She numbed the pain without needles

My mirror seems angry with me

Slept alone, awoke to familiar eyes.

I never knew loneliness... until you

Overwhelmed underpaid, looks down at pavement.

Beside a well waiting for rain.

I find you reflected on the surface
The weather is warm bright and sweet
But sunk in the depths of the abyss
My heart's in a maelstrom beneath

And the water is crushingly cold
And dancing light mocks from the sky
But here in the shadows vice hold
I search but you're nowhere nearby.

I need you to step off the waves
To where no living thing can survive
Prove to me you can still save
I'll hold my breath til' you dive

Words do not a writer make
Nor poems nouns or prose
But the heart that breaks for breaking sake
Beyond calling Rose a rose

It's not the nouns or adjectives
Or strings of sappy lines
It's seeing love where nothing lives
And seeing darkness shine

A writer sees beyond the words
But sees the great divide
Between what heart says and what is heard
Never satisfied

A writer does not fill the page
With words that others need
But the page the page is the stage
Where their emotion bleeds

Of the things I think a writer holds
You may disagree
But if your heart is moved to words so bold
A writer you may be

I'm not the man I used to be
You're not the one who fell for me
We're not the people we once were

You stare at me like broken glass
You see through me the hours pass
We're not the people we once were

But back through the cracks through the blight of the scars
What lack brought her back to the slight of these arms
You fight the shadow you hold the shards
You light the window you hold the stars
And they shine through me
And my mind's true free
A thousand rainbows gleam lighting that wall
A thousand shadows mean nothing at all

When he heard he would see her again
His eyes were clouds in the sun
Until the moment had come
And the sky turned gloomy
He saw her, and the wind filled his red sails
But they snagged like nails on the mast
When he remembered the past
Ripped from leech to tack
And there came the rain.
And he turned away
The red ran down in drops
He turned away
And his joy stopped
Turned away
by the storm, he just couldn't stay
Away

I'm searching for light in the shadows
Beyond where light ever goes
Because it's easier to look for it
Than to be blinded looking at it

There is nothing in here worth saving
Nothing worth taking or leaving
But I can't let go
I can't just go

Because there in the stillness
There in the panic and illness
I find me
A lost me

But it is still me in the mess
Just ignore the ssilent hiss and rest
Knowing I am
What I am

Because you are beyond my scars
You are beyond my stars
In your own shadow
Looking for windows

To send light into the dark of me

I'm gonna sing a song
On the roof in the rain
In keys that are wrong
So everyone can say

That boy's crazy
Always was
But I'll do it anyway
Because just because

I'm gonna lie awake
And draw you in lines
In the dark that shakes
In the back of my mind

That boy's crazy
Always was
But I'll do it anyway
Because just because

I'll stare out the window
Beside the door
Remembering the shadow
That's not there anymore

That boy's crazy
Always was
But I'll do it anyway
Because just because

Some days I watch you sleep.
Hair like wispy clouds
Face blank as a blue sky
And your breath like the sea
Warm on my skin
Before your tomorrow begins
I watch you dream your yesterday,
Tomorrow and forever.
In an instant.
That dream fades, like a sunset.
And you wake up, grumpy little squall.
And my day begins.

Im fighting for the energy,
That I need to be me.
But it's tiring to be,
Where I can't,
Even decide,
What I am
Supposed
To be.
Be
Me.

Be a thief and rob my sin
Your squatting my heart anyway
My rebel chief, usurp my king
I never liked me anyway

Be my jealous one and cull my lust
Until my heart beats for you
The surgeon I place my eyes and trust
That you'll blind all else from view

Be the thorn in my weary flesh
When the spirit is willing to work
Be the scorn that will refresh
When my heart is about to shirk

Be the door closed when I want my way
Over the the path you've trod
Be my fatal dose when my faith might sway
And when life's over be my God.

I know that you test the heart.
And you can see mine's hurt and scarred.
And your hands are roughened up
From carrying my cross.

