Rows of metal shells hold our future,
The windows covered in grime and cracked,
Not that anyone would care.

The next generation eats in kitchens of disorder,
Sleeps in the home of chaos,
Wears the clothes of extortion.

***** mouths fuel our world,
Industry propped up by falsehoods,
Empty promises drive us on.

A rainbow of glows,
Scattered between needles,
Painted with soft scents,
Dripping down to the carpet
To join strips of silver
Shed before their time
Their brothers and sisters wrapped round
In pulsing waves around the monolith of cheer,
And between the proud branches,
Paintings lifted from canvas,
To decorate the eyes.

People don't like labels,
They don't like to be generalised,
Grouped in with everyone else.

Well I'd love one,
But I don't fit into any of them,
Which seems to hurt me more.

I need to understand,
I want something solid, real to hold on to,
To remind me someone knows how to help.

But it's the strange sense,
That I'm on my own, or that I'm too unique,
That gets me and brings me to tears.

I'd love a label,
But society doesn't have one for me,
Not quite.

I'm slipping away,
Beyond sleep,
Past slumber,
Further,
To reach,
Her voice,
Which gleams,
Like golden thread.

If I saw this light from another angle
It would take upon a different shade
Where I have arrived now, I could only
Have got here from just one way.

It's okay to think "Why did that happen?"
"Why couldn't it have been easier for me?"
But we are the product of our trials and commitments
Are tested and strengthened through difficulty.

And here we begin,
To build our dreams,
To move into action,
Turn hopes real,
What we talked of,
But never quite believed,
Is within our reach now,
Within sight,
And change will come,
We will be freed,
All may enter,
All may be,
Their true self,
No more lies,
So here we begin,
The long path ahead,
But passion drives on,
And will not dry up.

I spent too long looking back,
On the words I used to be.

And now,
The present has passed me by,
No time left for me.

When I look forward,
All I see,
Wall after wall,

And when I try to keep up,
I trip,
And I fall.

Sometimes,
I am too slow,
Or get held back too long.

But I'd rather,
Finish way too late,
Than get this whole thing wrong

Shining,
Gleaming,
In the reflection,
Of a darkened window,
A power-saving lamp,
Lights the spiral bounds,
Of a single notebook,
That holds my inner,
Soul.

There was such life in his eyes,
Such energy,
That far surpassed his body's limits.

So keen to speak,
To tell of all his years,
And to learn of new ones to come.

No fear of change crept into his mind,
Always looking forward,
Never "It was better in the old days" but rather "It was different".

A man led by a love of God,
Who led him to touch hearts,
And raise spirits.

And the finest mark of such a man,
That in memory we laughed before we cried.

Waiting, dry,
Stale silence sticks to my throat,
Flows through my head,
And sits in my skull:
Softly hissing,
Whines shake along my jaw,
Trembling across my neck.

In my solitude,
I punctuate the hollow room with
Tapping of fingers,
Fidgeting for the folly
Of pointless chatter
But finding only the grease and grime,
Of long gone dates and dateless days.

The counter holds more stories, but we forgot them all.

Could I?
Could I do it?
It's only everyone that I know,
And they don't look that hard at me,
Do they?
Would they even notice?
Almost certainly.
And it definitely wouldn't be forgotten.
But isn't that what I want?
Yes, but not like this.
But this way would be quicker,
This would get it out of the way,
And I'm tough, right?
And I have friends who'd keep me safe,
But still...
So many eyes, always.
Besides, I won't have time to prepare,
Nor the energy,
So for another day,
I won't.

Inspiration found,
In words once told,
To farmers and beggars,
Long long ago,
Whose lives were much different,
To the one that I've grown,
But they still needed telling,
What we need to know,
So in the words of a teacher,
In days of old,
We're still reaping fruit,
From the seeds that he sowed.

These days would be
Easier
If I just hid away
And stayed quiet
To let it play itself out.

The conflict would be
Simpler
If I ignored my own feelings
And just let them
Find their own solution

This journey would be
Shorter
If we just stopped following me
And kept to the
Paths they need to walk.

Swing left,
Swing right,
Catch in the breeze,
Cast shadows on the floor,
Drift right,
Drift left,
Face the sun-splashed window
Turn away,
Fall left
Fall right,
Fall limp.

