I started out,
Young and free,
I saw the world's simplicity,
I played with my trains,
And my sister's dolls,
As my naïve self had not yet been told,
"These are for girls,"
"These are for boys,"
"Don't play with her's, these are your toys,"
And as I grew up,
Movies were seen,
And we made up games of what we saw on the screen,
No one, not once,
Noticed when I chose,
To play the characters who wore pretty clothes,
I was an odd mix,
Though nobody saw,
That this was just the start, so much else left in store.
Then STOP.
...
This bit's hard to tell,
It filled me with tears and sent me to hell.
Cruel fate decided,
To bring into view,
The one who caused more pain than I was due,
For six long years,
I looped and cycled,
Through pain, fear, regret and downright suicidal,
I stopped sleeping,
For fear of my dreams,
And reality began bursting its seams,
At the end of those years,
I prepared for the end,
I readied the way for me to descend,
Then STOP.
...
A message that saved,
To which I owe the rest of my days,
I started piano,
Remembered to write,
Made a film which turned out alright,
Played in a band,
For a year or two,
Visited Paris with the musical crew,
A girl I met there,
Became a best friend,
And showed me a website which helped me no end,
Then after a slip up,
We became more,
Now someone else for me to care for,
She persuaded me,
To try and write a book,
In a single month, with any luck,
Then three days later,
She ended our bond,
Breaking us up in music room one,
It knocked me off balance,
Shaked me up a bit,
But a few weeks later, my first real hit,
A poem a day,
I pledged to produce,
And through regular words began to deduce,
More of myself,
Revealed over time,
Mostly with rhythm, rarely rhyme,
Then another girl,
Came into the mix,
Didn't last long as the hurt wouldn't fix,
Then something happened,
I didn't really think,
In trying to help I made our hearts sink,
Then STOP.
...
I realised at last,
That there was more to me than I'd said in the past,
A second soul,
Of female design,
Is living inside this heart of mine,
My best friend then,
Gave her a name,
And so, to the world, I introduced May,
To my surprise,
I faced little resistance,
At least until I went the full distance,
I revealed to some,
Hid from others,
But worst of all, telling my father and mother,
One particular friend,
Supported, not judged,
And the friendship we had soon became love,
Of course there was,
More to it than that,
But I could talk for hours about her and "Hold Back",
Exams and revision,
Stole away my days,
All of the time started running away,
Then they were done,
And summer came,
They're finally here, those lazy days,
I'll be honest,
My life hasn't been great,
But I've got though it all and I can deal with hate,
So bring it on!
Let's add another page,
To the book which details my thoughts at each age.