what constitutes a cheater?
because when i promised myself to you,
i meant every part
i meant even my mind, too
i meant i'd never have that kind of touch
that kind of love
to anybody else,
i promised it'd be only you i dreamed of
so why, oh why, do i feel like I've been lied to
because i thought you promised too
i thought you only wanted my touch
but instead, you wanted two

let's start the new year right
with your hand between my thighs

this is for the me who i'm trying to break free of:
stop. stop getting yourself into situations you know will ******* up. stop giving people chance after chance. stop telling yourself it doesn't count if it's him, he's only important if you make him so. stop it. find the value inside yourself to move the **** on. stop isolating yourself unless it's him who wants to be involved with you. (usually it isn't.) you're going to be okay. you don't need him to feel like you're actually alive. give other people a ******* chance and stop feeling sorry for someone who isn't trying; you. all your putting your effort into is getting him back.

sit down for dinner with my
happy happy family
my mother is surprised
i came out of my room
they ignore the giant bleeding hole
in my chest
but i can see their discomfort
they all put their hands together
and they bless this food
(when they should be praying
for this "God" to help us)
my step-father shoots me a glare
when he sees my hands are apart
and both of my middle fingers
are pointed up at God
i don't even take a bite before
i feel the elephant in the room
pushing me back to the comfort
of isolation

at which did you decide that i was no longer good enough?
nothing ever changed for me
something inside you has died and
i'm not even allowed inside the funeral because
nobody knew that we were lovers
how am i supposed to breathe
when your breath is still inside my lungs
from all the smoke i shotgunned
i'm your favorite scar;
your favorite sad story'
to tell your grandkids one day
"i broke a girl's heart once,
she still writes me everyday"
you can't just look at the glass
you've got to shatter it
so every one knows that you were the one that did it
nobody can ever break me again,
you do it everyday
the me who smiles is dead,
i hung her in my closet
with my father's belt.
i never gave it back to him because i never saw him again
after he said "see you soon."
just like you, you promised too.
i tried stitching us back together with
"i need you"
but you didn't even care
i have dreams where you **** me
and in my dreams,
you have the courtesy to keep pretending you love me
home is where the ghosts are
home is where the heart aches
home is where you got all your scars
home is in his chest;
it's a beating heart
and you don't know how to untangle yourself
from his nooses made of veins
let me go,
let me go to heaven
my time in hell is over with