"Nothing is real," she says,
Her tone a cloak for her meaning
But I know her words are a plea,
A last hope to convince herself
That the darkness is no more
Than a shadow puppet in some sick play.
She would welcome emptiness,
Silence and solitude,
For her these things would be a
Relief

Let the blade slip from your hand
Let it fall away like the blood you tried to shed
Let the past fall too, a thousand regrets gone
Let go
Let every time you doubted fade away
Let every wound heal
Let yourself be free of the fear
Let your heart beat warm blood
Let yourself believe that you were worth it
You were worth fighting for.

Each moment,
Held, sustained,
Drawn out,
So I can spend more time with you.
I let it last,
Longer than I can't.

I don't write about God
Not often
When I try I feel inadequate
Or I fear somehow offending
Or alienating
Someone I wish was saved

I don't write about God
Not easily
How to describe something
So ingrained in my being?
Closer even
Than my bitter struggles

I don't write about God
Not enough
Not because I can't
Because it's difficult
But after all
Difficult is no excuse

So let's talk about love
Let's talk about forgiveness
Let's talk about sanctuary
Let's talk about comfort
Let's talk about escape
Let's talk about freedom
Let's talk about what you need right now
And let's talk about doing something about it
That's my God

A shallow breath,
A gentle tone,
Sustained,
Ringing out,
Calling the trees,
Whose ears bend to hear,
Subtle harmonies,
Growing,
Calling the hills,
Whose eyes close to hear,
More clearly,
The song,
Calling the earth,
Who stirs the sleeping seeds,
So they too,
Can hear,
The calling chimes,
Asking the world to smile,
As they resonate,
So easily,
And sing their metallic song.

In between the presents and the
shallow hopes for snow
and remembering the "more than presents"
nature of it all
a sense of relief, that we needed this,
that we can all stop, finally, worrying,
at least for a few days, it becomes natural
to ignore all the difficulties, all the stress,
and just smile, as if nothing is wrong.

Its eye locks on mine,
A tiny bead,
Resting between the smooth tiles of its skin.

Its head tilts towards me,
A flicker of tongue,
Swiftly tasting the baking air.

Its tail twitches to one side,
A wave down its length,
So precisely positioning the delicate limb.

Its body twists a little,
Toes spread apart,
As it clings to the sandy brick.

Its skin pulses,
Appearing like silk,
As each breath moves those scales beneath the sunlight.

Life can be cruel,
Life can tear you apart,
Life can take your heart in its hands and crush it with the slightest of breaths,
Life can knock you down with a single finger,
Life can push you off the edge,
Life can burn your soul,
Life can punish you for doing the right thing,
But the thing is,
More often than not,
It doesn't

The dark is leaving,
Sunrise is here,
Time to sleep.

No!

I will never allow the dark
To outshine the light!
Not again.

When shadows were my candles,
My eyelids my comfort,
The night my day,
It only took time,
For my blood to become my tears,
And hope for death to become my life,
But no more!

Never again.

Light has returned,
Sunrise is here,
Time to wake.

Lost in translation
The fire, passion, hunger,
Reduced to charcoal.

Opinions formed on popular belief,
Uninformed campaigns,
Self-destructive protests,
An anger born from hatred that won't fade,
Right intentions fall prey to tricksters,
Success assumed too soon,
Life boiled down to laws that need to change,
But people are set in firmer stone,
And even when their petty arguments and outrage
Is chipped away, they cling on to their rock,
Judgement, greed, distorted views,
Cling like limpets to a ship's hull,
And shallow words barely nudge at their shells,
Our minds are set too soon,
Stubbornness fills us like concrete,
Holding back generations.

The swelling rocks boats in harbours
As the life-giver's anger builds
Though the skies are clear, the water roars
And starts to punish our homes
A lucky few scramble onto rooftops
But for most there is no time to act
Their bodies caught up in the raging ocean
As our protector becomes our downfall
The liquid flows, unstoppable and unforgiving
Plucking soul after soul from life
Babies cry as they are ripped from the arms of their mothers
Mothers cry as the light of their life is blotted out so easily
Husbands cry because they cannot save their love from death
Even the children realise that this is no game
They do not cry
They go silent and close their eyes
They wish the water away
But wishes are not enough
Lives are crushed in an instant of misfortune
Even the survivors have little prospects remaining
To rebuild seems impossible
When the foundations you build on are destroyed
But rebuild they did, to an extent
Over time the wounds cut so suddenly began to heal
But the trauma, the fear, the certainty of your own death
That will never fade.

