"you can not cry"
"crying shows weakness, you are not weak"
"push away the feelings you don't want them"
"what is that weight you're holding"
i feel the tears building
my throat clogging
my tense hands trembling with fear
but not the fear of being seen as weak.
i could give a **** about that.
the fear of feelings,
letting them flow,
saying goodbye.

Love the liar for with him, you can expect the pain
Prepare yourself
Experiment your trust with the liar, for he will break it
Expect the pain
Love the liar, for you know he will leave you
Expect the pain

Let the liar in
Let him get to know you
Let him love you
Let him trust you
Let him believe in your fake ignorance
Ignorance may be the key

Know the liar
Know he will hurt you
Know he will break you
Know he will strengthen you through pain
Know he does not love you
He loves the game
But let him play
For it will not **** you
You will be stronger

He drives like a maniac
But it makes me feel alive

He lets me stand out the skylight
And the wind blows my hair
I look like a maniac

We speed down the backroads
We are isolated
But we are attached

He lets me turn the volume to 100
I scream the words to every song

He takes his eyes off the road to meet mine
He shakes his head in disapproval
But he can't help but smile when he sees me nonchalant

The crushing gravel under the truck tires
The brisk air hitting my face
The bass of the music pulsating through me

He drives like a maniac
He loses focus on the road when we kiss

He is the maniac driver
I am the maniac passenger

But we have never felt more alive

My life is my story to tell
Not yours to tell your friends
Not a fable
Not a classic
Your second draft does not need to be published
For I have written the primary source

I will publish the chapters in which I am proud of
I will keep my private chapters on my desk
If you choose to publish my words, you would commit a crime.
Plagarism

My words are mine
Do not tell my story
My story is mine to tell
My life is my story

i trusted you were different from the rest.

i believed the words as they flowed from your mouth
when you told me that you would always be here
that you cared
that you loved me.

i trusted you were different when you said you dont express things through actions so i had to believe what you said.

maybe i was intrigued by the newness of it all
the constant wonder
the thought of you watching me in the corner of your eye instead of your full gaze on me.

i longed for your total attention
just for a minute
but you told me you were different.

i trusted you were different
but actions triumph over words

and thats when i knew we needed to end.

i love you
i love my hands in yours
i love cuddling up to you and listening to your heart beat
i love the trust i have that you will always be there
i want for us to be forever
i want us to be okay
i want us to be the one in a million
high school sweethearts that make it
oh so bad
but i am scared
scared this life will take us two separate ways
scared you will find someone better
scared i will **** up and you'll run away
loving you is scary
loving is scary
i am scared to love
we grew up being taught that we will find true love
but what if it is you
and we never make it
because i am scared to love?

thank you for being there for me when no one else was
you remained strong when all else failed
you continue to be a part of me even when i reject you
thank you for remaining one
never breaking
being resilient
you give me hope that i can remain one to myself
you never rely on others

i'm sorry i don't give you credit
i'm sorry i become disappointed with you when you are trying your best
you allow me to push you past your limits
you tell me when i take on too much both mentally and physically

i appreciate all you have become and all you will achieve
i appreciate you for putting up with my bad decisions

i know i hurt you
i know i look down upon you
i know i don't give you the credit you deserve

but thank you
for showing me strength

i thought you were different
i saw the fire burning in your eyes
i thought you were special
one in a million

now i see that you have fallen
fallen into society
encrypted into what they want
the fire burned out
you lost your spark
you settled into conformity

i thought you were different
you gave me hope
now i see you
and you have transformed to one of them

they never wonder about her mind
the racing thoughts
the never-ending fear
the rapid emotions

they pursue what they see through the eye
the visual

but her mind cannot be seen
only imagined

if you could see her mind
you'd see a swirling tornado
never ending
picking up random **** as it wanders
making it a part of itsown

but they never wonder about her mind when they see the visual

when they see the content girl
the fake smile on her face
her hair flowing in brown waves
her nails painted a soft yellow
and they are satisfied with the visual
if only they could see her mind.

i see life going
i see a clock ticking
the sand flowing through the hourglass and piling up at the bottom
i see it all.

i am there
there through all the laughs
all the cries
all the adventures
i am there through it all.

i see it all happening
i am there through it all happening
yet i can not feel anything that is happening

May God help you thrive
May he help you survive

May God be endowed with your trust
May he bless you with someone to lust

May God encourage you to let go
May he pronounce you star of the show

May God help you on this journey of life
May he tell you to put down the knife

the scariest thing is
looking into your heart
instead of your head

when i swallow the pain i feel it sink into my stomach
i exhale it with tears
i pray that i will soon be numb
i hope that the pain will leave
but it remains inside of me

swallowing the pain is intended to be a relief
but it becomes a weight
i feel heavier

i never meant to say goodbye
it was intended to be a see you later
i needed time
and so i left.
but then i came back
and you were gone
i held on as you changed
your morals, your interests, your hopes, your fears.
and i then realized i had said goodbye.