You saw me naked.
Not without clothes, but without my wall.
The 10 foot, steel reinforced, wall around my heart.
You broke in, brick by brick.
And I let you, I let you see me vulnerable.
Forgetting what others had done to me when they saw me the same.
I wish I could say you were different.
But, you saw me naked.
And you laughed, pointed out my insecurities, and broke me so much that I rebuilt my wall.
I rebuilt it higher and stronger than before.
Protecting my heart from so called love.
You also saw me without clothes.
Burned your touch into my skin.
Whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and that's just what they meant.
Nothing.
I can't look at my body without thinking about you.
Because, you saw me naked.
Defenseless and with open arms.
I shouldn't have trusted you.
But I did anyway.
I thought that since you had a wall to we would be amazing together.
But.
I never saw you naked.

I asked myself
what is your biggest fear?
I heard myself reply
my biggest fear is
to be deeply known
but not loved deeply

I really want to say
I hope you're okay.

I see something on your face, a familiar grimace.
I want to tell you, I suffer from mental illness.
And all too well, I can recognize your pain;
I too, have struggled under the overpowering strain;
The suffering caused by a malfunctioning brain.

I see how you've started to avoid and withdraw.
I see enormous stress in the tightness of your jaw.
I see you grasping, desperate for some alleviation,
from this curse of complete anguish and frustration.
I see you like this not because I wish to pry.
In you, I see myself. Allow me to clarify.

I have been where you are, totally lost and alone.
Hiding from friends and family, ignoring my phone.
There were many times I felt held together only by thread.
Eventually I decided that my only option was to be dead.
But there were no lights at the end of any tunnels.
The attempt failed, and I continued my struggles.

Then someone reached out a hand for me,
offering somewhere safe for me to be.
Longing for relief, feeling defeated, I said yes.
And looking at me now, you would never guess,
the darkness that dwelled deep in my head.
Today I'm better, and quite glad I'm not dead.

So, I'm here, should you ever want to talk.
Please, feel free, tell me to go take a walk.

But I swear, my intentions are honest and kind.
I want to help you take back control of your mind.
This is just a hand held out, from me to you.
I urge you to take it, and I'll help you through.

Peer to peer, I'm offering you solace.
If ever you need me, I'll be there, I promise.

You hear it all the time
Jesus died for our sins, isn't He great!
Yeh yeh, that's pretty amazing, thank goodness for that

But actually think about it
Just a regular person.... a person who feels physical pain, emotional pain
He let people make fun of Him for claiming to be, basically, magical
No matter how much He proved them wrong, He was still a fraud
Then after all He has done for them, He got nails stuck into Him

Just think about that for a second
He didn't just get cut with nails, they were stabbed through Him
Do you think He wasn't feeling some sort of hatred towards us?
Of course He was
But the point is, He was looking at something greater

He got nails stabbed through himself because He knew we were destined for greater things
He didn't want us to suffer like He had
He wanted us to be able to go and live with His Dad, who we love so dearly for creating this world and everything in it
Even though after all we've done against God, we clearly don't deserve to go and live with Him
We were given a second chance

Now you may just think, He chose to die and got made fun of, big deal
But that isn't it at all
He endured so much more
He went through His entire life being the outcast, being the ******
Everything that came out of His mouth was a lie
Well that's what everyone thought

And even when he physically showed proof, He was still looked down on
And then He goes to save all the people who did this to Him?
What a guy.

Granted, God sent Him down to earth to do this and it wasn't necessarily His idea, Jesus still agreed to do this, despite everything He had been through
He could've easily turned His back on His father and think about it, not sure how many people would agree to such a thing
But He still did it.

So next time you hear of Jesus and how He died for our sins
Don't think it's some old story that doesn't involve us at all
Because it actually does
When Jesus was hanging on a piece of wood with nails in His hands
He was doing it for every person who lived and was to be born
Not just the people who were watching, laughing at Him

He did it for everybody
He did it for you.

Jesus is the most selfless man in history and we should strive to act the way He acted and spoke the way He spoke and He should be our model

And we definitely need to remember everything He did for us :)

I drink pink grapefruit flavored drinks
my face smells like the citrus
when I lose things and people
I change my hair
it helps me cope with the idea that I can never finish a stick of lip balm and most of the people I've known only yield disappointment
no one is at fault here
but the blame is usually pushed into my intestines
and I spend five days throwing up
I used to be afraid that I would never see the entire world
now I'm afraid I'll never spend enough time in a place I can call home
every morning the smell of grapefruit grows stronger