying
you will recover

s.s

i need to forget
you
how i needed you
more than anything
how to me
you meant everything
i need you to mean nothing
i want to forget
us
i want to fall
out of love

s.s

please
please tell me
when you move on
tell me you don't love me
please
so i can stop picturing
you calling me
kissing me
holding me
telling me you made a mistake
that you messed up again
please
please tell me
when you do
so i can move on too

s.s

a new boy told me i was beautiful as his eyes traced my body
i cringed at the words because his tongue didn't wrap them the way yours would

a new boy grinned at me when i approached as he spoke hello
i barely managed to smile back because his eyes didn't light up in the way yours would

a new boy hit my phone up trying talk about anything
i left it unopened because his conversation felt forced and he didn't speak the way you would  

any new boy could be good, this is true
but here i am uninterested
because they just aren't you

s.s

perhaps one day
our paths will cross
and we will sip coffee
as dark as my eyes
under blue skies
as light as yours
and we will reminisce
about the days
we were just dumb kids
falling in love
and how we tore it apart
destroyed each other
because you had no hope
and i was afraid
and we didn't want to get hurt
more than we were
and i'll laugh into my coffee
and sadly smile into your eyes
remembering
how ******* happy we were
imagining
how happy we could have been

s.s

it is strange to think
i will never again
taste love on your lips
trace your skin with more than my eyes
or ever call you mine

s.s

she used to get nervous to see him
with butterflies in her stomach
she felt alive

now butterflies feel like daggers
and she's nervous to face him
she feels dead inside

s.s

being around you
makes me feel
ecstatic and elated
yet
unfathomably forlorn
and undeniably broken

ironic isn't it?

s.s

tell me you miss me
i will laugh with tear filled eyes
it was your choice love

s.s

every time you touch me
or i feel you close
it drives me ******* crazy
more than you would know

s.s

stop reading my writing
get off my profile
how i'm feeling is none of your business
stop checking for awhile

s.s

love isn't always enough
to create a happy ending

to be honest
i'm not sure what we were
these memories are flooding my head
and there's so much i want to say
so much i want to know

do you miss me
do you see me and feel your heart ache
do you think about me before you drift off to sleep
do you you get high to forget me
or does this all not matter

i miss you more than i should
seeing you and knowing you arent mine makes me sick to my stomach
you're the first and last thought to cross my mind every day
i've tried to get high in as many ways as possible to keep my mind away from you
this all matters too much, i shouldn't feel this much

to be honest
i can't stop thinking about what we were
and if you're thinking about it too

s.s

i am
hopelessly
in love with you

you could burn my whole world to the ground
destroy everything i live for
and i would still seek shelter
in the oceans of your eyes

maybe that's why i let you break my heart
and why i'd let you do it again
if it meant you'd hold it for awhile longer

i am just
hopeless
and hopelessly
in love

s.s

i miss you

we deserved
so much better

s.s

her mind felt jmubeld
all mixed up
and her love felt
unfinis

s.s

her mind was going full speed
twenty four seven
latching on to any other thought
to avoid him
but in person they met
and she felt okay
till he placed his hand on her arm
as he walked away
and time froze
her mind halted to a stop
just that familiar touch
to make her heart ache and drop

i am feeling good
i am not crying
it could be what's in my veins
or i could just be lying

all i know is i feel weightless
numb and entranced
whatever i am taking
makes me forget this broken romance

s.s

all her friends
spoke of break ups
where they now hate
their ex lovers
but she couldn't hate him
he never did anything wrong
he was good to her
he wasn't at fault
she couldn't even be mad at him
just wished him the best
it's what he deserves

s.s

i think not speaking
is the thing messing me up the most
out of all of this

yes, i love you
i really really do
but i know i will get over that
it will take time and it will hurt like hell but i know i will

the thing is, you are my safe place
were my safe place
i felt as though i could go to you about anything
and you made me feel more comfortable than anyone else
you knew how to react and made it easy to talk
now i cant do that
and **** keeps happening
while you're the first person i think to go talk to when i can't
and i keep wondering how you are
you seem fine but i still miss hearing about your life

