Too depressed to eat, to sleep, to drink
Too upset to talk to someone, something
It's never too late to start working,
I always convince myself
Maybe one day they'll clean me
From all the dust on the shelf

I've slumbered for the last time
These games are way too old, you devil
Let me live one good day for myself
I'm tired of living for other people

As selfish as a two year old
And functions without a heart
I am not lacking confidence
But I am slowly falling apart

I look at the ones I call friends
And now how much I neglect them
Dogs are better friends, in truth
I'm no more than a beast, a burden

Never live in your head
It's as dangerous as death

My heart bleeds fire
in your presence

                                                                                     i must stay away,
                                                                                     you'll only be hurt

                                             I'm calling for you.

We were thick as thieves and
Now I feel so alone


                                                                            i ache with the reminder
                                                                            that our love is fated

                                             I’m waiting on you.

Give this boy a chance,
He has only ever faced pain

                                                                              this boy swims in
                                                                              guilt for loving another
                        
                                             I'm thinking of you.

Look at me once
And love me for all I am

                                                                take my hands
                                                                and lead me towards the truth

                                              I'm drowning in you.

She stayed true to the pearls
That she lassoed around her neck
And kept her heels on tight

Her tears would fall down
To the rhythm of a folk song
She would slowly sing along
In a lamenting fashion
She could never admit that
Being alone in this world
Was so hard to handle
On her own

She wanted God to bring
Down a glimmer of hope
That would guide her back
To something much better
But all she had ever heard
Was God calling her home

And in every bathroom mirror
She smeared the makeup to
Resemble a clown
And it suited her
Every night

In this floating box of nothing
Sits a speck of shavings
From an overused eraser
That grows older than death

The cousin with all the power
Sitting across like a stranger
Is known as the pencil
Who never amounted to anything

As hard as they try
As long as they wait
As patient as they are
Their job always fails

But they aren't cautious
They are always aware
That the true failure
Is their subconscious master

Last night we threw up
In a bucket of circumstances
I never knew your name
The day we first met
In the ballroom, we kissed
Liquor on our tongues
People staring, you weren't aware
By then, your name engrained my mind
How could it not
With your lips on mine
I loved everything about you
In your tuxedo
Adjusting your tie, it was special
Our cufflinks shined bright
In our slow dance
You held my hand down the streets
I felt safe as could be
The moon was our way home
What I'd do to spend a day
Up there with you

It was easy, it was fun
Living in our fantasy land
Drawing our plans out
We'd drift into imaginary possibilities
Back then I'd show up
At your front door
Two unfortunate children
One unlikely chance
Like the best of them, we'd fall
Land in separate places
Sometimes it felt like planets
And only I had my head straight
You looked behind you constantly
Was it hard to face forward?
Leaving behind your fight
I couldn't throw punches
It was hard, it was fate

In three seconds
We'll be the talk of the world
The lingering at its max
Fire burning to a scorching blue
The two of us swimming
In a pool of seduction and intoxication
I see your soul in the distance
In between the ocean
And the clouds, white and clear
I occupy your holy space
Your entity fills me up with utter delight
Let's think for a moment
Do you need your job?
Do I need anyone else?
There's no telling
What words mean right now
As I stare at the definition
Of desire

The story begins with a light--
It reveals the biggest fear on this earth
And gives you a chance to experience it
In that time you know nothing but innocence
But you have love all around you
That stays with you and your tears
Until you're the one walking on two feet.

You learn how to offer your love back
And appreciate the good things in life
Hello, the world says,
It's nice to meet you
Everybody loves you for just living
And while you still don't understand why,
It makes you feel warmed.

But before you know it
The cold drags itself in
And the story goes on
To reveal the pain
Of the real world
And before you
Know it, you
Are in fear
Of living.

Last night I panicked
Over another future
I saw a man
With lost hope, no purpose
I told the ones I could trust
Keep looking out for that boy
He's confident, he's vulnerable
There's no telling where he'll go
He's been hurt far too much
Breaking his heart for no one important
He ain't got any time
Looking for a way to live each night
Spilling his guts of guilt
Will he learn to let go?

