I am breaking deep down
Though I never show it
I am breaking deep down
I'm happy but slowly dying
I tried my best to move on
But the memories stayed
I tried my best to move on
But my feelings still remains
I swear I am trying
To get you out of my heart
I swear I am trying
Not to let myself fall apart

If only it was easy to say how you feel
Without worrying about the consequences
For these words that I have yield
Would make or break both our bridges
I have been lying to my own dear heart
That I am not a man in love
But these lies are tearing me apart
As I know what we are now is not enough
Would you fear for what I have to say?
If I came down and ask for your hand?
That I am yours until the end of days
If you are willing to accept this man
For his heart has never shifted
The moment he laid his eyes on you
I promise this time it would not hurt
For this love I promise you is true

The things that we used to feel
The roller coaster of emotions
I guess we just lost our passion
We used to believe it was real
The feeling that we called love
Now we are both further apart
Even though we are very close
I fell the gap between or hearts
I tried my best to make it better
Picking up all the broken pieces
The flaws that we both had made
The hugs and all of the kisses
Good memories where all that we had
To keep this feeling between us alive
To make us feel this love was not a lie

I used to see you in a different light
We would do all things together
You would always be by my side
You said you would be there forever
I believed in what you've said
I took every word as a promise
But for my mistakes I have paid
For I have never felt pain like this
The aching heart that never stops
But I still think of you everyday
No matter how much I've lost
I still see you in the same way
No matter if you've hurt me the most

They told me to me to write
So I can drag out those feelings
That was left unexpressed
If those words came to light
Then it would feel less depressing
And my life would not be a mess
I have spoken my truth
And filled those words in paper
Of all those bottled emotions
Inside was a story of me and you
About love, sadness and anger
And how it became lesson
I was willing to sacrifice
Your needs over my own
Just so you could be happy
In the end you cut our ties
You left me drowning alone
And killed what is left of me

You went and moved far away
Like a bird moving from winter
Although I plead you to stay
You said it will make me better
But only pain is what I feel
Emotions I choose not to cater
The emotions which are real
Made me not stand any longer
I fell in somewhere very dark
And the only shelter I seek
Is a place within your heart
Please let me stay forever
For the loneliness kills me
I can't bear it any longer

I stood by the doorway across the hall
This was the first time that I had fall
I had fallen in love with great beauty
Hoping that beauty would love me
Wishing that it would be like a fantasy
Where it will only be beauty and me
We would dance to all the good music
Sing along while remembering the lyrics
Laugh at the jokes that we both share
I would take beauty out to the fun fair
For beauty I would try to win all of the prizes
Then beauty would give me hugs and kisses
In the end beauty would fall in love with me
But I realize that this was all just a fantasy
That I had to wake up and face the reality
Where that I am a loser compare to beauty
Chances are beauty does not even notice me

A love that I once tried to keep
Was stolen from me during my sleep
I tried to wake up from my slumber
Through the cold month of December
Somebody took away my treasure
Something beautiful beyond measure
Something that people called love
The love that was truly divine
That I actually thought it was mine

Beneath the thousand stars
And the lonely moon
A moment I wish could've last
Lying on the sand next to you
You with those crimson red lips
And eyes colored of the ocean blue
With sound of waves crashing through
I could lie forever with you
And in those quiet moments together
I have dreamt my future with you
With a little house and picket fences
Maybe with a child or perhaps two
I would have taken my chances
Just to have a life with you
But at the end of the day we knew
That this wildest dream
Could have never come true
For you were forced by your father
To be the wife of another
And here I am still thinking about
The thousand stars by the beach
Those quiet nights that I truly miss
Laying on the sand right next to you
But now I am lonely just like the moon

If there was a way
Would you still love me?
Would you still care?
At the end of the day?

I ask myself a lot
If what we felt was real
Keeps playing in my thoughts
Though our fates are sealed

It is the end of the road
But I appreciate the journey
Even if it's hard to let go
Us is my favourite memory

**** it or **** me
Destroy don't let it be
A monster hidden within
The gloomy shadows of my heart
It wants to break free
And let death lingers it's path
So **** it now don't let me be
A monster that is within me

I dreamed a day to be away
From the bustling city noise
And from the faces of despair
I wished the car I've driven
Would take me to the coast
Instead of my office in the city
Where I could walk by the sand
Hear the waves crashing on the land
Feel the breeze of the wind
The breathe the fresh air
To have a moment in paradise

I'm scared for the future
It is always uncertain
Those goals you plan to achieve
Those dreams you try to capture
It might feel so close
Only to realize that it is so far
Only to know there are miles to go
It might feel so right
But in the end you were wrong
But in the end all hope is gone

Am I your play thing?
An object for entertainment?
When you have nothing
That brings you any amusement?
You call only when you need
But when you are happy
You packed your bags and leave
Without thinking about me
Left me out in the cold
Making me blame myself
Tormenting my own soul
Thinking I am not worthy of love

I always wondered
What is the purpose?
All the written words
An expression of oneself
On a piece of paper
Dotted in black ink
Which makes me feel better
But if often leaves me wondering
What is the purpose?
Maybe a collection of memories
Of what once was
Something important for me
Maybe I know the actual purpose
It is a place for me to heal
No more wearing any mask
And express what I truly feel

