i trusted you were different from the rest.

i believed the words as they flowed from your mouth
when you told me that you would always be here
that you cared
that you loved me.

i trusted you were different when you said you dont express things through actions so i had to believe what you said.

maybe i was intrigued by the newness of it all
the constant wonder
the thought of you watching me in the corner of your eye instead of your full gaze on me.

i longed for your total attention
just for a minute
but you told me you were different.

i trusted you were different
but actions triumph over words

and thats when i knew we needed to end.

they never wonder about her mind
the racing thoughts
the never-ending fear
the rapid emotions

they pursue what they see through the eye
the visual

but her mind cannot be seen
only imagined

if you could see her mind
you'd see a swirling tornado
never ending
picking up random **** as it wanders
making it a part of itsown

but they never wonder about her mind when they see the visual

when they see the content girl
the fake smile on her face
her hair flowing in brown waves
her nails painted a soft yellow
and they are satisfied with the visual
if only they could see her mind.

"you can not cry"
"crying shows weakness, you are not weak"
"push away the feelings you don't want them"
"what is that weight you're holding"
i feel the tears building
my throat clogging
my tense hands trembling with fear
but not the fear of being seen as weak.
i could give a **** about that.
the fear of feelings,
letting them flow,
saying goodbye.

i see life going
i see a clock ticking
the sand flowing through the hourglass and piling up at the bottom
i see it all.

i am there
there through all the laughs
all the cries
all the adventures
i am there through it all.

i see it all happening
i am there through it all happening
yet i can not feel anything that is happening

i never meant to say goodbye
it was intended to be a see you later
i needed time
and so i left.
but then i came back
and you were gone
i held on as you changed
your morals, your interests, your hopes, your fears.
and i then realized i had said goodbye.