I can see you reaching in.
Through my chest beneath the skin.
It's uncomfortable to feel
My scars against your scars

Cause yours were for me,
Shed on the cross so I could be free.
And mine were for you.
Running away from what you want me to do.
And it's ripped and bleeding
Desperately sick
I'm deceived beyond dreaming
God make it quick
And stop my breaking heart

And you say it will be fine.
That this will make you mine.
That my open chest
Is the way you come inside

But this is so uncomfortable
Kneeling at this table
Feeling you touching
Every scar inside
Hoping i will come alive

Cause yours were for me,
Shed on the cross so I could be free.
And mine were for you.
Running away from what you want me to do.
And it's ripped and bleeding
Desperately sick
I'm deceived beyond dreaming
God make it quick
And stop my breaking heart

The mirror is broken
And I don't know why
The pieces are stained in red

And it seems the reflection
From the shards left by
Match the image left in my head

Was it one too many failures
One too many falls
Or too much compromise?

Was it that I took a leisurely
Lazy call
With consequences I didn't realize?

Now my eyes can't see themselves
All they see is shadows
And no one really sees a shadow
Until it looks back at themself

I see my shadow in my reflection
And I'm afraid of the dark

There is a brush stroke in the sunrise,
A pencil line around moon.
There's a bar code in your eyes,
But we never notice it too soon.

I'm falling he said looking away
Distance in his eyes
I asked him if it was love or dismay
And to my surprise, he said both

With a smile that could only bring tears
He sighed and looked me in the eye
And I caught a glimpse of it through the fear
The hope he could not deny

He would not be the mistakes
That made his voice shake
He would not succumb
To the fear that made him numb

He made himself a promise
To be strong, and make courage his form
And that this, this was not his end.
But just life's journey's bend.

I his comforter was comforted to know,
All I had to do for him to grow
Was sit in silence,
While he decided his future.

Amazed at the man my boy had become.
And the boy who sat by his side.

I hear the stars sing
And still the night with song
A song so loud
It makes the world still

And as the cold wind blows
The warmth I feel
Is warmer than the sun
Or a lover's arms

And their light leaves the night
Dark and cool
But fills my eyes with a light
Only those who look deep enough can see

I hear the stars
And whisper back
And wonder through the void
If they hear me

I fell asleep in a dream
And woke where I was from
A place beyond the seams
Of forever and beyond

Where light was a song
And water a light
And life was a metaphor
For joy and delight

I fell asleep to the world
And woke from a dream
To find the world unheard
Untouched unseen

A mist un-missed
On the mountain of dream
Where I exist and belong
And yet have never been

Out of the wasteland others call paradise
I am a pilgrim journeying to death
With smooth hands and tired eyes
My sails are trimmed to breathe my last breath

Because home is beyond any shore my roaming can reach
A dream lost while adrift at sea
So I'll roam and dredge no more the depths I can't breach
I'll float across as my sails fly free

Every string that you cut off
You say prunes but I'm no vine
I'm feeling off and out of tune and out of time

Cause all I have is your song
And when the last string is gone
Only dissonance and distance
Echo on echo on echo on

Every instrument you send to play with mine
It outshines, until shadows are the only place to hide,
And I'm inside

Cause all I have is your song
And when the last friend is gone
Only dissonance and distance
Echo on echo on echo on

When the last string is straining, fading, snap,
Will you clap, will applause or pause fill the wake,
Will you take another broken instrument
That failed to play the song you meant
Will you re-write the last movement
So only the song that you meant
Echoes on Echoes on Echoes on

I found a piece I lost of me
In a songs release I found a key
So high it opened doors in me
Set a trapped note in my heart free

And every word flows over us
Over flows at the chorus
And something lost has come
Come to life from an anthem

And I am never as before
I am the encore

In a room full of enemies
Including yours truly
Even when truly sometimes I’m not even yours

You speak of me fondly
And call me by name
You blame me for beauty and love for your cause

But love like an ocean
Is nearer than shadows
From my shallow stream that runs dry by your sea

Your thunder will deepen
This rain deep affection
And deep connects deep as you flow out of me.

Collapsible lungs
Bendable fingers
Removable teeth
But the pain still lingers
It feels like we weren't made long for this world.

Pluckable eyes
Breakable jaws
If we look past the lies
We know it's because
We know we weren't made long for this world

Carve up your pound of flesh
Take from me my last breath
Cause I'm a stitched up limping mess
And only you can cure my death

Inflatable pride
Debatable truth
Preferable lies
Reimbursable youth
I know I'm not made long for this world.