A quarter of a lifetime
Are all of the years
That I have lived
The word goodbye
And all of the tears
Aching with no relief
Remembering the smiles
Laughters that I hear
Is something I would miss
And yet all those moments
Frozen forever in time
Are for mine to keep
But never to relive again

Never had I fallen this hard
I've never experience pain this much
I've never been consumed by rage
Until I question my own faith
I only knew now life's unfair
All I had was pain and despair
Though death seems like an option
I tried my best to control my emotions
Sometimes it just comes tumbling out
Those things I kept bottled inside
Those secrets that I shut tight
Sometimes rage gets the best of me
That I hurt the people around me

I could still remember it
When our eyes first met
You were covered in black
From your head to your toe
Apart from your red backpack
And your pure white soul

Your smile forever carved in memory
Your voice is the sweetest of melody
You wished your eyes were sky blue
But black seems more fitting for you
I always felt that I was the lucky guy
To have met you as I was passing by

The most beautiful girl I have seen
More than I could ever dream
Some people think you are a goddess
But you have always been modest
Telling that you are a normal person
When clearly you are different

Like the red backpack that stood out
You were different from the crowd
These signs were all enough
To know I have fallen in love
Gave my heart with no regrets
To the girl with the red backpack

I have seen that look once
In the back of my memory
It did caused a little harm
A pain which burns in me
A feeling which is regret
Though I seek no help
These feeling consumes me
I bear all of them silently
I tried to put on a smile
But it gets harder each time
How could you continue a lie
When all you want to do is cry?
How could you stay strong?
When you are actually weak?
I thought you were different
I believed in what you've said
I thought you actually loved me
I thought you actually cared
I guess you never really did
Though it kills me to admit
You were my greatest regret

I remember the promises we made
You need time till we can be together
Those promises was all I really had
You do not know how much I suffer
Because my heart is in your hands
I was just trying to take it all back
I just wanted to wash all of the pain
Please do it all just for my sake
I truly am deeply in love with you
There are no lies they are all true
I know what I have is rejected love
A feeling which leaves scars deep
Deep buried inside the aching heart
My mind and my life is pulling apart
I thought you would love me back
The unconditional love is all I ask
You took a huge leap and left me behind
I still can't get rid about the past
My love for you is still in my heart and mind
Like a song that keeps repeating
A video that keeps on repeating
I am going crazy and insane
I can't get you out of my brain
Oh rejected love please leave me be
For I can't take all of this as you can see
Rejected love I have thought things over
It is better off that we'd just be strangers

You were in my description
My whole life describes of you
I loved you with no hesitation
A love I thought that was true
A love with mutual emotions
A feeling between me and you
I committed to a full devotion
Something that I was glad to do
Slowly you started to had doubts
You started to question about us
The arguments start to go loud
We started to lose all our trust
Our love started to drift away
You took the train and left me
The only thing I could do is stay
Stay and wait by the old oak tree
Behind the old wooden house
The place where we first met
You with your pretty blouse
Me with my old worn hat
We will talk and laugh all day
Listening to every conversation
Even if there's nothing to say
Fill our hearts with tons of emotions
Slowly we will fall in love again
Hoping this time it will last until the end

Was falling for you a curse?
Because it does really hurt
But the ache could never compare
To the joy in my my heart
When you start talking to me
All over again
I would rather break into pieces
And having it to be put back together
By the hands of its destroyer
All over again

You came crashing like a wave
Now I am caught in the middle
I don't know if I should be glad
Because these feelings could be fatal
It gives me wonder at the start
Sooner or later it will be hard
Whenever I feel that we are apart
I would have this ache in my heart
Then my mind would be so negative
I would always think that you'll leave
Like a wave you'd pull me to the sea
Because it could happen in seconds
And if I'm not careful I'd be dragged in
Into the depths of my own depression

Her face is as beautiful as the moonlight
Her charm could get you lost in the night
Something about her beauty is not right
Her smile describe the secret that she hides
What she offers all men is only lust
She would always ****** and gain your trust
Slowly she would break you down to your weakest
She will strike you down and gain all of your riches
She would leave you then broken heart and broke
She is the woman that the villagers have spoke
A woman that is only made of pure evil
She is known by many as a She Devil

I have express the truth
In written paper for all to read
A poem about my youth
Where I chose want instead of a need
When I was learning about love
Pain was what came to me
Mistakes were my companion
Failure was my given title
It was difficult to learn from my lesson
But I'll try as long as I'm able
To strive through all the hardships
That comes into my way
With problems that I bury deep
I still smile at the end of the day
So people won't see that I'm scared
So people won't see that I am weak
But the screams in my own head
Thoughts that are an ocean deep
Would always come and haunt me
Kick me down from where I stand
Who would care for me
A man who is always sick
I hope one day I will meet
A person who would stand by me
For I am sick of being me
All lonely, fragile and weak

Why is it so hard to speak?
The words that I want
Whenever you are around
I wish I could speak
But suddenly I'm lost for words
It won't come out of my mouth
So all I could to was adore you
Every single day in total silence