--------

I wake up
My brain stirs, confused
It pops in a frenzy
It's late but my thoughts are on time
I do a pretty good job at understanding
What is the truth and what isn't
The choir bursted to life and I smiled
Let this moment be mine
And all the others be dedicated to the past
I will never be fine
But in this moment
I am

I feel heavy in my chest
And fatigue is my only friend
This is what I accept every day

A coal black soul
I look for ways to cope
Look around and stare

There is a way of sleeping
And not knowing when
To wake up because you
Have no one to wake up for

What am I to say?
The first line of the day
Had to be proclaimed
Like a daily announcement
You mistook my observation
For an emotional concern

I don't love you and
I don't care to either
You are a difficult beast
Enslaved me for years
Expected me to share
My intimate nature with you
No, I could not
You don't talk things through

You went insane, like me
Trying to do your best
I share your dedication
Nothing more
I will have vanished
You will spend another year
In a bubble
Made up of denial

But if I miss anything
It's your unique way
Of saying "I love you"

Before a story is ever continued
It must fully begin
My life has been confusing
Because of this
I never know how to explain my own story

Look out my window
There's a lifeless frame in the streets
As disturbing as the truth
The violins make their dark tremble
The walls talk to me in whispers
But always wish to scream
They just sit and stare
As cold as that frame

I'm drifting along the streets
Ignoring the cars and the people around
There's a beauty to loving yourself
And embracing sadness at the same time

My heart hasn't rested
For the past month
Each time I ache for peace
I feel less awake

I had to **** you twice
Got rid of the evidence
But my mind still focused on you
I looked at my face in the mirror
Saw someone worthy of love
But couldn't find someone else
My heart is retired
My love had flown out the window
Wordless, worthless
I'm never gonna be happy

I see your hands shaking under your dark sweater
And all I want to do is share a warm embrace
With you

I feel like I'm waiting for a snow storm to pass
Just so I can crawl through to find someone
Like you

I walk on eggshells to keep you close to my heart
But I only see from the shadows of despair
For you

I am a lost cause
In the art of imperfections
Trying to find the right words
Is like an SOS out to sea
In two worlds, one has hope
And the other has truth
Cracks a half-smile and laughs
In my face
Shaking off the pressure,
I breathe in sequence
Appreciating every one I take
But it's true
I look at your face
And see nothing
My art form is expressionless
You need a man who looks at you
And paints you with his eyes
I'm not that man

I refused to cry
To show my weakness
To show the teardrops fall
Like the clearest waterfall.

I wanted them to stay there
To have winter come early
And freeze an icy tear on my cheek
So people could see my pain
The way I didn't know how.

Now I forever regret
The things I never tried
And on my icy cheek
It would read that--
Regret.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, darling,
I am not your Romeo.
I could shape and mold myself
In ways that would make you happy,
But I only look after myself.

It's a strange thing, being bit by a snake;
The venom is just too much to handle alone.
So it's no surprise that I shared the pain for
Four years to find that my soul-mate is nowhere near.

I'm twisting my neck chaotically,
Trying to come to terms with myself.
My words are no less blank
As yesterday's were.
A fragile part of me is seeping out
And trying to tell me something,
But I don't know what.
I'm still ignoring important things,
Wondering if death really isn't
All that important to me anymore.
What I found to be a casual breeze,
A use of the head over the heart,
Is turning into a confusing mess.

They're here for me, but I don't see it.
They care--something I don't realize.
Keep it together, keep it together...
Leave for the better, you idiot.
If I use truth instead of bitter lies,
Will I feel better about myself?
Trial and error is nothing more than
A way for me to make the same mistakes
And not feel guilty about them.

Where's my instrumental?
My backing track?
Do I have steady rhythm
Or even a relevant melody?
Keep your tired eyes peeled;
You will hear your song eventually.

What a curse it is
To love someone so much
That you write a poem about them
One day
Only to not be a thing
The day after

I wake you up
Out of your slumber
I hear the 8 become 9
I've always said that 24 hours
Is too short, and for us
It makes your company more of a necessity
Because there is no tomorrow
If I haven't had you yet, my drug, my fix
Babe, you don't know what it's like
To lay in bed and imagine your skin
Sending shivers up mine
We suffer on the weekdays
Then the weekend is here and I'm yours
You're my favorite
I don't want to hear it ever again
I'm not gonna give up on a boy
That is the light in my life
I'll run to you in the blink of an eye
That is the power of the love
That I have for you

How did things change so quick?
I'm left at home
Without a call or a click
Of a button, how unfortunate
How have I loved this hard
Only to be abandoned
I'm left with no answers
Each night, you burn holes
Into a man who did nothing
But love and stand by you
Was there for you,
Willing to give you some space
Why do I have to suffer?
You don't deserve me, indeed
And maybe I deserve better