Listen to me then,
All who say it makes no sense,
All who "can't understand",
Listen to me then,
Maybe if you'd just care,
For a second long enough to,
Listen to me then,
And hear me tell you clearly,
You don't get it? OK, so,
Listen to me then!
And I don't mean watch my lips,
Form the words, you need to,
Listen to me then,
You might take in what I mean,
If you actually just,
Listen to me then,
Listen to yourself.

She loved to quickly and fell too far,
Little care taken for that little heart,
Beating so strong, so furious still,
Though now limp and leaking,
Ripped and ragged
From one loss after
Another.

She tries to keep smiling just as before
But her lips were spat out again, onto the floor,
She followed then, soaked with rain and tears,
Her trust tackled,
Quivering, quarter-hearted,
And pulse fading so
Fast.

Those red petals,
Floating from balconies,
Like the leaves in autumn,
Or blossoms of spring,
Dyed in deep crimson,
Blood.

Each worth thousands,
Of lives,
Lost over hundreds,
Of years,
To the hands of,
War.

As days grow long
I make my nights longer
Grabbing at every inch of pointless time

As skies turn blue
I hide inside
To keep away malicious eyes

As pressure fades
I stress myself
Filling my mind with unlikely goals

As night falls
I've failed again
So I sleep with reluctance once more

He walks in,
First word in your head,
Judges immediately,
Based on what?
Some predetermined law?
The assumption that,
As you have been taught,
What he looks like is,
What she feels like is,
Wrong.
Maybe the way she walks,
Or how she smiles,
Casts doubts,
But you ignore,
All you see is him.
Please,
Look for her.

My child, has it been long enough?
Can you see me yet?
For so long, I wait,
To spare you from tears,
I let you move on at your pace,
I ignore my needs,
You need me more than ever now,
So why would I deny you that?
Take my hand,
Remember I am here,
No matter how dark it is,
No matter how well-hidden you are,
I will search for you,
I will find you,
And I will bring you back,
I will let you learn to live without her,
So that maybe you could teach me,
I will support you,
I will avoid the subject,
Or talk it through,
For as long as you want,
As many times as you need,
Just promise me,
You will look at me,
And see me,
Not a replacement for her.

There is nothing I can do for her,
Her eyes glistening with tears,
Her sobs echoing through my heart,
I left too early,
Far too soon,
But I had no choice.

I trust him to care for her,
For long enough that she might move on,
That she might remember how to smile,
Without me,
Holding her hand,
Her life is now her choice.

I will always care for her,
A child who knows more pain than I,
Who knows more pain than most,
Her youth ended,
Long before,
She had outlived innocence.

Perhaps she will be stronger,
For learning to deal with despair now,
So that she will keep smiling later,
And lead the most,
Beautiful life,
That she truly deserves.

Look forward my darling,
Don't forget me,
Know that I am still with you,
For as long as you need,
Keep smiling.
Live, and love living.

Our time together,
Passed far too quickly,
But in so little,
You taught me so much,
Some of it bad,
Most of it good,
You showed me,
How to be myself,
Gave me confidence,
Gave me trust,
Proved that I could care,
Proved that I could cope,
You built me up,
To a point where I could,
Lie down next to my mother,
And tell her my secrets,
Secrets I had never told,
That I thought I would never tell,
But needed to be said,
Maybe that time was clouded,
By the arguments and stubbornness,
But you were my first Valentine,
And you made me happy,
I will never forget that,
And what means the most,
Is how you put my happiness before your own,
Even after we were over.

What I'm really trying to say is this:
Thank you.

Another barrier gone
And finally, my lies can end,
For five days a week
And two afternoons
I can be comfortable,
Happy,
Safe in my skin,
I can sing and write
Of wings and dresses
Of being weak and loving it
Of looking in a mirror
And seeing me looking back
Free to dance and giggle
And look sweet, look cute,
Look pretty
And be unafraid
To feel pretty too
To smile at the world
With the giddy joy of a child
For this is my start,
This is my beginning,
I am May,
And I am a confident,
free, pretty and happy
Girl.

As the hours slip past,
And I lose my chance at sleep,
Dark becomes my home.

Have I truly known loss?
Death is yet to plague me or the people I love,
Those decaying claws are yet to rip through my blurred horizons,
I am yet to hear the rasping breath on the back of my feeble neck,
That whispers: "It's over"

Betrayal has made its mark,
But more often I felt their icy hands diving through my chest before those talons could grasp my heart,
I found that even when my preconceived ideals grew to be false,
Slowly building a barbed cage around me,
I was able to turn on my heel and leave the way I came: Trust.