i miss you and i feel pathetic
because i'm having a hard time adjusting
and i dont exactly know what to do with myself

say you dont care
it's how you act
dont say youre hurting like me
take that lie back

go look at pictures
of us and myself
and tell me this doesn't
hurt like hell

think of my laugh
and the feeling of my skin
and tell me you dont miss
my crooked grin

imagine my voice  
the way i said i love you
tell me you feel nothing
that you're glad we're through

i want to hear you say it
rather than just acting this way
think of everything about us
and tell me your glad you went away

s.s

it is completely confusing
how just weeks ago
you spoke with sugar dripping from your tongue
every word you uttered undeniably sweet
and you traced my skin with the stars in your eyes
saying nothing could break this
yet now you break me
with evident ease
and act as though this was all a joke
that every charming word you spoke
was a lie to get what you want
and now its not worth the effort
and you are unaffected
simply moved on in a matter of hours
like this didn't even happen
as though you've erased it from your memory
i dont even know if it was ever true
i just know i did love you
**** i still do
and maybe that wasn't mutual
ever and never will be
i want to believe you cared
but it's hard when you act this way
you joke and laugh and ignore it all
it's probably good you didnt stay
because how could you tell me one thing
that you're hurting just like me
then act the opposite
like you dont care and that's plain to see

my mom is yelling about something so miniscule it shouldn't be an issue and how dare i speak up but i'm getting fed up but she's on this constant emotional rollercoaster you never know when she will crash or how the alcohol will react

my dad is getting frustrated with the nonsense and stress is consuming him every day threatening his health but he can't confide in his wife so he goes to his daughter instead

my sister is getting **** at school from kids who are insecure with themselves so they feel they need to take it out on soft souls like herself and there's nothing i can seem to do

my boy is not my boy anymore and he used to be one of my best friends but now i can barely look him in the eye without beginning to cry and right now i wish he were hugging me rather than ******* up my head

my friends are unreachable at the times i need to talk since there's no way to contact them when the night marches on so i sit alone and try to figure this out myself, i'd hate to bother them anyways

my head is ******* spinning and i feel dizzy and sick like i'm going insane but i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit the walls or lay still in bed unable to move at all

my life feels messy and i don't know what to fix first, it should probably be myself but i just can't be a priority

s.s

i believe
i wasn't ready to let go
because i felt oddly close to him
i felt a comfort i hadn't experienced before
like being with him was safer than being with myself
and a connection like that
doesn't come along every day

s.s

if he called me up
at three in the morning
or came tapping at my walls
calling my name
i would lose
my few hours of sleep
just to hear his voice
and anything he had to say

s.s

how do you let go
of someone you've fallen for
when you don't want to

s.s

she wants to talk with
him more than anything but
sorrow consumes her

i am not okay
it is that simple

i left three of my classes today just to go breathe in the bathroom so my peers wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes and i could stick to the lie that i'm doing fine without you

my day was **** because i saw you and you seem better than you've been in a long time and the fact you're so happy kills me to the point where i dont want to even look at you, but at the same time i'm glad you're doing well because i feel like hell and you dont deserve that

i kept thinking of you on the ride home and couldn't stop crying because your laugh just replayed in my head and the boy next to me wouldn't stop asking what was wrong but i told him nothing and his comforting pat on the shoulder just made me flinch  

i say i'm doing okay but my close friends see right through it so they hug my shaking shoulders and hold my trembling hands because they know how much i cared about you and how much this has hurt me

i dont want to go to school because i am afraid to see you because it ******* hurts not being able to hug you, feel your lips against mine, or even just talk about the **** going on in our lives

i wouldn't erase our memories from my head but if there was a pill that could fast forward time to the point where i am over you and the thought of you doesn't make me feel ******* miserable i would have swallowed five by now

i am not okay
it is just that simple

s.s

he lingered
like her bruises
serving a constant reminder
of the pain inflicted

s.s

the only positive
to this pain
is that it gives power
to pathetic poetry

s.s

it hurts the most
knowing he might still care
but not enough
to fight for what's there

s.s