A right at the end of the tunnel --
I am not yet free.
The rocky path is dark and long
And slowly nearing I see --

A freedom at the end of the tunnel --
I know I'll escape soon.
It is a constant and pressing struggle --
Though I'll come out to the moon.

A hope at the end of the tunnel --
I feel it -- I know it -- It comes.
It is hard to grasp, though now I see
My journey no longer is numb.

A right at the end of the tunnel --
It's not freedom nor is it hope.
But it's a right at the end of the tunnel --
Not a left -- Not to wrong -- But to cope.

Worn
They -- fall
Slowing down sight
I draw closer and closer
Then --
Flutter to stay awake and realize I'm not ready for this
I'm not yet able to enter that dark place of meditation
-- But
I feel it coming more swiftly
My heavy eyes falling
With every
Last shutter
Closer
Closer
No -- yes
Sleep.

There are mornings I hurt --
And there isn't a remedy.
But to my subtleties you're alert,
You see the pain beneath me.

"Are you okay?" simply inquiring --
I don't know what to respond --
I lie here, in truth, admiring
You of whom I've grown so fond.

Must the moment end?
Must we so soon move on?
Knowing what comes 'round the bend --
Must we face the dawn?

To which there can be no answer,
To which is attempted and tried,
Life is not well-mannered --
We are not forever beside.

"Are you okay?" -- simply inquiring --
"I'll be fine." I say.
I will from afar ever be admiring
You -- when comes that day.

The mirror is shattered.
So without any reflection on the misuse of this image,
The shards will be incarnadine.

The bleeding will ne'er end.
It drips drops of thick sick thoughts,
Smothering the scattered shards.

A sight bred for horror.
Speckled endlessly, sorting sorrows
Into uniquely spattered shards.

The fulmination of self-imitation.
No longer are little words taken lightly.
You are now obscure shards.

I, too, once saw clearly.

Needless to say
I'm a disaster.
Peaceful breathing
Next to my
Endless seething
About the constant feelings
That confuse me
And enslave me
And ravage me
And leave me craving an escape.
Your peaceful breathing
How it ever so slowly calms my raving mind.
I can't sleep.
You're lying next to me and I am
Helpless, needy, and hurt.
Helpless - though your attempts to calm me are caring and sweet, I can't help you sleep by staying awake.
Needy - I desire your company at 3AM when the world should be silent and yet here I sit wanting your attention.
Hurt - I can't hurt myself anymore than to know I am hurting you.
I love you.
I lie here and weep.
I need what you have,
Your peaceful sleep.

Sometimes I just want to see another way of being me
Another way of being free of all insecurity
But there are times when that is hard
And there are wounds that have been scarred
And now I'm trying to get by with what in my life has been marred.

I keep trying to escape all of the lies that cover my eyes like tape; such a disguise, I can let out only sighs.  
It's hiding all of my fears deep inside all of my tears that never flow, I don't let them go, so I keep moving, I reap what I sow.
So no, I'm not fine, I walk a fine line between peace and what is at least my foreseeable destruction.
And I know I'm laughing and requesting you leave it alone but what is worse is the curse of knowing I am and will always be unknown.

All weight will drop off my shoulders, but before, it gets much colder,
So cover me in this vacancy of emotion and make me bolder.
Make me able to stand under the pressure of the hand that smacks my hand and tells me "Man, it's just a phase." which does the opposite of
Raising me up and making me new, so if you only knew that what you do makes me rue the so-called man that I've become and now
The future man that I will be will never rise up from his knee
So I'm left stirring in this mind of never-ending insecurity.

I walk
Nightly
To the place where I find
Silence.
Silencing the world
Silencing the mind
Silencing all that creates
Havoc.
I create havoc.
Day after day
I walk
Wondering when I will
Finally
Be able to find that
Silence.
But day after day I am
Silenced.
That is why
Nightly
I walk
To the place where I find
Silence.
To the River
Where drowns the havoc
Around me.
Where flow the souls of the silent.
To the River
Where I find
Silence.