My heart has broken just once,
The two halves healed,
The serrated blade with which love carved my soul left only superficial wounds,
To restore my heart I needed little more than time,
And one other medicine: Friendship.

Despair,
I wish I'd never known you,
Your inviting arms were laced with poisons,
Loneliness, self-loathing and hopelessness fed on my brain,
Removing emotions with grotesque precision,
But you too we're defeated easily: I am better now.

In the end I lost no more than I gained,
But each possession felt more precious as they were ripped away,
But what I have come to realise is that my perception of what loss is has been warped,
And now the years of anguish and pointless tears seem all the more meaningless.
Who am I to complain when others have far greater loads than me?
Even those who helped me are weighed down by much heavier burdens,
So now I have found a new goal:
Prove that loss did not win.

I've forgotten how to flow.
To seamlessly merge one line with the next,
Was once second-nature to me,
But now I have lost that,
Replaced with disjunction.
Disconnected thoughts that,
Just.
Won't.
Fit together in any kind of,
Harmony or even agreement.
Perhaps what I've said all along,
Has destroyed me too:
Poetry is the bleeding of the soul,
Through the hand,
Onto paper.
But when the soul is confused,
Angry,
Discontent with itself,
It follows that words won't,
Follow on like they used to.
This could be the most honest,
Expression of my mind I've written,
For a long time,
Because I am not thinking,
I am not binding myself to structure,
Or a theme,
Or an image.
I'm just writing,
Hoping that perhaps something,
At least a little meaningful,
Will be portrayed,
Displayed,
Maybe even admired,
If luck smiles on these weary hands.
I have never endeavoured to find myself through words,
I prefer to be lost for words,
For the sake of poetry,
I can stop worrying,
Just.
For.
A minute about who I am,
Lose my inhibitions and scream,
Scream onto the page or screen,
That I am still alive,
And I need not know more than that.
So perhaps worrying about flow is pointless,
Because perhaps that's just where I am at the moment,
Somewhere a little less fluid,
A bit rougher.
And as I've reminded myself in tough times:
Pens write better on a hard surface.

I tried to find happiness
I tried to find peace
I tried, so hard, to find love
But in the end
It seems that I prefer
To lose everything
So I can build it up again
So why protest?
Take it all
My soul, my words, my music
Let me start again
So I can find the truth behind it all
Let me throw away my life
So I can craft a different me
Let my heart melt
So I can cast a new one of flesh
Instead of iron
For they can search all they want
But it won't change the fact
That I don't want to be found

We know we have to hide
Every time we go outside
Just because we're the only ones like us
And we don't know who's on our side

And we've waited far too long
To stand up and say it's wrong
So now it's time to speak up and draw the line
Break the walls and sing our own song

We've put up with a world of hate
People think that that's okay
When we try to fight for our own side
We're the enemy, people say

But who we are will never change
What we believe will never fade
We've come so far, we're here to stay
We'll be free

We won't lose heart, we're not afraid
We just want the right to stay the same
Show our love in our own way
Love is all we need

Hate always seems to be on the attack,
But if it had won,
It would not need to.
When we say "Love always wins",
We forget that love has already won,
We are defending the victory.

We are the guardians of a stronghold
Built without walls.
We are the keepers of a fort
Protecting hope.
We are the torchbearers
Keeping the flame burning.

Yes, love has been driven out of some hearts,
Yes, dark has descended on some corners of this world,
But the billions of hearts beating for truth
Far outweigh even hearts of stone
Love has won,
So let's keep singing,
Let's keep dancing,
And win again everyday.

I met you today,
With you I am complete,
Relaxed,
Free.

I've been waiting so long,
But finally you're here,
And I'm happy,
Content,
Comfortable,
Me.

A silver back, with gold above,
It glints in foreign sun,
Purest but still, blackened outside,
Until scratched away to show the shine,
It smokes from inside and burns at touch,
Until the crackling stops,
And it becomes nothing more than,
A lump of metal.

Am I afraid?
Or just looking for an excuse,
To be someone else,
Someone stronger,
Braver,
Able to face up to,
Face up against,
The hand of hardship,
Ignore hate within,
And escape from,
Fear of herself.

Shimmered clouds drip from green needles,
Hanging between the air,
Twisting to follow their jade guide,
And frozen in fine mist,
Clinging to each silver line,
Held in place,
Reinforced into shining wheels,
Soft as air, strong as steel,
Shaken by shallow breath,
A firm grip made fragile.