You strengthen my livelihood, make me shine
It's your smile, all I see in time
I'm paragliding into your heart
From your soul, every hug, every caress
My body burns with love and passion
The feeling lasts all through the day
I used to love only for my benefit
Now I love for two, crave for one
Baby, you've been the love of my life
Never really stopped
From the curl of every strand
To the peculiarity of your lovely body
I love it all, unconditionally
Everything grows in this vessel
I'd let you open every part
Vibrate every string, strike every chord
If you ever so wished to
Drive me happy, drive me mad
As long as you're on the road of love
You are what you are, what I know
And I love no other man
For my beautiful darling is waiting for me
To open up every part of him
Never really stopped

In an instant, we are born
And in an instant, we perish―
A vision of life before our eyes

You live on a canvas,
A blank easel
The need to be alive
Comes to you in your dreams
Like a spirit in flight
A body brought back to life

As much as you pain yourself
The pain is noticeable
But you get back up again
The strongest ones do.

You never felt right for me

In just a year I've found **** luck
Hypothesizing a love life
With the conclusion of
A beautiful future,
Two souls intermingling

No, I don't understand the concept
My youth screamed like a spoiled child
That it was right when everyone said
It wasn't
I listened, I listened then crashed

You told me one day love wasn't for you
My throat clenched and choked
My page of trust was ripped out
My heart poured out on a hospital sheet
Was drilled into, wasn't serious to you
And yes, I underrated my heartache
To not look like a loser for love
A part of me wanted a future with you
Wanted to say that I proved them wrong
Had something to be proud of

Not broken, yet not held together
I refuse to be, because I've
Been there far too many times
You make me sit at the table
Waiting for the clock to change
I look for a call, a declaration of love
But instead, you hurt me
And anytime I think about you
I am disgusted with myself

In due time I knew
This sickness would falter,
Abandoning the fight I put up with
For five years
I'd no longer but shot up from the bullets
The pure ugliness of it all

It's too soon, I imagine
Why should I feel this way?
Was He feeling generous this time around?
Where would I be if it continued to derail me?

Make no mistake, I live in appreciation
But I ache knowing others must suffer
When my best friend lives with death
Surrounding the shoulder like a sharp pain
In the joints that won't seem to leave
I shouldn't be stuck saying,
*At least it's not me

It's been two years
I still make that attempt
Where I look at them
In a convincing and promiscuous way
Eager heart with not much to show
My body screams "too hard to handle"
I do not know why
All the lovebirds get to sing their song
And I, in a truly saddening fate
Am stuck lying to myself

never want what you can't obtain
live life like an unfortunate soul
keep your body open for anyone
take advantage any pair of legs
let it consume you, feed you, fill you
nourish your undeserving desires
levitate toward satisfaction
push through the need to leave
sell your soul for a reason to be happy
love what you do and make it count
you can't feel like a fool your whole life
leaving your lover won't make things better
if you refuse to find a way to
find what it is that makes you
so lovely from all the rest
don't lock up the things
that make you
you

Put me back into the world
Engage me with your eyes
Make me feel so important
**** the life back into me
I feel my spine shiver
A freefall into your crystal rod
The craving feels so raw, so real
Be the best to me, love
Dip me into a fountain of appreciation
There's no greater truth than yours
Only you can send this pit of misery
And blast it off to an ache of passion
I'm on both scales between
Giving up
And
Giving in

I won't be anything to you, you
Who planted the seed in confusion
Never knew I would be a product
A spawn of accident I was
Swimming in mystery, living without thought
You became a man of higher proportions
Seven feet tall in a blurry photograph
In my dreams you stood unnecessarily
Before I knew myself, I barely knew you
Giving you a second chance
Might have been the scariest thing to him
There is no fixing what was never there
No hating what I never loved
I'm stuck with confusion as well
Who am I supposed to call Father?

i am bold and italicized only when you're around
i pretend i'm a confident selfless being

in truth
i feel lost, experiencing free-fall in my stomach
i touch my nails to see if any are left

where is life going?

