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Esther Dec 2018
i'm swimming
i'm swimming
i'm swimming

drinking myself into oblivion
for the third time today
i'm drowning

i'm swimming
i'm swimming
help
i can't breathe.
Merry Christmas Y'all.
Esther Dec 2018
honey
my love for you is like an hourglass
when you leave
i shatter with it
...
stay
please.
@1:22am
12/11/18
Esther Dec 2018
They say photographs are precious
Because they remind you that once upon a time
Even just for a heartbeat
Everything was perfect
Looking through my phone
I don't have any pictures
From some of the best days of my life
Because i was too busy dancing in the sunset
Pressing lips against the people i loved the most
To remember to pull out my phone
And snap a picture

Those moments are engraved in my brain
Locked inside my heart's deepest chamber
Melted into every ounce of my soul
Replaying in my wildest dreams every night

I guess the best place to be alive
Is in each other's memories
It's the warmest feeling
An eternal smile on our face
Fingers intertwined
Heartbeats synchronised
Under the stars
On the beach
In the sunset
At the mall
In your bedroom with too little space
With the air on
Cuddling to "The Notebook"

I guess
We are immortal in each other's memories.
I live in your memories.

@3:18am
11/10/18
Esther Nov 2018
dear nobody,
is it raining where you are?
miles north, where my heart once belonged
does your heart ache like mine?
could you possibly feel the pain in the atmosphere
when you reach out to feel the droplets?

was i just another raindrop to you
trying hard to capture my essence
in the palm of your hands
only for me to slip through your fingers
i felt invisible

i guess the flowers are blooming there again
eternal sunshine
it's the season of love after all
but why is it that the September rain
didn't wash away the pain you left in me?
jacarandas painted the world a shade of lilac
i wish feelings fade as quickly as the seasons change

you've got your good girls now
i hope you're happy
you probably don't think about me anymore
or do you?
was i ever in your dreams?
i don't know
the distance between us buried our love
six feet under

those lonely nights
the five-hour phone conversations
they were lifeline to me
how i wished you were right there beside me
how i wanted to hold your body close
but i feel nothing now
not even the ghost of you

o how ironic it is
that the last words i heard from you were
"i love you."

and how tragic it is
that you never heard me
say those 3 words back

smile, love
it will rain again
another pretty soul's going to captivate you
smile, love
i was never yours
and you were never mine.
I'll be your lady in another life, C.

@7:15am
26/09/18
Esther Oct 2018
I have 2 questions:
One, will the scars fade?
Two, when they do
Will i forget about you?
I disappoint everyone anyway. Why try?
Esther Oct 2018
Are you today's date?
'Cause you're 10/10
And you cut yourself 10 times
On your left wrist today.
i self-harmed yesterday after almost 3 months clean. i don't feel good.
Esther Sep 2018
I miss him
I guess I'll never stop missing him
Sometimes I wish I'd never let go of that hand
That way, maybe he would've stayed
Sometimes I'd stare at the half-empty bottle of perfume by my bedside
Wishing that if I put it on
He'd find himself at my door again

I want to get undressed for him again
Watch our naked forms collide into an apocalypse
Wrap my legs around his waist
Feel his lips crashing against mine
Inhaling every scent of his Heaven
I invite him into my paradise
A place where
Daydreams and love and his cologne
Aren't just soaked into my bedsheets

Our love was trapped in the bottle of perfume
By the bedside where we once made love
In the palm of my hand
It feels like a black hole now
Where you never existed
And my heart was never broken.
Thoughts I had when I saw that bottle of perfume again.
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