Surrendered pride
Rendered truth
We rended light
Cause the darkness is cool
I know you weren't long for this world

I Carved up your pound of flesh
Stole from you your last breath
You were a limping bleeding mess
And you carried off my death

The transaction was made
But no one but me
Could say fair trade
And walk away ungrieved
I don't deserve to be long for his world
I don't deserve to be long for his world

Rub me clean down to skin,
Raw and i'll ruin,
With sweat i'll chafe black indeed
Scrub me cleaner and I'll bleed

Chain me until
Marks bleed still
And I will sing
Until bars swing

Beat me until I am silent
I will be violent
With my eyes above
And hands that love

I will never be white
I will never be held
I will never be quiet
Until your hatred is felled

Her eyes are like the threads in a sweater when you looked close enough to see.
Warm and brown and beautiful.
And when she looked at me, on the coldest December.
The cold would melt away, and I'd feel warm.
Even in a storm.
Her eyes would warm.
And her smile would shine
And send shivers down my spine.
I've never been so warm and cold at the same time

As the drizzle begins
The butterfly hides
Because paper
Cannot glide
When wet
Fall

When the clouds roll storms come
We put pain aside
Cold makes us numb
And pain dies
Forget
All

You held me in your hands
When you knew I was poison
Because you were my reason

When I told you to let go
You held tighter knuckles whiter
Than the winter snow

But when I needed you most
When I asked you to stay
You took your last sip
And gave me away.

I slid between the days
Hid the unseen ways
I touched your face
A rushed embrace

All that I'm here left with
Is to fall for the theft this
Is not worth goodbye
It's a shot to the sky

Flying with no trail
Falling without sails
No burst of light
Just Goodbye
Falling into this
Calling the abyss
Looking for light
Just goodbye

Time slips like rain
Time grips like pain
I can't close my eyes
I chose the lies

That maybe this won't last
Baby this will pass
But lies don't stay
You've gone away

Flying with no trail
Falling without sails
No burst of light
Just Goodbye
Falling into this
Calling the abyss
Looking for light
Just goodbye

And so we glide on by we close our eyes
And say you will be missed
And the miles role by and the tears will dry
But I can only promise this.

When your flying with no trail
Falling without sails
Remember my eyes
When you said Goodbye
Falling into this
Lost in the abyss
Looking for light
Only finding goodbye.
My life lost some light.
When you said goodbye.

Laying down stones,
Building up walls
First comes the temple,
It's not that tall

Invest in foundations that nobody sees
I hope it's enough to get you to me

I have a thousand lovers
You're the only one I want
From a thousand vices
You're the only good I won't
I know they're bad for me, and you're really good
At setting me free from all that I would, not loose...
When i'm this broke, give me the grace not to choose.

Here in my mansion
The walls are so high
You need Jacob's ladder
Just to get inside

There's a hundred rooms just to explore
Ignore the thousands where I've locked the door

You need a place
Take mine
If you need a voice
Take mine
If you take me
In every moment
I might not give myself away

There is something depraved
That cannot be saved
Deeply enslaves
Makes us cave
And crave
Graves

Harmonics in the heavens
We’re waiting here again
For you to speak between the lines that blur where we begin
Your voice it roars like lions
Echoes out like a flood
My voice is drowned beneath the water muddled thick as blood

Oh
My spirit groans
Oh
No words to say
Oh
I know you know
No
One can take that away

There comes the dischords (sin)
Singing of our disgrace (grace)
Grace is your re-word to resolve all of our mistakes
You introduce a phrase
Your music set in words
So beautiful it comes alive and cannot be unheard

Oh
My spirit groans
Oh
Don’t know what to say
Oh
I know you know
No
One can take that away

Harmonics in the heavens
We’re waiting here again
For you to speak between the lines that blur where we begin

Hello my heart of hearts
Why do you scream at the stars
Do you not know that they cannot hear you
They are far too far

Why do you hold to these sorrows of sorrows
Why do you rage against yourself?

Give up, There is nothing good in you, What is wrong with you, So ******* useless.

Heart of hearts this will not do.
That simple sorrows would rise this tide
And wash away the joy inside.

Remember small battles and losses mean naught.
They are the shadows between the stars,
That we trace behind our eyes.

Heart of hearts, if you believe this truth.
You will be the sky of skies.
That gravity cannot help but let fly.

