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Kat Pan Oct 2023
Slow and heavy
Ball of worry
My hair is falling
I should be starving
Happiness is the wind
All around but out of reach
I feel everything draining out of me
I want to lay down in the sun for a while
I want to remember I can smile
Time is happening all at once
Life is a second
So why do I suffer?
Self soothe like a mother
Find shelter, take cover
Pray the worst is over
Feeling anxious and worried
Kat Pan Sep 2020
He doesn't love me
He pretends to smile
He probably could
It's just been a while

It's bittersweet
The way you don't care
You left so soon
Were you ever even there?

As time passes on
Memories do too
You'll forget about me
I'll forget about you

I'm moving on
You're no longer mine
As much as it hurts
I'll love again...

Just one more time...
Love, breakup, move on, repeat
Kat Pan Feb 2020
With you I feel what I feel with few
Like the sky is yellow and the sun is blue

Shut my eyes and forgot what I knew
As the sky turned black and the sun changed hues

The oceans rose and swallowed my view

Submerged in the fear of loving you

Scared to drown in fear
Scared to fear a fear
Fearing you
Fearing I
Fearing it
Fearing love
Scared to love again
Kat Pan Oct 2017
Driving, driving, driving
My unseasoned eyes had never caught a glimpse of nature's harvest
dividing people to such an extent

My eyes touring the scenic avenue
They had never witnessed the leaves loot the sun of its hue
It seemed almost artificial

My eyes distort the landscape into frayed fantasies
And my mind proceeds to peruse the memories like a magazine

I see you
I wave hi
Until your presence flickers
And we
disconnect
i miss home, i miss you, i was daydreaming
Kat Pan Sep 2017
I am disregarded

Your vile eyes gloss over my body and label me victim

Your spiteful intentions *scald
my skin as you target me speechlessly

I am a apparition

Treading on what is identical to Hell's surface

I beseech God to forsake me and let me perish in the authentic blaze

I am unfit for the toil, the betrayal is worrisome, and my frail heart is left in shambles

I am puzzled by the way you dislodged those malicious words from the pits of your repulsive throat and slung them at me

All your transgressions are in vain

but you and your friends cackle like witches

I am sorry my exterior is a rarity

My hair is brown like the Earth's dirt and the roots that stem have culture

I am so sorry that my body is a precious temple

petite and dainty while yours is filled with *sin and ego
kind of working on it
Kat Pan Jun 2017
I’m a victim as you stream my life
Like a short film and I can’t remember my own name
You drape my skin over rusty bones that fail when the clock chimes
Yet you collect every strand of my hair
Torn and grown
Cut and combed
and repaint the shapes I used to be into finer lines
Why do you whisper silly words to me?
Yet I hang myself on them and engrave the fate you sealed for me
Why do you twist me at every angle?relishing in my deterioration
Soaking and rinsing your own wounds in the pools of my bitter mistakes and sweet memories
But these scars I wrap with your worn stems, vanish beneath my exterior
I am stainless
Sometimes,
when I am to tattered to walk, you carry me on your shoulder
But I remember when you grabbed my ankles and cracked my wrists
You cast me like a stone
And polish me like a trophy
*Conceal me in your clock work
Talking to time
i swear i heard this title from somewhereeee
Kat Pan Dec 2016
My desire is shielded by pale skin and spineless structure
The heaving in my chest is my heart clutching the pits of my empty stomach
as my lungs whisper    
honey harmonies
Any intention of uttering my fascination is quickly dwindling back into my nail beds
*Please don't go
I'm attached to you
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