Miserable and unmotivated,
Mood swings from time to time,
Lying, it has evolved daily.
I can’t control myself the same way anymore,
I’m discovering a new side to myself,
I proclaim that space is what will cure this pain,
However, that’s not the claim.
That unfamiliar side that remains,
Is the one that nobody seems to understand,
They’re getting tired of me;
Bored.
I wish I could reach out,
Nah, I’d probably just freak them, like hell.
I call them friends,
Nowadays,
They’re merely as important to me.
Quick judgments, slow reaction times,
If they ever need assistance,
I’m always available.
If the tables turn, role switches,
I’d be let down,
Yet again.
The irony resides here,
Trust within myself no longer exists,
Entirety has been reduced to half of a whole,
I’m a worthless piece of —
So sick of being misused,
Treated differently, and most importantly,
Never fully acknowledged of.
You notice my presence when you want,
Not when you can.
Your effort is only being wasted,
Referencing me as a “friend”,
Just an acquaintance,
Actually, a stone cold stranger that wants nothing to do with anyone or anything.

To be blessed ,
favored and protected by the environment,
selected and isolated from your social groupings,
To be blessed is to synthesize what truly has meaning in life and self-meditate with the sake of life’s pace.
Before falling asleep, resting, force the mental to remain awake,
processing and breaking apart the information given today,
despite the fact that time wasn’t kind, brief or even prolonged; make it the moral commitment to self-reflect.
Make a correction if your answer is wrong; the fabrication of a scripture,
Make sure, for certain, that all the totaled scores calculate to a certain percentage,
Affirmed, scolded or ruled by another to convey your defined truth as inaccurate, almost there or rarely ample.
Time is allotted, effortless and to be taught a lesson is a blessing,
Space is limited, given and to be bestowed the gift of building is the set up version of a lesson, a shell of a blessing.

For being a brave, courageous soul,
In society’s eyes, your worth becomes devalued,
By the players that act like they know me,
Pretend and put on a show for everyone to see,
That he or she “cares”, “treats”, and “loves” me.
How could you be so careless with your decision-making,
Tell me why I told you a couple days ago,
We aren’t supposed to be on speaking terms at the moment,
Yet, that won’t stop my finger from sliding left and accepting your phone call request,
Very specific, detailed and to the point,
I’m going to remain frank and show you the truth.
I know you’re used to meddling with good people’s hearts,
But, that won’t stop you from proceeding,
Eventually, you’ll quit pursuing the person who’s distant.
Why is the question you may ask,
But the real inquiry here is why must you persist, to commit , to think for even a second that person gives?
Meanwhile, they’re taking you for granted and pushing you to the curb,
Always distant, cold like the winter breeze,
Remaining too friendly with the people they claim to be the “homies”,
We both know what’s real,
Fate tells we weren’t meant to be,
Instead of living in the moment,
We pictured it.
Never did the things we’d always say we would,
Never achieved what was dreamed of with you and me.
Not to be seen as a negative, narccistic person,
But wanting to be understand to the fullest extent,
Even when we’re faced with the greatest doubts,
We’ll stay oblivious to the obvious things.

When upset, it’s relieving to hear the voices in my head,
The whispers guide my deranged mind to the intentions of never fixing situations,
Instead, it takes me to the land of make believe,
Where I live and continue to repeat,
The cycle of excuses to conceal the history of reality.
Battle wounds and scars pierce right through me,
Viewing the ghost within,
I keep my distance from those attempting to come in.
Time and patience will help me heal from the internal pain they say,
However, I confide in ghosting, while disregarding the feeling of void in my heart.
I remain blind to the difference of things,
Self expression, communication and social integrity make it difficult for me to see,
The truth in where liars lie.
But still, I persist,
Despite the fact that in all forms of reality, I’m struggling.
I attempt to pretend like life is going good and my mentality is okay,
This guilt only allows my body to relapse yet again.
Unintentionally and subconsciously, I’m hurting,
The people who “care” for me.
Instantaneously, the late hours control my eyes to remain wide awake,
Oftentimes, I go numb enough to not speak,
I stray away from the support team behind me,
In order to, stay away from the demon externally taking a hold of me.
Soul is too open to close,
Bones and touch are too cold to take,
It’s true, our ends were never meant to mend,
Due to my expectations of plans never set in place.

My night plans appear restless,
The feeling of independence,
It ***** to hear,
Having the people who claim they’ll always be there for you, not prove their worth to you
It hurts, it makes you feel bad.
But, your feelings don’t matter to that person anymore, or do they?
You’re questioning the thought of “I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me”,
When in all reality,
That person is living their life perfectly,
Living freely, to the point where it feels like did they ever need me,
Did they ever see me?
So many things I want to take back,
Like the time I wasted on somebody,
The way I felt about people who never cared,
Who never wanted to be there,
People can say things you’d think mean,
But in all efforts, in all reality, those words they speak,
Mean nothing, yeah nothing to me.
Tired of rubbing my eyes,
Feeling like both my eyes are coming out of its sockets,
It’s something real to feel when you can’t sleep like you used to.
When your late night thoughts consume you day by day,
As if things will never change, circumstances will never be the same.
And that’s how we all move on in life,
We’ll meet people who are all talk, won’t prove to be anything,
Then, we’ll meet those who’ll show us different, their presence will feel like no other,
Talk to them for hours without noticing a pause,
No time for breaks, you and they have things settled for life.
And believe me when I say that feeling will feel amazing,
Reflecting back on life, smiling so happily,
So effortlessly,
Have you sit back and wonder how the hell did this happen?
You may think twice about it, laugh when you hear about it the second time,
But it’s true, you’ll find someone who has been fighting for you.
No more sighs or tries,
You won’t have to mend any of that nonsense,
Build no stress upon yourself.
You’ll feel when that person feels for you,
You’ll know what to do,
It’ll come naturally like you’ve been waiting too,
Sitting impatient,
Praying as you should be,
Seeking reassurance to the person above, them responding with the person meant for me.

Back when I had obtained my innocence,
I remember the happiness and freedom with life,
Everything went great,
Everyday was cherished as a blessing,
As it should always be.
Then one day came along,
Suddenly, I grew up way too quick.
I knew that something wasn’t right,
Nothing felt right anymore.
But, I still counted on the efforts of others,
To show me,
To guide me,
To protect and be there for me.
I was let down, disappointed at her,
My love was open arms,
My heart unlocked, but broken at one fall.
One less lonely girl,
Treat her like she’s worth,
If you value her, prove it.
Allowing pride to take over pain will only hurt,
So, don’t lose her or yourself in the process,
Trust the feeling of fighting,
Being brave and courageous enough to express,
She needed that, she wants that still.
Take her hand,
Twirl her around a few times,
And show her different.

Before things turned to downfall and downcast,
Everything seemed so good to be true,
The days we cherished together,
Will never be mentioned nowadays,
Oh, take me back to the night we met.
Where a peaceful cast shadowed over us two,
When your soul was once mended whole with mine,
When we were unhurt and satisfied.
I crave the presence of our younger years; nostalgia appears.
The recollection of your smile remains,
The laughter, the whispers, take me back to the day we said our first hellos.
Walking side by side one another,
Discovering new facts about ourselves never deemed detectable,
I had most of you, unfortunately now, I have almost none of you.
Things change,
Time passes,
And we will never get back what we wanted ever again.