In every heart there is a pane of glass
That separates the open from the closed
Where people come, from where no one goes
From where the sun shines to where nothing grows

Crack

From one side the light reflects
And we see ourselves like a mirror
But as the light and image grows clearer
We have to turn away for fear

Crack crack

We retreat behind the glass
Still we see beyond the pane
But no reflection remains
Only separation and pain

Crack crack crack

And the world becomes muddled
Words are barely heard
Everyone outside seems blurred
And it's quiet, yet stirred

Shattered

And everyone leaning against falls in
So we can fall out, and the glass cracks skin
And stains but at least there is no heart pane

When I was lost in my way
You knew the day you would call me son
Like the son who ran away
You faithfully stayed cause’ you knew I'd come

You waited for me,
So here I am waiting for you.

Every moment so far has drawn me to your arms
You've worked it all for the good
Every moment that's left I give back to pay a debt
I can't make good on
Cause all I can give, is all you have given
When I give it all back there's still heaven left to pay
So I can gladly give my life away

When I felt orphaned
Abandoned and knew that I had no home
Your love was open
A love that awakened a love all our own

You made room for me
So I am clearing space for you.

Every moment so far has drawn me to your arms
You've worked it all for the good
Every moment that's left I give back to pay a debt
I can't make good on
Cause all I can give, is all you have given
When I give it all back there's still heaven left to pay
So I can gladly give my life away

When my hopes are broken
When I can't lift my hands to you
When my heart is aching
And darkness is all that's in view

I look to the cross
And I see you broken
I look to the cross
I see your hands lifted high
Praying for me
In your final moments
Your heart poured out
Your love lifted high

Here I surrender
Here I lay my life down
Here on the altar
I give you my love lay down my crown

You gave your life for me
So here I give my life for you

Every moment so far has drawn me to your arms
You've worked it all for the good
Every moment that's left I give back to pay a debt
I can't make good on
Cause all I can give, is all you have given
When I give it all back there's still heaven left to pay
So I can gladly give my life away

If you're looking for me
I'm not here anymore
Go back to the place
You found me before

It's all in the details
I heard somebody lied
All I heard was a hiss
Now I'm dead inside

Can you find me
Can you find me
Can you find me
I'm hiding here

Now it's been so long
Waiting to be found
I might as well be buried
6 feet under ground

I am feeling you digging
You better be find me soon
Cause my death is growing
And it will soon bloom

Can't you find me
Can't you find me
Can't you find me
I'm dying here

If I ran to the ends of the morning
You would surely be there
But I'm covered in the black of the night
And it feels like you disappear

Where can I run from your presence?
Where can a mere mortal hide?
When you took all my sinfulness
And laid it bear on the cross crucified

There you'll find me
There you'll find me
There you'll find me
I was forgiven here

If you're looking for me
I'm not here anymore
Go back to the place
You found me before

I fell in love with the walls around your heart
An elaborate maze, a work of art
So high no one could climb
So deep no one could find

You

Never counted on an architect
Finding your masterpiece perfect
And wandering the corridors
Walking every floor

My

Heart leading me deeper
Pulled not by the design any longer
But by the heart crumbling as I walked through
I came to a door and I knew

You

Were inside,
Our hearts collide
Our walls collapsed in
But you were wrapped in

Me

No more walls just skin
Roofs of hugs and chins
That the rain drips down
As you hold your ground

We

Are standing vulnerable and same
Troubled and strange
But now I know your name
That wall won't change

It's more beautiful than anything you ever built.
Because it is who you are.

Your eyes are the sweetest kiss of all
Your smiles are the brightest list of small
sweet thing, that keep me singing
And stringing musicals out in the rain

It's the kiss in the touch of your hand
In the cookies burned in the baking pan
crying one batch went bad
But I see you're not sad over coffee and cards

You're the gasoline to my spark
The sand to my toes
The ravine in my heart
That nobody knows
You're the river that carves out
The shivers and doubt
And finds that the ocean can wait
Buried in sky we're satisfied -high on our fate

You remember the words I forgot
That December my heart was in knots
that it tied down the three words
I'd known you deserved but you let it go

I remember the letters I burned
The tear etched pages I turned
Around into long-winded prose
For my long distance hopes in your arms

You're the scene to my art
The sand to my toes
The ravine in my heart
That nobody knows
You're the river that carves out
The shivers and doubt
And finds that the ocean can wait
Buried in sky we're satisfied - high on our fate.