It keeps me up at night
While I count my blessings
I told her self-deprecation is wrong
Only I would know it best

It is the time of celebration
where i mope and once aspired death
In a single month and the ones that follow
i collect the sadness of all
The single bachelor collects his status
the mother of three takes her children to the beach
And the lovebirds embrace the night
while i choke on the solace of an indoor sorrow
It's been a while since I felt it
that pit of misery wrapped in a neat saying

one day, it will go like this
i leave the cold
of the bedroom
you'll never know me
i'm a crumb left behind
for a snail to nibble
the world flies by
in my unfortunat--

My shadow once grew cold
As cold as a dark winter night
I begged it not to smother me
But it knew better, oh right

Does that belt feel snug
Is your teeth clenched shut
Will this be my last goodbye
Will our love drown in the mud

This isn't me begging
This is me looking for an answer
Looking for a better lover
Looking for one another

I miss the warm sheets
On those long cold nights
Your sparkling whites
The mornings in bed
With no daylight
I want to go back
To our glory days
When love only mattered
And time always stayed.

Held your neck
I felt the shivers up mine
Lock in an embrace
I resurrect my fire
Look up at the stars
I stare down at it all.

I never understood your pain
You'd lift me into your deep sea
Emotions in a dark blue tomb
I couldn't find the light.

I may be your captive
But I'm not a toy
I'm not a rubber ball
That will bounce back
To your love
When you need it

Never knew
what I said
meant
The world
to you
Even when I'm breathless,
You breathe me back to life.

I bask in the loveliness of the moon
Letting every star lift me off my feet
Into a lifeless body with no moral compass
I'm sorry, Mother
I can't help that I like living precariously
I was born a ******* night owl
Seeking the brightest lights I can find
In the search of pure happiness
They might dig up my grave one day
Because of this desire
But I don't mind.

I am notorious for finding the light
In the crevices of a sullen world.

talk me down from my own fate
or i'll pour out my blood
open up my wounds for the world
father lift me up by my ears
brand me with a painful reminder
you do or do not do, i'll say it again
a prince of sadness, she lives
my tears collect in my chest
i'm too proud to call you anything
but a man of steel and anger
oh, you voodoo *******
i wish i could pin you all afternoon
you're a bittersweet apple in the
winter, the frigid wind of oymyakon
i never liked you, you leader
the grapevines look awfully familiar
that summer morning they withered away
she takes and takes and takes me home
i love her more than the currency
you clammy snake, quit constricting me
jump off the face of the earth into oblivion
save you before i have to save myself

It's a crowded world
Getting bigger every day

Leave it behind, abandon it
Fake your death, try it
There won't always be a tomorrow
You could be the best there is
Peel off your skin like a banana
Living like a missing puzzle piece
You're the mercenary, you don't belong

Eat your fears away on a plate
Find yourself in the music
Try to jump off that trampoline
I see a quintessential being
They need a hug

**It'll be okay.

when i say i want it all
i'm not sure what i mean
living like an artist
but struggling like a fool
painted your hand in mine
because i wanted to be led to a sign
i don't know if you truly exist
and i'm not sure if i even care
at this point
blame it on me, blame it on you
i stopped asking for your help
a previous entity ago
i drove off that cliff and died
but a part of me floated upwards
into the clouds, was saved
my echo was here to stay
the circus clowns stopped laughing that day
this was a serious matter
more serious than losing a leg in an accident
or giving birth for the first time
but i never uttered your voice once
when i did the decision making
no one loves you for the right reasons
so why love you at all?

You sent him away
**** to it all
I sit here lonely and miserable
What do you wish to prove?

You say that our love is false
That he is confused
It is not for you to decide
How a boy is destined to live

You have no moral compass
Sitting on a throne of lies
Calling me the wronged one
While he sits and cries
And my hope for love dies

I am a crippled bird
That got stomped away
By a bitter ******* woman
With nothing but a false hope

Tonight, I will hold three funerals
One, for my love
One, for our love
And one, for love itself

He wants a different life.

It is drawn to life in seconds
I never thought of it fast enough
I circle around the room all night
As the bass surrounds my cranium
For now, I tackle my problems
Allow them to escape this planet
I make love to the thought of peace
Cradle the vibrations of sound waves
Eat up the ******* truth of it all
Can you come around the front?
I'm not sure how much longer
I'll last in this planetary hell
Working like a pack mule til I die
Sounds like a **** bore to me
My lips encircle the lips of another
A beautiful blue-eyed fantasy
He's such a confusion, she's such a rush
My body wants more of the truth
It craves a taste for it
I love the sound of desire
I want you to pacify my weakness
Make me a man with a purpose
Envelop my mouth with an answer
Make it as satisfying as you, as the truth