I am the line on the road
White black and grey
Isolated from the way
As I guide others home

I am the traffic light
That turns of at night
Because I cannot stop or go
Amber in the cold

I am the path
Less traveled for the wrath
Of wind and storms
That longs for a foots warmth

I am where others roam
And I am never home
I am the place none but the poor stay
I am the highway

Your my highway girl,
I'm your backroad boy,
And you've become my joy

But when you see jet trails
your heart longs for rails
And steel and carriage wheels

And your mind takes wing
And your feet sing
For places they have never been

And I'm here hoping
That the trails on my arms
And the tales in my mind

Will be too much
To touch
And leave behind

So if you'll pack your bags
Put me in too
Cause home isn't home
Unless I'm home with you.

Oh thunders roll and stormy sprays
Weigh down my soul and doubt prevails
But your control like sunny days
Rise in me like the morning
It is your love that's dawning

Each flooding grief my heart can brace
Relief the thief cannot erase
It is belief and sovereign grace
That rises like the morning
Your love in me is dawning

Death's shadow looms and strength retreats
Under the gloom of pain complete
But from my doom, death shall retreat
I'll rise up like the morning
Your life in me is dawning

Death doubt and strife, filled to the brim
Was all drunk dry, and died so grim
So life on life I'll rise in Him
And rise up like the morning
Your light in me is dawning

With three words we give our hearts away,
To people who hold it lighter than a word on the ear.
Lighter than a whisper.

With three words we give our lives away,
When people echo those three words strong and clear.
And hold each word dear.

With three words on one dark day,
We will give those lives away with words heavier than rain.
That fall in puddles on deaf ears.

With three words every day,
We will remember them with joy and pain.
Until they wake us with three words whispered in our ear.

I remember
His heart on his shoulder
He made faces as he brushed his teeth in the mirror.
He stopped everytime he saw someone in pain
Cause it made his heart numb as blood flowed through his veins

He would sing in the shower
And dance in the rain
And make fun of the hours that others complained
His room was a mess but his mind was a fairy tale

He wrote poems on the roof
And sang to the sky
He'd play music at night and try not to cry
Cause the heart and the hands that he longed for had passed him by

He was lonely but in time
He would find that others cared
He was brave but always scared of others seeing what's behind
And his smile wasn't just a wall
But a battle call.
For all of his flaws, he was sincere enough to fall
And I miss him most of all

When he was alone
He'd talk to himself
And dream about living life as an elf,
And he never told anyone what he really felt
If he taught it would make them like him any less

And he thought that they'd laugh at him behind his back,
And that nobody cared but his heart would not crack,
he believed in the people who never believed in him.

He was lonely but in time
He would find that others cared
He was brave but always scared of others seeing what's behind
And his smile wasn't just a wall
But a battle call.
For all of his flaws, he was sincere enough to fall
And I miss him most of all.

He was always others,
But never his own
Their opinions and ideas were hearts on his throne
And he believed they were good
Even though he'd never believe they could love him.

He was lonely but in time
He would find that others cared
He was brave but always scared of others seeing what's behind
And his smile wasn't just a wall
But a battle call.
For all of his flaws, he was sincere enough to fall
And I miss him most of all.

You took one step closer
and two steps back
well if it's over
you can't go back

Look over your shoulder
It's still a fact
When it's over
You can't go back

Who do you think you are
Who do you think you scarred
Who do you think fell for who
Who do they say I am
You'll never understand
Just who walked away from whom

I took one step closer
Two steps back
Still going nowhere
That's a fact

Ooh I'm never gonna get home

One step closer
To where I was
Still going nowhere that's because
Ooh... I know I've never been home

Who do you think you are
Who do you think you scarred
Who do you think is falling for who
Who do they say I am
You'll never understand
Just who walked away from whom

One step closer
Two steps back
Still going nowhere
That's a fact

Ooh I'm never gonna get home
You're never gonna get home
We're never gonna get home

I'm waiting for a city where the broken
Are windows that let the light in
Where the pressed are the sweetest wine
Where the torn are stitched into Him
Where the lost are the street signs

Where the economy is grace
Where unity is race
And the currency of mercy
Is minted in every soul

Because every citizen is whole

Our gates open
Our tears dry
Our chains broken
Our joys rise

And never fall
A City, The City, YOur City for all